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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Previous_Mood_3251 on 2023-09-20 19:08:29.

Whenever I buy something out of the ordinary with a specific dinner purpose in mind, my husband manages to find it and eat it. I am sure if I was planning to bake something and bought yeast, I would come home to find him completely distended and surrounded in empty yeast packets. I usually stick to the same grocery list every week, and I feel like if I buy something out of the ordinary that is clearly an ingredient for a larger meal, he could at least ask before devouring it. Last night, I bought two baguettes, which I have only every purchased to make French bread pizza for him and our kids. I bought these at 11pm, and they were not even here twelve hours when I saw them on the counter, with the first six inches ripped off of each loaf, scanned the house, and saw my husband chewing. If it had been one loaf, okay. If he had used a knife, maybe. But the fact that he didn’t ask if they were going to be for dinner and then ripped the top off of both of them like that final boss bloater in The Last of Us that lumbers out of the hole and rips the guy’s head off, this is unforgivable. He insists I should tell him when I buy things if they are for a specific purpose. I say I am already taking on the burden of grocery shopping and cooking and the least he can do is ask. Am I the asshole here?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MoonxOwl on 2023-09-20 17:08:56.

Context: I’m 31, with two young boys, a full time 12 hour shift worker, and I’m in a full time doctorate program.

My husband is therefore the primary caregiver many nights, when I’m working. We have full time daycare, during the day, and he works from home.

The other night, we had a date night planned. We were going to go out to dinner, then had plans to go to a bonfire with friends.

We got a sitter. I got all done up. Dinner started great, but hit a sour note when my husband made the comment that he was disappointed we weren’t doing something more exciting. I took it to heart because I was excited for the night we’d planned so I was moody and quiet. We were still in a tiff heading back home to change for the bonfire. When it came time to meet our friends, they said they were finishing dinner/having a drink or two at a nearby restaurant and asked us to join. My husband stated that he’d rather take the time to take a nap, then he’d meet us for the bonfire after. I did say I’d prefer he come with, but he declined. So I went, had one drink, then came back to get him for the bonfire. He’d texted while I was out and said he’d thrown up, but still planned to go with to the bonfire. I got back to pick him up and asked if he still felt up to going to the bonfire and he said no. I asked if he wanted me to pick up the kids from the sitter, early, and get them to bed so he didn’t have to while I was with our friends. His response was, “I don’t care. I don’t really want to go get them.” So I did go pick them up and brought them back and got them to bed. He was still distant, so I left to follow through with the original plans. I was out for 2.5hrs and got home before midnight.

I took care of the kids for him to attend a golf tournament with his two guy friends for 9 hours the following day.

When he got back from golfing, he expressed frustration that I’d left him that night, stating that he’d never leave me when I was sick, and that the point of the night wasn’t to go see friends, it was to spend time together. I explained that I work, nonstop, and to me, getting out of our house, out of routine, and having time to laugh and joke with friends was important. I explained that I would have rather spent the time with him, but he never, at the time, indicated that he wanted the time together, he wasn’t feeling great, and said at the time that he just wanted to go to bed. I had texted him several positive/caring messages while I was out, and got no response.

He encouraged me to make a post on AITA, because he insists that no “good” wife would leave their sick husband to spend time with friends, when the plan was to spend the night together, saying I “ditched” him.

I said he should have expressed to me that the time together was important to him, and not been cold toward me, expecting me to abandon our previously-made plans and sit at home, again, then cover for his golf outing with friends, for nine hours, the following day.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/LB_69 on 2023-09-20 16:37:33.

It was our son's birthday and we had our neighbors over for dinner. My Husband was busy with the kids and I was cooking/chatting. For some reason our dog decided to pee on the floor. Since I was cooking I asked my Husband if he would clean it up since I thought it would be kind of gross for me to clean it and then continue to cook. Obviously I would have washed my hands but I still didn't like the idea. My Husband was angry that I asked him to do it and didn't talk to me the rest of the evening. Was I wrong? Should I have cleaned it and continued to cook?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Typical_Ferret_6096 on 2023-09-20 14:06:55.

My sister in law (brothers wife) got married recently. I offered to throw a bridal shower for her knowing that she doesn't have any friends, and her cousins are boys. She gladly accepted and seemed very happy. So I started planning, I consulted with her on a few details to make sure the event would be to her liking: the decor, colour scheme, games/entertainment etc. And it was agreed that we would have the party at her house, a few streets away. Everything was in order until she finally sent me the guest list of over 40 people!!! Hosting this amount of people during the pandemic (no restrictions at the time) in a small space seemed impractical to me. So I offered to have the event at my place instead, in order to accomodate all these people (originally we had discussed about 8 -12 guests) I have a large outdoor area with a fireplace, pool and garden and have plenty of extra chairs, tables etc. So nothing would need to be hired and the venue would be free. SIL freaked out!!! She insisted that we have the event at her place even after I explained that the space would be far to small for the amount of people on her guest list and attempting to accommodate that amount of people would pose more of a health risk. She insisted so I agreed but I tried to manage her expectations of the event by saying that we wouldn't have enough space to have a photo booth, candy table, champagne bar etc.

She accused me of making her event about me and saying that I should be doing whatever she wants and not what I want. I just wanted her to have the best celebration possible and felt that I could do that for her if I had the space to make all of my ideas come to life. I also feel that if someone volunteers to do something for you on their dime it should be appreciated regardless. At the end of this conversation she said that maybe it's best if I don't arrange it for her after all. I accepted immediately and said that I really wanted her to be happy and if she preferred someone else to arrange it instead that that would be the best option going forward, and that I will not be involved any further and attend as a guest. And she agreed to this. A few hours passed that day and suddenly she messages me again and apologized for being rude and saying she was just stressed etc. But she really wants me to still plan the party for her so she'll 'let' me do it. I feel that my offer was very gracious and the fact that I opened my home to her and her family was generous, in addition to paying for the event.

But was I in fact the real the A hole here?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Top-Coffee-2556 on 2023-09-20 17:54:12.

My wife and I (both 35) are very fortunate to live in an area with a wonderful public school system. Both of our kids go to the local elementary school, and they are doing beautifully. There’s a really good sense of community there as well. We’re very happy.

My sister lives near me, and she decided to send her son (12) the charter school outside of our district. He’s been there since 1st grade. She has the idea in her head that this is more “elite” as opposed to public school. I don’t like charter schools for various reasons I’m sure most people know, but I guess I’m aware why they could be needed. I didn’t act like I understood her choice, but it was her choice. Her son has some learning disabilities and I did caution her that sometimes charter schools can cut students like that, but she waved me off.

Well, last year he got expelled because of low test scores. This year he started at the local middle school, which is fantastic. My sister doesn’t think so though. She has done nothing but complain about the school and how they don’t have MacBooks (they have Dell computers. They are fine) and things like that. She was at my house for coffee and just would not stop so I finally said “you’re the one who sent him to charter school. You knew this could happen. I told you this could happen. Stop complaining.” She did not take that well at all and left after yelling at me.

Now my parents have called me saying she’s incredibly upset and while they aren’t taking sides, I should probably apologize. The thing is though, I don’t think I should. She was the one who chose to put her kid in charter schools knowing what a charter school was and could do.

AITA? Should I apologize?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CuriousMomma_64 on 2023-09-20 15:54:46.

I (35) have been with my husband (37) for 15 years. We have two kids D (8) and A (5). For the most part we agree on a lot of things when it comes to parenting, but we have our moments … this now being one of them. D’s birthday is tomorrow. We planned on taking him to Disney for the weekend as a surprise.

Unfortunately, A has been acting out recently. She is 5, so she has her normal tantrums and behavioral stuff. However, it has become increasingly frustrating. We use a reward/consequence system at home, which helps at times. We also spend a lot of time talking to her to see what is causing her to act out. I have come to the conclusion that she wants to be helpful, but she wants to do it her way. Again she is 5.

Anyways, we obviously can’t cancel the Disney trip as that would be unfair to D. So initially we agreed to take her (my ILs are coming so we can’t leave A with them) but she wouldn’t be allowed to ride on the rides. My FIL doesn’t do rollercoasters so she will sit with him. If he decides to do a ride, we will all go. Yesterday I spent 30 minutes talking to her in her room before bedtime and she was really hard on herself. It made me feel bad and I feel like this punsihment may be too harsh.

She has other consequences that we have put into place but I feel like taking her to Disney and making her stay behind while we go on rides is just cruel. I initially agreed to this consequence, but I am starting to change my mind. My husband thinks we should stick to our original agreement.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Vanilla5085 on 2023-09-20 13:01:05.

I (20M) was hanging out with my twin, his girlfriend and our common friends group to get drinks. My brother's relationship is still fairly new and I only met his gf twice before. I jokingly ask her if I'm as handsome as my brother and she replies that I'm not really her type. I tell her she must be lying considering that I look almost identical to her boyfriend, however my brother tells me that I can stop showing off now. I everyone understood that I was just making a bit of banter, but my brother confronted me afterwards about me trying to show him up and trying to flirt with his girl. I told him again that I was just bantering with her, but he didn't believe me and he's still mad at me.

Some of my friends do believe my brother is just unreasonably jealous of me, however others think I may have made his girlfriend uncomfortable (even tho she ddin't look like she was while we were talking) and I should apologise to both of them. AITA ?

Edit: I meant to say "her type" in the title, sorry for the typo, English isn't my first language.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Objective_Cod7272 on 2023-09-20 16:17:03.

I (30f) have no contact with my older brother (34m) or his wife (28f) and have not done for over a year.

For around three years prior to that our relationship was only upsetting. No matter what I did or said his wife would claim I was behaving rudely or maliciously and would scream and cry until I apologised.

My brother, her parents and her brother contacted me over the years to explain this was how she "related to girls". Screaming and crying and "reconciling" afterwards was her way to be close to girls and I was urged many times to play along and accept this about her because over time we would become close from it.

But it got to the point where it was unbearable. Every message and interaction with her was exhausting and she delighted in putting me down in front of other people.

My brother absolutely enabled this and made everything worse. In fact the final straw was him secretly recording a conversation we had where he asked me some deeply personal questions (at the time I thought he was trying to be vulnerable together to mend our relationship) and I caught him playing the recording to her as they both laughed at me.

I got a job opportunity far away and jumped at it, making going no contact suddenly much easier, and have not spoken to either of them since. They have also not tried to contact me since I moved.

They recently had a child, something I only know about because my mum told me, and she has begun pestering me to visit them and send gifts/messages. I have tried to say "no, thank you", and even explained if they reached out I would respond, but I am not interested in initiating contact.

But every conversation I have with her now begins and ends with "you are an aunt now, you need to act like it", or some variation. So today I said "I am not aunt, I am not in this baby's life in any way" and she was really upset with me.

She asked me if I was rejecting her grandchild, which of course I am not. She is welcome to have a relationship with whoever she wants and be as involved as she wants. But I am not in this baby's life, as an aunt or otherwise, and I don't see that changing in the future honestly.

The conversation only soured from there, with her insisting that if I refuse to accept I am an aunt, then I am claiming she is not a grandmother. She is now not speaking to me and insists I am being unnecessarily hurtful and creating sadness in a time that should be happy... I really don't think of myself as an aunt at all, but am now wondering if it was cruel to voice that thought? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/bmw04691 on 2023-09-20 16:10:42.

My wife of 12 yrs and i never go out since having our first child 7 years ago. I've constantly complained that she never makes time for our marriage and us and our relationship has definitely suffered. Now she wants to make an effort to go out and hang out. It was my birthday recently and she said she had a surprise for my birthday that we were going out somewhere. Im excited because we are having a date night and then a few days prior she tells me we are going to a macklemore concert with two of her friends and their children. So 6 people total including two children. We do not have a lot of money and she spent over 200 for 2 tickets. Now one of the very few times we get to hang out and see each other its with another couple and two kids. But better yet i dont like macklemore. I dont know one song he sings and im not even a fan of going to concerts. Much rather go to a sporting event. This is my birthday gift from her!!! Am i an asshole for being pissed i have to go to this when clearly this is a completely selfish thing she did be she wants to go the the concert and its with her friends?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Caringcarebear3255 on 2023-09-20 14:02:59.

I want to start this by clarifying that I am not in the wedding party, I would have been a guest. My fiancé and I were invited to his sisters out of state wedding happening at the end of this month. As a courtesy and to build friendship I sent her a picture of two dresses that I was deciding between 4 months before the wedding and asked her opinion. We don't have a lot in common and this was the only thing I knew we could carry a conversation about. She picked the pretty blue dress that matched the family color theme. Fast forward to 3 weeks before the wedding she sends me a text saying she decided she doesn't like the dress after all and says she will take me shopping at goodwill to get a dress "more appropriate" for $10 max. I told her I paid a lot for the dress and didn't understand the issue. She texted back huge messages about I needed to get over myself and had no idea how stressful it is to plan a wedding, that she doesn't even know if she can pay for the venue. She had asked to borrow $1000 a week before that for the wedding and we couldn't help as we are saving for our own wedding and didnt feel comfortable we would be paid back as has happened in the past. She ended the convo there but later texted my fiance letting him know my son from a previous relationship and his "girlfriend" meaning me are no longer invited to the wedding. My fiance is refusing to go without us and told her we are his family. She retracted the whole statement a day later and said everyone could come but I don't go where I am not wanted. I told my fiance he could go without me if he wanted but he doesnt want to go anymore. AITA for refusing to go?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SlipAny5971 on 2023-09-20 15:20:00.

Update: I informed everyone we need to find a different dress. And now I am getting pissed off text since we have been shopping five times before this and this was the only dress everyone liked.

will make it really clear, her boobs are literally falling out of it. She moves and pop the girls are out.

We went shopping for bridesmaid dresses and we found one we all liked, it is a v line strapless dress. Now my one friend Cindy has a much bigger chest than the rest of us so when she tried it on her breasts were basically popping out. Everyone else has a smaller chest didn’t have this problem at all.

We tried a larger size and it way too baggy with that so we talked to the employee and they suggested a panel to give more support and coverage. I informed Cindy that we will add a panel to hers and it will be all good. She got really mad at me and told me I was shaming her. She called me an asshole and left. My other bridesmaid are on my side especially since I am paying for the dress and we all know dresses look different on people since everyone has different body types.

She informed me if I don’t let her go as is she will drop out of the wedding . AITA?

She was moving a bit at shop and her breast were popping out, they weren’t staying in it was especially bad when she went to reach for things.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/282ph4sevox on 2023-09-20 13:42:20.

I (23) have an ex-boyfriend John (29). I broke up with him 3 years ago. John took the breakup very badly and refused to accept my decision for a long time. Because of that I started NC, which he took even worse.

During NC I studied, moved to the capital and found my dream job (it's a very unique job connected to my hobby). A year ago John contacted me again, asking if I wanted to meet for a coffee as friends. As it turned out, he wanted get back together. I told him I still feel the same and that I have a boyfriend (one of my colleagues). He was disappointed but accepted it.

John figured out where I work and started going to our place regularly as a customer. I couldn't do anything about it but after a year I would even say that we have established a somewhat friendly relationship.

John showed great interest in the content of my work. He said that he would like to work in our company, but in a branch that is about 12 miles away so that we don't work together. A few weeks ago he asked me if my boyfriend would mind if we all happened to work together (in our team of 10 people) and I said probably yes, but it would definitely make ME uncomfortable.

Yesterday, my boss came to me asking if I don't know John by any chance and if he isn't my ex-boyfriend, whom I once told him about. It turned out that John applied to our branch. The boss asked me if I wanted to work with him and I said no; but that I will refer him to a branch 12 miles away. The boss said that he has an interview with him tomorrow and that if he likes him, he will recommend him elsewhere, but that he will definitely not work in our team.

I asked John why he wanted to work at our branch even though I told him it would make me uncomfortable. He replied that he thought I wasn't serious about that and that he has finally gotten over our breakup and that he plans to move to a new apartment located 15 minutes from our branch (he wants to live super close to me and my boyfriend). He doesn't want to commute to the other branch and he thought that I'll be fine with his decision. Well I am not and now he thinks I am an asshole for making him commute further and potentially destroying his chances to get this job.

Not only that but more people (including my boyfriend) are kinda on his side and think I shouldn't mind working with him if we both moved on.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Lilith_Babes on 2023-09-20 13:23:56.

I just had my baby Shower and I tried really hard to make it a women’s only event in the beginning besides my son (5M). It was small and only having friends and family but everyone started inviting along their husbands/boyfriends and their children.

Finally, I said whatever to avoid conflict and I had my fiancé come to the shower as well.

When it came time to open presents I had told my son previously that he could help me open some for his baby brother and I thought it would be a great opportunity to get some really cute photos of me, my son, and my fiancé in front of the balloon arch and decorations.

Another little boy (6M) who is close with my son eagerly asked his mom “Can I open presents too?!” To which his mom replied “Oh! That sounds like a great idea! Go ask OP” and when the little boy ran up to me I didn’t know how to tell him no. My mom and my friend tried speaking to his mom quietly without the kid hearing but she insisted “OP wouldn’t mind my son is a sweet kid he’d be so happy doing the presents”

To be clear NOTHING was said in front of the child or with him being able to hear. Needless to say that kid was able to open most of my presents and was in every photo.

Nobody got any photos of just me and my small family because this kid would not leave my sons side (they’re friends so I get it)

I bit my tongue and sucked it up and later used photoshop to remove the other kid so I could have a photo of just me, my son, and my fiancé. The mother is very upset with me saying I shouldn’t have removed her son from the photos and that it hurts her feelings I would so easily exclude her son. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Horror_Highlight32 on 2023-09-20 13:02:20.

My daughter "Ella" [26F] is a doctor. She works very hard and is very talented. She's spent most of her life with her mother but took up a position at a hospital near me, and so moved in with me.

She doesn't own a car at the moment but I've insured her to drive mine so she can use it to get to work.

Ella worked a lot of continuous 12 hour shifts, and finally got a day off today. She's pretty exhausted, but had an errand to run. She ordered a new pair of designer trainers, but neither of us were at home when they arrived, so they were left at a delivery centre nearby for her to collect.

There is a bus stop about 5 minutes walk from my place, and the bus stops right outside the delivery centre. It's about a 20 minute journey.

Ella asked if she could borrow the car to pick up the shoes. I said no. I only use the car to get to work, if I'm carrying a lot of things. I don't use the car for anywhere that is walking distance or a short journey on public transport.

Ella got upset, and argued that she's been on her feet all day for several days and is too tired. She then said that she's "not the sort of person who uses public transport".

Her mother's and their family are extremely well off. Ella went to a very prestigious private school. Unfortunately they also have certain... attitudes towards people not as fortunate, one of which is that public transport is used by "unsuccessful" people. When she said about not being the sort of person who uses it, I said that she needs to get that snobby private school attitude out of her head if she wants to get anywhere in life. She swore at me and stormed off, but did end up going on the bus to get the shoes.

While she was gone Ella's mother called me, shouting at me for "making our daughter's life difficult" and accusing me of "trying to hold her back" etc. She said I should "show that I care" that she's worked so hard at the hospital.

I accept that I shouldn't have said the private school comment, but Ella isn't so tired she can't brave a 5 minute walk to the bus stop. I don't want her to be reliant on the car when there are other ways to get where she needs to go.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowRA3839230303 on 2023-09-20 11:50:57.

I (29F) am in a complex situation that I never thought I'd find myself in. My husband (32M) and I decided to pursue surrogacy as we were unable to conceive on our own due to medical reasons. His sister, let's call her Sarah (45F), graciously offered to be our surrogate, and we were overjoyed. She has 2 children of her own (22F) (24M) who’s births went smoothly so we thought it wouldn’t be a burden on her body and since she was healthy we agreed to go further with the process.

Fast forward to six months ago when our beautiful baby girl was born. We were beyond grateful to Sarah for her incredible gift to us, but that's when things started to get tricky. Sarah seemed to become extremely possessive of the baby, acting like she was the mother.

Whenever she would come over to our home she insisted on being present for diaper changing, feeding, and naptime. At first I had no problem with this but I told her it would be better for her to rest having given birth recently. But she insisted on helping out. But then things changed, she constantly started telling me how to care for the baby as she ‘has more experience’.

She acts like she knows what's best for our child more than we do. She even started referring to the baby as "her baby" in front of our friends and family during family gatherings and constantly reminds them that she birthed my baby and tells people about my fertility issues saying how unfortunate it is.

Naturally, this has caused tension between my husband and me. I've attempted to talk to my husband about it, and while he acknowledges that her behavior can be overbearing, he didnt want to confront her because he's afraid it will strain their relationship. He thinks we owe her too much to criticize her actions.

But despite this, I finally decided to have a conversation with Sarah about her behavior. I expressed my gratitude for her surrogacy but explained that it was causing confusion and stress for our family. I tried to explain how her actions were making me feel overwhelmed and that I wanted to establish boundaries as it’s MY baby. She became emotional and accused me of not appreciating everything she had done for us, reminding me that she was the reason we had a child in the first place. she said i was not understanding the bond she had developed with the baby during pregnancy.

After the argument I noticed how some of my husbands side of the family started treating me differently and looked at me differently. I feel so stressed and don’t know what to do.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PilotGlittering2169 on 2023-09-20 13:22:17.

I am a 28f, my boyfriend is 29m. We have been together for 3 years and also own a house together. After we bought our property, I was asked by my family and friends when we are likely to be engaged by as we are both in stable jobs, we're a decent age and have nothing else holding us back. I didn't really know how to answer them as myself and my boyfriend had never spoken about that topic properly. I then tried to discuss the possibility of marriage with my boyfriend, however he seemed on edge when I asked him and told me that it's something that would happen in the next few years but it doesn't need to be discussed as he wants it to be a surprise. I found this quite odd, as surely he would want to know what kind of ring I wanted, how my perfect proposal would look like etc.

Fast forward to this week, we are both on holiday in a lovely location and he takes me to this public rooftop bar which is full of people having drinks and there is a massive "Marry Me?" sign with rose petals and lights. He gets down on one knee whilst these strangers at the bar are gushing and taking videos, and pulls out the ugliest ring I've ever seen. I'm sure it's lovely to some, but silver jewellery doesn't suit me and its also a really fat bulky diamond that must have cost him a fortune. I'm immediately taken back, start crying and tell him No and run outside of the bar. I've never felt more embarrassed in my life, especially amongst all those people. He runs out of the bar too, and starts shouting at me whilst crying, saying he is embarrassed and doesn't know why I ruined everything.

I'm now back home in our house, but unfortunately he's told our immediate family and friends that I said no which means he doesn't know if there is a future for us anymore. I've already spoken to him and said that if he had an open and honest conversation with me before the proposal about marriage, he would have known that I would have preferred a quiet and intimate proposal with just the 2 of us, and a dainty/small gold ring. He never bothered to ask me what I wanted and now has to suffer the consequences. He then went onto tell me that if he asked me, I would have known that a proposal was coming and therefore wouldn't have been surprised and he went with what he thought was special for me. We're now both in limbo about everything. Am I the asshole?

Edit: I think people are confused. I tried to talk about marriage/proposals/engagement months ago with him, but it always ended up in an argument because he was too uncomfortable talking about it. I put it down to either he just didn't want to marry me yet and wasn't ready (which is fine) or genuinely wanted it to be a surprise. I only said no because I had an image of what my perfect proposal would look like and he didn't bother asking or trying to find out what I wanted, instead it felt like he made it all about him in the name of a "surprise". I'm sure couples who are about to get engaged would know the sort of ring their partner would want etc...it's the bare minimum right for such a big moment.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/azrielsowl on 2023-09-20 13:14:17.

It was my husband’s birthday yesterday so I planned a birthday dinner with both of our families for him which he basically missed because his meeting overran by a lot. Our son is 3 and I have him in a routine so I made sure he ate at his regular time. I didn’t want to give him a load of sugar right before bed because I knew he wouldn’t sleep, so I let him have some of the cake once he had finished his dinner.

I don’t think it’s a big deal because my son is the one who wanted to buy the cake as a present for his dad otherwise I probably wouldn’t have got one as my husband isn’t a big cake fan. My sister-in-law (my husband’s brother’s wife) is the one who turned this into an issue because she told me it was rude for us to cut the cake without the birthday boy and I should make my son wait since my husband would be home “soon”. I know my husband and soon could mean anywhere from 20 mins to 3 hours and I wasn’t going to wait that long so I gave my son the cake.

Multiple people told me I shouldn’t have done it after my sister-in-law spoke up and I’ll be honest, they were getting under my skin since why should my son miss out on the cake because his dad is late?

My husband came home over an hour later and when he saw the cake he jokingly told our son off for stealing his cake but he wasn’t being serious.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/peterlikeschicken on 2023-09-20 12:31:51.

I will try to keep this short. Few months ago one of my bros started to see a girl she met on Bumble, i recognized her as soon as i saw her. She was an ex classmate of mine (from high school)

They clicked along and their thing quickly turned into a full blown relationship. I was happy for my friend as they seemed to get along very well.

Fast upon to yesterday, my friend told me that they broke apart. I asked him why and he said he found out her body count and then also heard about how she was an h word and passed around a lot in HS. (He heard that through another mutual friend )

He was mad at me for not warning him about it earlier. I was like wtf ? Like yeah sure i knew she dated a lot in HS but she’s an extremely pretty woman and was one of the popular girls in HS so how that’s any surprising or something to warn him about. So i defended myself (also her) by saying this. Tbh i wanted to say he was dumbass for breaking over something like that but didn’t want to be too hard on him as he’s going into a break up.

He called me an AH for breaking bro code and said i should have think of him before defending her as he’s my friend. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TowerIcy4975 on 2023-09-20 10:37:30.

My parents broke up when I (16m) was 6. There was no cheating involved. They were also never married. But my dad was always shitty to my mom. He would call her things like "dumb c***" and would tell her she was worthless. One time, right before my mom finally left him, he told her it was all her fault they were stuck together and she should have known her IUD was failing. He also taunted her that her body couldn't even respond correctly to an IUD pregnancy and that most women's bodies know to get rid of them.

He never said things like that directly in front of me. But he also didn't know that kids will often hear shit they don't want to hear. I didn't fully get what it all meant back then. I just hated hearing my mom cry so much.

They ended up with shared custody of me after the breakup and my dad got married and started a family with his wife. My half siblings are 7, 5, 4, 2 and 4 months old. My 7 and 5 year old half siblings have asked why I go to mom's without them and if they can go. My dad heard that one time and decided that my mom should be inviting my half siblings over and offering to babysit. This was maybe 6ish months ago and ever since he has been on her case and pressing her to meet my half siblings and invite them over when I'm home with her.

I told my half siblings they don't get to come because they live with their mom and dad already. But I live with my mom too. Just at a different time. They were all excited and said we could all have two homes and they could come. I said no, that it didn't work that way.

My dad and his wife didn't explain shit to them and dad just kept pressing the issue with mom. I heard him on the phone with her and he even tried telling me that I needed to pick the 7 and 5 year old's up from school and bring them to mom's when I was going.

Mom tries to keep me out of it but I see the strain it puts on her. I know she has intentionally kept away from my dad and has never met the kids he has for a reason. I decided to approach my mom about it all and she was so upset that I knew. I promised her that I did not blame her and I asked if she would go back to court and get a judge to grant me permission to decide if I go to dad's. She said she would talk to her lawyer first and then go. Her lawyer said the wording was vague but I could possibly just stop going and she wouldn't get into trouble with the lawyer since technically the wording isn't very strong on how long the order lasts. Mom and I agreed though that dad would probably fight it, for appearances sake more than out of love for me. The only reason I don't just stop going now is if we can avoid court I want to, for mom's sake.

When dad started his hit with mom two days ago I told him he needs to leave mom alone or I won't come to his house anymore. I said she doesn't need to take care of his other kids and he doesn't need to harass her over it. He said I had no right to interfere in an adult issue and told me I should speak to him with more respect.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Dense_Feed_5743 on 2023-09-20 08:15:08.

Throwaway account.

My spouse is no-contact with his parents for years now. They're repulsive narcissists who spent his childhood literally beating him, to say nothing of the accompanying mental abuse.

A few times a year (birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc) they reach out via text message. He NEVER responds, but it ruins his day/week/month and he often reacts in very self-destructive ways - he'll drink too much, has driven drunk, that kind of thing. I know that's his (our) problem. He's working on it in therapy. I have no idea why he hasn't simply blocked his family's messages, but he hasn't despite, again, NEVER responding to them.

Today I woke up early and suspected he'd get one of these text messages. I checked his phone. He did. I deleted it and went back to bed.

I don't think what I did was "right", but I don't feel guilty about it, either. We had a great day, free from the usual bullshit that always accompanies his family's messages on important days.

I guess what I'm asking is - have I fucked up in some horrific way? Would you be furious if you found out your spouse had done this? I can see how I would be TA here. I fucked with his phone/privacy and made a unilateral decision about what he should see. Maybe I should have let him deal with it, even if it meant he'd react in the usual really negative way.

Thank you for your time and responses.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Nasty-Comments on 2023-09-20 11:29:26.

My husband (M35) and I (F34) were recently at my sister's (F40) birthday party, which was quite big. A lot of family and friends were there, many of whom we had not met before.

As the evening drew on, many people with young children left, but by the time the party was wrapping up at midnight, there were still a few teenagers around. My sister has two teenagers herself (F16 and M17), and they had all stuck together most of the night so I hadn't interacted with many of them at all.

That being said, while I was lending my sister a hand and helping to clean up, I overheard a conversation between my niece and another boy (M18). He was trying to encourage her to take some of the leftover alcohol before the adults noticed, and my niece was repeatedly telling him that she did not want to. At this point, I will not lie, I was absolutely evesdropping because it seemed to be getting worse and worse by the second. I think they thought they were being quiet and not drawing attention, but didn't anticipate me standing where I could hear them.

I decided to step in when the boy told my niece that she could "cop a feel" if she took some of the alcohol, and he would show her a good time later. My niece said "Ew, gross" and I walked over and asked the boy how dare he speak to someone like that. He looked like a deer in headlights when he realised I had overheard the whole thing and kept stuttering, but I told him that he still had a lot more growing up to do if he thought any of what he said was okay. I told him that he should be ashamed of himself for showing so much disrespect to my niece. I said that she had already told him that she didn't want to take the drinks, and to try and pressure her and bargain with s*x was a horrible thing to do.

I hadn't noticed, but the boy's dad (M37) had come over while I was talking and said that I had no right to discipline his child, and that his son had done nothing wrong aside from being a teenager. He said that I had emasculated his son in front of a peer, and I was shaming him for having "urges" which are totally normal for his age group. He did start to raise his voice at me when he was asking who I thought I was, which is then what attracted the attention of my husband and the rest of the party. My husband told him to back off and not speak to me that way, which is when my sister basically threw us all out and called me an embarrassment.

She has subsequently texted me saying that I am not welcome again until I apologise to the boy and his father, and her whole birthday was ruined because I had to stick my nose where it didn't belong. She said the boy's dad was actually a coworker of hers, and I have made her work life hell when it wasn't my place to say anything from the beginnining. I am now starting to feel quite bad - was I the AH?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Castiza on 2023-09-20 07:53:58.

I (30f) regularly have friends over to stay the night. For a long time, I utilized our large couch for any guests that wanted to stay over (it's pretty comfy and I personally have slept nicely on it). However, I have recently furnished my son's room with a bigger bed for once he is older and moves out of our room. I allow guests to use it, however I have noticed that one of my friends (27f) has used it to hook up. Note: this is not really a guest bed, but the bed that my son will be sleeping on. I also won't be pushing my son out of his room for guests in the future once he is able to sleep in his bed.

So would I be the asshole if I established boundaries for his bed? I don't want to be the sex police, but it's also not what I established as a guest bed. I wouldn't care if it was truly a guest room/guest bed.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Inner-Extent3102 on 2023-09-20 10:17:23.

My (28M) background: In the house I grew up in, everyone would eat whatever food my parents made and be thankful for it. I can't recall anything bad tasting, but even foods I don't "like" I would just not eat, and never modify them. It's just the way it's always been. I can't even imagine one of my siblings doing it to my parents, or my parents doing it to one another.

Back to my girlfriend (24F): I love her very much, but sometimes she does strange things to food that for whatever reason I can't explain make me just feel unappreciated.

For instance, I bought protein bars coated in dark chocolate. I shared them with her. Later I saw a bunch of them "naked" in a plastic bag. She'd cut off the coating, and leave the center. She said she doesn't like the center but the chocolate is tasty. I suggested I'd buy her dark chocolate since this is a waste but she said she likes that specific chocolate, and I could eat the center if I'd like. No, I don't want to eat just the center, I want to enjoy the entire protein bar.. this gives me Cartman and KFC episode vibes.

Another example from today - I made chicken curry. She had it before, and she said she really liked it. Today, I walk in to her washing the cooked chicken bits and rinsing them in water. I was really confused. She started laughing and said "don't look at me". I didn't find it funny, it was quite offensive. It was a waste of food and just disrespect to my cooking. This started an argument which led to her crying.

There have been more examples similar to those which I can't remember for now.

She has the right to eat her food in any way she wants it, but this doesn't change the fact that I find it upsetting when she wastes food and messes with my cooking. I asked her how would she feel if I did the same with her cooking, to which she responded with "I'd want you to enjoy the food in the way you like it" (no, not really. She once got upset because I added salt to a dish she made).

So...AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/st3akkn1fe on 2023-09-20 09:23:30.

A bit of a misleading title really. However, here is my story and the situation I'm in:

I have a close friend who I'll call Dave. Dave and I met while working on a secure ward for people with MH issues. Part of our role saw us do some community work out in local youth groups to help children with various MH issues meet each other and socialise. While we were doing this a young man i'll call John started to attend. John is pretty independent but is very autistic. He can get around on his own but needs some support with certain things. He's very awkward socially and you can't really talk to him in the same way you would with a neuro typical person. This is OK if you're working with him as obviously that's the job.

However, socialising with him would be a pain. He doesn't understand the lives of a typical person, he'll make comments about young girls which are inappropriate, he'll talk about Nintendo games and the girls in the games and refer to them as his girlfriends etc. He's also very entitled and due to the fact he has support workers who will do stuff for him he just assumes everyone will do the same. He'll expect a lift or to be picked up and things.

Now, Dave and I have moved on from this role. We've known each other about 15 years and although we met in this workplace we've since long left and do different things. Dave has stayed in touch with John though and will have a coffee with him from time to time.

The problem I have is that Dave and I have made plans to hang out once a month as we both agreed it had been hard to make time outside of families and things to do stuff. Dave text me today though to tell me that he's seeing John before we meet and that John will probably come with him.

Am I the arsehole for not wanting to hang around with Dave and John? Obviously, my plan was to just catch up with a friend and just sort of shoot the shit, have a few beers or watch a movie and go home. I really don't want to spend the time listening to John talk about which computer game character is the hottest or whatever.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/copyboy1 on 2023-09-20 04:29:22.

So here's the situation: My wife constantly buys food, wants to "savor it" and then lets it go bad.

An example: She has ice cream in our fridge that's at least 7 years old. It's completely crystalized at this point (due to some melting/refreezing after some power outages) and inedible. But she doesn't like to eat anything she buys too fast. So she'll have a tiny bit of ice cream, and then a month later another tiny bit, and then 2 months later... You get the drift. But almost without fail, she'll forget it's even in there and it goes bad. Desserts, cookies, chocolate, cheese, cereal - it happens with everything.

So when I see she's completely forgotten about something that I know she'll just let go bad, I eat it.

Then she gets pissed at me, claiming it's her food and she can let it go bad if she wants to. That I shouldn't eat her food.

So... am I the asshole for eating her food that she's just going to let go bad?