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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/notdeadyet10 on 2023-09-19 20:42:37.

I (48m) have been with my wife for 6 years. She has a daughter named Elle (16f) that I now consider as my child also. For 2 years now, she has been acting out, as any teenager does.

Since maybe 2 months, she is worse than ever. What bothers me the most is how she treats her mother. She’s calling her the worst names (b*tch, lazy, fat, a bad mom, etc.). The thing I love the most about my wife is her personality and how much of a good and caring mother she is to Elle. She works 2 jobs and works so hard to offer Elle a beautiful life.

Yesterday, my wife and Elle got into a big fight. During the argument, I heard Elle say "the only thing that you know how to do is make my life a fucking nightmare". I exploded. I always tried to keep the peace in the family and do my best to hear both sides. But now, i couldn’t believe my ears. I cut Elle off and told her "Elle, stop being such an ungrateful brat, I can’t believe that you don’t realise what your mother does every single day for you. She works so hard to offer you the life and the opportunities that you have the chance to have". After that she told me to stop talking to her because I wasn’t her real dad.

My wife was okay with what I said, and thanked me for defending her, but she also told me that next time i should use a less hurtfull word. AITA for what I said?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/RanchhandLuke on 2023-09-19 20:15:16.

She’s my fiancée right now but the argument we’re having is that once we’re married, she wants her name on the house deed.

Years ago, I bought several acres as soon as I could afford it. Back then it was part of a ranch surrounded by other ranches. The owner needed money so he parceled out this section and sold it to me. I built a small house on it and have lived in it ever since. Since it was originally part of a ranch, I did enough to legally keep it classified as a ranch so the property tax is extremely low.

Over the years, companies started to move to the neighboring big city and land prices started to go up. Almost all of the ranchers sold their lands to developers so now there are huge houses surrounding mine. They start from $500,000 and go to several million. None of them sit on even an acre of land. My house is clearly the worst house around and I have no doubt it’s bringing the value of nearby houses down.

That’s all happened before I met and dated my fiancée. Now that we’re engaged, we’re talking seriously about our finances and the only sticking point is the house. She wants her name on the deed once we’re married because we’ll be sharing our lives. Alternatively, she wants me to sell the house and we purchase a house together. I don’t find either options attractive.

In our state, whatever we bring to the marriage we take out. Since I will be bringing the house into the marriage, I can leave with it should things not work out. If I put her name on it, then she’ll get half. If I sell the house, there’s no way I’ll be able to afford anything that’s even close to what I have now. Not to mention our property tax will be several times higher. Then there’s the drive time. My house is 30 minutes away from my work and 40 from hers. House prices has gone up so much that we’ll have to move at least an hour away from our jobs.

Like I said, we agreed with or compromised on everything else. This one issue is the only sticking point and it’s becoming a big one. So much so that she brought her family into it. This weekend her father took me out to dinner to have a man to man talk. He told me that if we’re going to join our lives, we have to join everything. He expects me to do the right thing if I want to join their family. So now it’s her entire family on one side and me by myself on the other. Am I wrong to want to keep the house I built by myself to myself?

Edit 1 to answer a good question:

Neither of us are rich. I bought the land at a very low price but now it’s worth 10 times as much. Even if I offer to sell half of it to her at its current value, there’s no way she can afford it. That’s why if we buy a house together, we’ll have to move far from here and our jobs in order to get one we can both afford.

Edit 2 to answer some common questions:

In all, I spent about $200,000 to buy the land and build the house. Everything is paid off and I pay the extremely low taxes every year. The tax assessment on my property is about $2 million. I don’t know anything about refinancing but at our salary level, I highly doubt we would qualify. In fact, we’ve spoken to a real estate agent and with a 20% down, our salary qualifies us for a $300,000 house. The property tax on a $300,000 house is many times the currently tax I pay now. I’m comfortable with us living in my house and paying all the taxes and maintenance by myself.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/XxDeathReaper420xX on 2023-09-19 19:31:44.

For a bit of backstory, my girlfriend (19f) and I (21m) had an apartment together and she had recently quit her job and stopped going to college because she was feeling too stressed. I constantly told her not to do it and how it would be selfish of her to do so when we have bills to pay. But she ignored what I said and stopped going to both anyways. Meanwhile I am a blue collar worker and have been working nonstop 12 hour shifts 5 days a week to put a roof over our head. I rightfully got a bit upset at her when I found this news out but ultimately decided I’d try to work this out with her. I told her if she was going to stay home without a job or going to college that she must take care of the household chores while I’m gone and put in job applications.

She had agreed with me after a bit of talking and after the first few days it was going decent. She would cook meals for me, take care of the house, and she had even put in a few job applications to some local retail stores. But after about a week of this she got lazy, I’d come home and see dirty laundry, piles of dishes, she began to cook only for herself, and on top of all this, she still had not found a job. I confronted her about this and she began telling me the same story that she’s depressed which made me a bit annoyed with her. I told her that I am depressed too but I still clock into work 12 hours a day, 5 days of the week. I said to her that the least she can do is some housework and that regardless if she is sad or not she’s an adult and needs to act like one. So she agreed to what I had said and she started taking care of things again. It wasn’t long until she went back to her ways and one day I came home to see her still asleep at 4PM and the house was a mess, no laundry was done, clothes were scattered on our floor, no dishes done, our plants weren’t watered, nothing was made for dinner, and she had water bottles and food everywhere. I woke her up and told her that if she’s going to disrespect me like this while I provide for her that she needs to leave.

She started begging me to let her stay and I felt a bit sad but I ultimately stood by my words. I felt bad about kicking her out on her own, so I called up her parents whom I have a pretty good relationship with and told them the situation. I worked out a deal with them and they agreed to have my girlfriend move back into their house, I told my girlfriend that if she wanted to get back together she’s going to need to do the right thing and get a job. I helped her move her things into her parents place and said my goodbyes to her. Fast forward nearly a month later and I hear from her parents that she is still unemployed. I felt a bit sad hearing that, but she’s an adult and at the end of the day she needs to fulfill her role. I’m just one person and I’m at a stage in my life where I can’t provide for two.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/LostConfidence4 on 2023-09-19 18:15:26.

I (40/M) told my wife (40/F), married for 15 years, this weekend thst I didn't feel appreciated the past 2 weeks and it blew up in my face.

The past 2 weeks I have taken on doing all the chores around the house (cooking, cleaning, dishes, kids stuff, etc.) while she has focused on catching up with work. Last Saturday/Sunday she worked from home both days and didn't really engage with me or our 2 young sons 5 & 7. This past Thursday our youngest was sick, so I took the day off because she could not miss work. This past Friday I had pre-planned to take off so I could enjoy a day. My wife worked from home, but I ended up staying home taking care of of son again. She gave me 30 minutes of her time to watch our kid so I could go get a haircut. Saturday morning she decided to go get vaccinated (covid / flu) and stayed on the couch ignoring everyone again, claiming the vaccine wore her out. Sunday morning after breakfast and the kids were distracted I tried talking to her to let her know I didn't feel acknowledged or appreciated for taking up the extra slack for 2 weeks in a row. She shut down the conversation telling me, "congrats on being a parent" and walked away.

AITA for wanting to talk about not feeling valued?

Edit - since there are multiple comments about thr breakdown of work: On weekdays she will help get the kids dressed in the morning for school. I cook breakfast for them, drop them off at school, pick them up from school, make dinner & entertain them until wife gets home. I empty dishwasher/ refill or hand clean things that need to be cleaned. We normally alternate who puts which kid to bed.

Weekend meals will vary based on her mood.

Weekends I am usually entertaining the kids if we stay home (she's usually glued to TV or tablet but will help manage kids when they act out). When youngest is napping, I'll mow the lawn or work on other house projects. She normally handles laundry, but I do the folding/putaway for me & kids.

Edit 2: I clean all the bathrooms except hers (we have young boys with bad aim). I vacuum the carpet on the weekend. We have a robot that does the hardwood floor daily. Neither of us mop since we have hardwood floors. I'm also in charge of getting the trash / recycling handled.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PlaygroundAITA on 2023-09-19 16:57:15.

My (33F) golden named Trixxy and I live near a public park. They have a large public playground that Trixxy likes to go to. Due to my work schedule we either go early in the morning or late at night. Typically there are not a lot of kids at those times of the day. I'd avoid hours with lots of kids because I don't want them coming up to Trixxy. I"m responsible, anytime Trixxy poops I pick it up and she is on verbal recall at all times, which is the law.

Today, It was Trixxy and I and one other family. Trixxy was running at the playground, she likes sand the most. But today, a mom asked me to not have Trixxy at the playground. She explained that this is a place for kids, it it not for dogs. I explained that their is no signage saying no dogs and i've looked up our municipalities code and there is nothing saying dogs are not allowed on playgrounds. I tell her that my dog is allowed to have fun too. I was a touch defensive, but I don't like anyone criticizing Trixxy and I.

I allow Trixxy to continue playing as we had only been there about 5 minutes. Well the mom gets angry and calls me an asshole and selfish. She says playgrounds are for kids. I tell her to drop it or go home. When it was clear I was not leaving she gathered up her kids and left. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ClaireBear_mama on 2023-09-19 18:49:34.

I (F, 33) had three children when I met my current boyfriend (M, 35) - an 11-year-old boy, a 9-year-old boy, and a 7-year-old girl. He did not have any children of his own. Within a few weeks of dating, I became pregnant again. My boyfriend, Daniel, was incredibly excited about becoming a father. Now, we have four children, including our one-year-old baby girl.

Right from the beginning, I felt that his family did not treat my children as they would their own. For instance, during my pregnancy, they invited their former daughter-in-law (Daniel's brother's ex-wife) for Christmas dinner because of their grandchildren but did not extend an invitation to my children's father (my ex-husband). They consistently attend my kids' sports events, dance performances, and generously give them Christmas and birthday presents. However, they have never volunteered to take my children to their extracurricular activities, something they do for their other grandchildren.

I shared my concerns with my boyfriend, explaining that I felt they were discriminating against my children, despite the fact that they are all cousins now. He believes I might be overthinking it and that his family genuinely loves my kids. I confronted his mother about this, and she assured me that she cares for my children but needs time to adjust to the complexity of our blended family.

Am I in the wrong to expect my boyfriend to distance himself from his parents because I feel they are discriminating against my children?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Healthy-Ganache6336 on 2023-09-19 18:09:27.

My little sister A (32f) recently came to me (34f) in tears over the fact that her and her family are going to be evicted and have nowhere to go. Her family consists of three little girls (all under 10) and lets call him D (35m). D and my sister met online when she was 20. He used pictures of some other guy and when they met he was about 350lbs. He is a world class manipulator and told my sister that his appearance shouldnt matter and love bombed her. They got married a year later where he was late to the wedding and is generally been very disrespectful to our family. My sister included. Through their marriage he is now at least 650lbs and is mainly bedbound. He doesnt work and my sister does. She has to pay for a babysitter to come while shes at work and hes home playing video games because he doesnt like to spend too much time with the kids. They are his kids? Me and him have never gotten along but at my sisters last babyshower when she was 6 months and still working, he was making comments on gross stuff like, "Im going to tell them to do a husband stitch this time." It pissed me off and I confronted him. He just backed down but he knows I am not a fan of him. His parents were at the party and were disgusted as well. Hes a lazy bum who verbally abuses my sister and their kids. My sister has thought of leaving him once or twice and Ive offered to pay for an attorney. Thats the backstory. The guy eats out 2-3 times a day, which is why they are behind on bills. Hes just a slob. He has no job and tried to make it as a streamer for a year but no one can listen to him. Hes just insufferable and belches and farts all the time. Hes a grown man that acts like a 13 year old. I had Thanksgiving at my house last year and I watched him spit on my living room carpet. Also during the Thanksgiving prayer he farted and laughed. Loudly. Just...hes gross. Im not sorry. He also mistreats my nieces. He snaps at them.like dogs since hes too lazy to get up. Demands water with ice then berates them if they forget the ice. The girl was four and just started crying and he told her to get over it. Hes just not a good guy. The girls do not like to be near him, which is fine, because he prefers to be miserable by himself.

I have the room. I have my own house with three extra bedrooms. I told her that I would take her and her kids in. Not D. I am not going to pay for him to disrespect my house and my sister in my house. My sister went and told D this and he called me screaming an calling me all sorts of names saying I was breaking up a family. I told him to be a man and he can figure it out while at least knowing his wife and kids are taken care of. He hung up. My sister is begging me to let him come with. Ive told her no. AITA? Edit: our parents are dead. The kids have nowhere else to go. I will be taking in the girls NO MATTER WHAT. im happy to do so. But I wont take in my sister if she wont stay because D isnt.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/JustHereThis1Time on 2023-09-19 17:14:56.

I (35f) work internationally as a contracted linguist for a slew of major corporations. It is my dream job and I have worked my whole life for it. My mother wanted me to go into the military and I refused, so she spent my life telling me that my sister (25) was her favorite. So as soon as I turned 18 I moved out.

Fast forward a few years, my mother got into a wreck and passed away. My sister had to sell my mom's house since she never worked a day in her life so she had no money. My sister used all the money she got from the house to go on a month long trip in Europe. And when she got back I took pity on her and took her in.

My sister was incredibly depressed and wouldn't eat, wouldn't shower, wouldn't leave her room for WEEKS. I decided to check on her at least a few times a week and once I walked into her attempting. I immediately took her to the hospital and she was admitted for 3 weeks before she was released back to me. And this is the start of a cycle.

About a month later I was running late for work but she said she was having dark thoughts so I called my boss and then took my sister to the hospital again. I have taken her to the psychiatric hospital about five times in the past 6 months. I don't mind helping her get through this, but she won't get help. She refuses to go to an actual therapist and just goes to the psychiatric hospital whenever she feels the thoughts coming back.

I have put her on my insurance and had them mail me a list of psychiatrists and she refuses to look at it. I have had to miss a week's worth of work because she tells me in the morning while I'm on my way to work that she's having dark thoughts. I am being run thin emotionally and financially trying to help her.

And about a week ago I shamefully blew up on her. My boss told me that he can't afford for me to keep taking off work and I 100% understand because I can't afford it either. So I set my sister down and told her that she needs to get a psychiatrist because I can't keep doing this with her. And quite literally the very next day as I'm getting into my car she comes running out crying that today is the day she might do something to herself and that I need to take her to the hospital immediately before she does.

I got out of my car and I just yelled at her that I can't do this anymore and that I'm going to lose my job and that she needs to look at the list because I am no longer going to be her chauffeur to the hospital. And then I went to work and while I was there I had family I didn't even know existed messaging me on Facebook about how horrible I am.

When I got home my sister admitted to reaching out to extended family. And after reading all of my family's messages I'm genuinely wondering if I am the jerk. A few of the family members thinks I need to get a job that keeps me closer to home so I can help her through this. Is that really what family does?

So, AITA for this?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/New-Length-2893 on 2023-09-19 16:21:33.

The dog was very old, very sick, and in pain. But my wife couldn't let him go.

He was pissing and crapping in the house and my wife was sleeping maybe four hours a night letting him in and out.

She almost got into an accident because she fell asleep at an intersection driving the kids to school.

I told her it was time to let him go but she couldn't. The vet has been pushing for six months now to let that poor bastard die. He was our son's dog and our son passed away in a car accident while we were dog sitting for him five years ago.

I love my son, my wife and even that damn dog but it was killing her.

I waited until she was out with her parents and I had him put down.

She is furious with me. She said I'm an asshole for taking him away from her and not giving her a chance to say goodbye.

I think that traumatizing the two kids still home is worse.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Radiant_Season_100 on 2023-09-19 15:49:07.

I (39f) have been married to Adam (43m) for 5 years now. Adam has two living children with his late wife Bex. Thea (15) and Jace (13). When Adam and I first met Bex had passed away 11 months before. We met through friends and did not date for several months. I met the kids as a friend during that time and when our relationship turned romantic they were told by Adam and we involved them in how we progressed.

Adam and I spoke about my role prior to going too far. He said the kids were worried I would try to be their mom or that I would be more involved than him, because their friends said stepmoms take over. We reassured them that would not happen and I take the role of backup but not primary parent. My husband takes the role of bad guy. I can be good guy. But we keep communication open.

The kids asked if they could say I was their dad's girlfriend/wife instead of stepmom and I was perfectly fine with that. I told them they could call me anything they wanted as long as it wasn't Miss Jones or ma'am lol. I'm fully comfortable being dad's wife because I get to have a good relationship with the kids that is genuine and they know I love them and I know they love me, even without the more parental titles.

Ever since I gave birth to my two boys 3 years and 18 months ago, my ILs have been bothered by the dad's wife title and have raised concerns. Adam spoke to them and told them we were all good with it. But they didn't listen and recently said to Thea and Jace that I am their mom or if they must, their stepmom. But I am the mom they have now. Since they did not listen to Adam I decided to correct them and I said actually, I'm their dad's wife and it doesn't offend or hurt my feelings in any way and I told them they have two awesome grandkids and should consider respecting them more and hearing them out.

My ILs were not impressed with me lol. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sea-Repeat7146 on 2023-09-19 15:27:55.

I (42f) find myself in a challenging situation within my tight-knit mom-friend group, which includes Allie, Emilia, and Cara. We've been close friends for nearly a decade, and our kids have grown up together. However, there's a growing concern within our group about Allie's husband, Matt (50m), and I'm grappling with whether I should address it.

Allie and Matt have had their fair share of relationship issues, reaching a point this summer where Allie considered ending things with him and asking him to move out. In the end, she decided to stay with him, but it's left some of us feeling uneasy. They have a son (10).

Emilia, Cara, and I are all disturbed by Matt's behavior. He often makes inappropriate comments about or to our daughters, who range in ages from 6 to 12. Frankly, it's concerning, and it raises alarms about whether this could potentially be categorized as grooming behavior. Moreover, Matt has an unsettling obsession with Cara, who is happily married, and she's felt uncomfortable around him for years.

Emilia and I have reached a point where we don't want our daughters around Matt without constant supervision, not even for a second. It's gone to the extent that we won't let our children be left alone with Allie in case Matt is around. This situation has led us to decline constant invitations from Allie for various activities, from playdates to vacations. We either make up excuses or carefully plan get-togethers to minimize contact with Matt.

What's more, a friend of mine who met Matt once independently expressed concerns about leaving her children alone with him. These concerns aren't isolated but seem to be a shared sentiment among those who've interacted with him. We do not know if Allie sees any of this.Matt's troubling behavior isn't limited to the issues with our kids. He has a history of not paying child support for his disabled child from a prior marriage, excessive drinking, and failing to contribute equally to their family responsibilities. His traumatic childhood experiences have also left him struggling to connect with Allie's family.

Now, Emilia, Cara and I face a moral dilemma. Should we sit down with Allie and discuss how Matt makes us feel, even though she hasn't asked for our input? On one hand, we feel that if the roles were reversed, we would want to know if our partner's behavior was causing concerns among our closest friends. On the other hand, bringing up the issue unprompted could have significant consequences for Allie's life.

We're stuck between our duty as her closest friends to be honest and our fear that discussing Matt without her prompting might cross a line. We're concerned about the impact on our friendship with Allie, as she may assume we don't want to spend time with her when, in reality, it's Matt we'd rather avoid.

WIBTA for telling Allie about our concerns regarding Matt, even if she hasn't asked?

EDITED: to break up paragraphs

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ughascreen1 on 2023-09-19 17:10:07.

My (26F) sister (33F) has 2 sons: Bracken (13M) and Neville (11M). My husband (24M) and I went to a basket raffle at our local library this past weekend, with my sister, Bracken, Neville, Bracken’s girlfriend (13F), and my sister’s husband (33M).

This raffle is held every year and has many local businesses and organizations donate baskets to help raise funds for the library. There are all sorts of baskets from free messages to gift cards to sports jerseys and so much more. Bracken got some tickets for all of the sports related ones, he plays baseball and has done this every year, and he’s been pretty successful in the past. Bracken then went around with his gf.

I was hanging out with my husband, sister and rest of the family while looking at the baskets, when Bracken and his gf came back to us. Shortly after this, while still looking at the baskets, we saw some science-y baskets, with projects and books for kids and adults. This type of stuff is what Neville likes, it was going fine until in that section, they had a few baskets that were aimed at girls in science/STEM.

When Neville saw the baskets, he called them stupid and started making some pretty awful comments about how girls are “too dumb” for science and that’s why they needed special baskets. He made some more comments like, “this is why robotics club is all boys”. My husband and I just dismissed it, but we could see a few people giving us looks, and Bracken made a comment telling Neville to shut his mouth.

The raffle happened, Bracken won a lot, the rest of us didn’t. On the car ride home, my hubby and I were asking each other where Neville could have learned that language and we were stumped.

Last night, I got a call from my sister and she seemed stress, she was telling me about how horrible Neville’s first month of middle school was. She was telling me he was being targeted and bullied. I asked her to explain what happened, and she was just crying, I asked if she could give the phone to someone else. She gave it to Bracken, who told us that she wasn’t telling the truth. He said that kids were mocking Neville for what he said at the raffle. Bracken admitted he was telling his friends about it, who then spread it around to the 6th graders. Some of the kids in Neville’s grade were calling him creepy and weird, and were doing it to his friends as well, who defended his comments. My sister quickly grabbed the phone from him after.

After she calmed down, she asked me what to do. I told her that this was on her and her fault for not correcting Neville’s behavior. She said that she didn’t know why he said it, and said that she “can’t just take away his phone or friends” when I mentioned both as a possible source. She just doubled down and said she needed to “teach Bracken and his friends not to gossip”. I told her she was being ridiculous and hung up. She tried calling back, I didn’t pick up, then I got angry texts. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/FewWarning77 on 2023-09-19 16:42:53.

I M(25) had a really important match to attend today’s evening and all my gears like my shoes clothes pads, bat, gloves basically whole kit was in my car. My sister(28) had gone to my elder sister(30) house from last two days. I asked my mother when she is coming back she told me today in the morning but she didn’t come so in the morning when she didn’t arrive, i asked my mom again when she would come she told me by 4 pm. I said ok and then i started doing by office work.

Then i went to the gym and i came back around 6pm thinking that she would be home as i need to leave in an hour or so but when i came back my car still wasn’t here. I lost my temper completely. I called my sister to ask what’s the matter why haven’t you came yet? she told me she is nọt coming, i told her i have an important match and my kit is in the car i need it urgently, she said you manage i am not coming and hang up on me. I then called her severely times but she didn’t pick it up. I then called my elder sister and i asked her to let me talk with her so she gave her the phone and completely shouted at her telling that i would never let you touch my car again and lot of things that I shouldn’t have said at that time and i shouted at my mother too for passing me the false information and keep giving me false hope.

I said lot of words that I shouldn’t be saying and í created a scene at home. Now my sister came to know about this that i am creating a scene at home and shouting so she is now she is coming back, crying! Maybe I spoiled her night too and now i am waiting for her but it’s already too late I won’t be able to make it my match and I’m probably fucked because i will be getting kicked out of the team. I thought of informing my sister that now you coming back will makes no difference, just stay there but she probably won’t listen now. Now i am fully aware that everybody at home going to abandon me for some days.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/bffrfarm on 2023-09-19 16:29:52.

One of my (27F) office mates, “Marie” 25F is struggling romantically. She’s constantly complaining to some of our other office mates about how she can’t find anyone, how she’s destined to be alone, how men expect too much of her, etc. At first I empathized with her because early on I also struggled to find my person, but her daily rants got old fast. I don’t choose to listen, but she’s loud so I hear a lot. From what I hear, Marie HAS been on a few dates, but she has a set of standards for romantic partners:

He has to pay on the first date, but she won’t tell him that. In fact she’ll offer to split the bill but if he doesn’t insist on paying there won’t be a second date. He has to make six figures. (Marie does not make more than $60k a year.) He has to be above 6ft (Marie is 5’2.) He can’t be bald/balding. He has to be fit and dedicated in the gym (Marie is overweight and never works out). He has to own a home and a car. He has to pay for everything and do all the cooking and split other chores evenly. The list goes on but you get the idea.

There’s nothing wrong with having high standards, but I think it’s hypocritical to hold men to standards you don’t meet, and then complain and make it everyone else’s problem. I think that at some point you have three options: either improve yourself to attract the type of people you want, lower your standards, or accept that dating is going to be hard for you and you’re going to most likely wind up alone.

I kept my mouth shut about this because I don’t think it’s my place to give Marie advice, especially when I know she won’t take it, but this past weekend my office mates and I all went out for drinks, and Marie got drunk and started the usual complaints. I stayed silent until she singled me out and told me I was so lucky to have my husband and things must be so easy for me. I was caught off guard because I wasn’t used to being singled out like that. And I’ll admit, I was a bit drunk myself. So I said that things weren’t “easy” for me–that I had high standards too. The difference is, I also hold myself to a higher standard. I workout with my husband every day. My husband makes more money than me, but I reciprocate if he does something nice for me, not because he expects me to but because it’s the right thing to do. I said if Marie wants a relationship she should stop living in a fantasy world and either improve HERSELF or lower her standards.

Marie cried and stormed out of the bar with one of her closer friends. I effectively ended the get-together, as everyone went home. I felt a bit guilty until I got a lot of texts from various co-workers thanking me for “putting Marie in her place” and that they’ve always wanted to say something but didn’t have the balls. However, on Monday morning I was notified that someone had reported me to HR. I didn’t have to read the full email to know who it was. Are my actions justified, or do they warrant being reported?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Stunning_Shelter6671 on 2023-09-19 14:44:15.

My parents divorced when I was a baby and my dad met Janet when I was 5. I met her a year or two later. I lost my mom not long after I met Janet. She and my dad quickly got engaged and married. I have two half siblings from them. I see my maternal family occasionally but we're close. I love my half siblings too. Janet I'm very meh about.

So my mom's family make this specific cake for everyone in the family's birthday. I learned how to make it when mom was still alive and the two of us would make it for my birthday and hers. After she died my grandparents would make it for me and I'd help them make it for others in the family whenever I was with them.

For some reason dad mentioned the cake to Janet a couple of years ago and then they told my half siblings about it. My half siblings wondered if it was the same kind of cakes they got and Janet was like no, it's a special one and we don't know what it is. My half siblings have asked on and off for the cake ever since and have been upset some birthdays when they ask if it's the one and Janet or my dad tell them no.

There has been some pressure on me, mostly from Janet but some from my dad, to make the cake for my half siblings birthdays from here out. I have refused to do so because it's something for my maternal side I feel like and it's not like my half siblings don't get cake. They just don't get the cake I get from my maternal family.

Janet said I either love my siblings or I don't but I can't love them and not include them in something I love so much. She said I am showing my siblings I don't want them to be my siblings really. My dad said it would be such a loving thing to do. And that my siblings would think I hung the moon and stars if I included them in something like that.

I told him and Janet to create their own recipe or to find one and use that as this family tradition.

But they say I should be willing to make this specific cake for my siblings.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Away_Difficulty4428 on 2023-09-19 14:23:48.

This is a throwaway.

I (58F) have a daughter (34F) 'Mel'. I had her out of wedlock, and it was a very difficult time for me as I was sent away by my family to have her (they wanted me to give her up for adoption, but I kept her). The father (Paul) and I were in an on-off relationship. When Mel was born we lived together for a short while, but ended up breaking up in the 1st year of her life. We (Paul and I) went through some very difficult times and some other things happened I'd rather not talk about here. He wasn't a bad guy at all, just very young and uninterested in being a dad/being committed.

We both moved on, but didn't really keep in touch regularly. I met someone (John) and married when Mel was 4, and we had three other children. Mel and John have not had a great relationship (he has his own demons and they clashed often), but he provided financially for her. She gets on well with her step-siblings, in fact they are very close.

Mel rarely asked about her biological father growing up, and I gave very few details when she did as I thought it was best to leave all that in the past. He did contact me a number of times over the years (either directly or through family), asking if they could meet, but I never thought it was a good idea. As far as I was concerned she had a dad (John), and he had an opportunity to be with us back then and turned it down. Mel did get contacted by a family member of his in her teens, and she came to me to ask if I thought she should meet him, but I told her he was probably just looking for money or something (John is wealthy, Paul is not). She told the family member that she didn't want to meet him. A few other things happened in her 20s that I'm not proud of, but long story short they never met.

Now on to the AITA. Last year I was contacted by Paul's sister, telling me Paul is dying, and he didn't have long to live. He wanted to know if Mel would meet him, and I told his sister I would ask her. I thought about it a lot and decided that it's best to let sleeping dogs lie, so I never told Mel about the request. I told his sister she wasn't interested in meeting him. He died 2 weeks later. I went to the funeral to pay my respects and when his family asked about Mel I lied and said she didn't want to come.

Recently, a member of Paul's family found Mel on social media and has told her everything. Mel says she never wants to speak to me again, but from my perspective I was just protecting her from pain. Now our whole family is in chaos.

So, AITA for wanting to keep the past in the past?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/draitzy on 2023-09-19 11:51:49.

My husband and I have a 3 yo and a 1 yo who both go to a daycare up the street. The daycare hosts a book fair and I told my husband when we picked them up today I want to buy them each a book of their choice. He said fine. The boys picked out their books and while we were in line to pay, our 3 yo changed his mind and wanted a different book. He ran into a little friend from his class who was also getting this book and I thought this is great, he wants to get the same book - how cute! I said that’s ok I’ll buy the first choice for myself and so we would have ended up buying 3 books. My husband told my 3 yo he couldn’t buy his second choice, then told me I couldn’t buy it either. I knew this was going to be a meltdown and I didn’t want to argue in front of the cashier - embarrassing as it was. I said ok and paid and the cashier is looking at me like wtf is this guys problem??? My 3 yo burst into tears and husband picked him up and carried him out. I was pissed. I wanted to have a good happy experience buying books and instead the memory is traumatic. For me too. My husband apologized but he does this shit all the time.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ok_Chip5166 on 2023-09-19 08:46:19.

I F(28) and my BF(M27) have been living together for the last 3 years. For the first year we were just roommates and then we started dating each other. Since we started as roomates we never changed the chores and financal distribution everything is equal.

6 months ago he quit his job as he has investments with returns that cover all of his expenses and more. At first I didn't think anything of it he just called it an early retirement. He is always home playing video games or doing something around the house or going out. Now he does do his portion of the chores but considering he has so much time now, I asked if he can maybe take over a few of my chores. I asked this because lately I am overwhelmed with work and then come home and cook for myself and do some chores.

But he refused and said "we have everything split equally now if I couldn't handle my share of the bill I would have definitely compensated that by handling majority if not all the chores. But considering I do contribute equally I don't want to take on more work." I tried to argue but to it had no effect. I was really upset and he could feel it because he did come to me and tried to make up but refused to contribute more and is now upset that I am expecting something that he just doesn't want to or even have to do. And that I am being a dick by pushing the subject.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Adept_Ad_4256 on 2023-09-19 14:57:00.

My son got married a few years ago, he lives on the other side of the country then us. He got a great job opportunity after college so he moved down. Two years ago he got married to Jenny and what I heard it was a beautiful wedding. So the whole issue started when we were trying to get there. The wedding was on Saturday and our plane left Thursday night. Well it got delayed and then delayed about four more times ( Friday morning at this point) and then all the plane got canceled due to a storm.

When that happened it was clear we were not leaving and driving there would take too long and we would still miss the ceremony. So we informed him and he was pissed. We sent our well wishes and we could FaceTime in if he wanted. He told us no and we saw a video of his getting married.

Now the present day issue any times we get an argument or he wants us to do something he pulls up we missed his wedding card. We were taking over the phone we were talking about hosting thanksgiving this year. He got mad saying why won’t you visit us and I told him we don’t have the money for the trip and we just saw him in July. We got in a argument and he pulled the you missed our wedding it’s the least you can do. I told him enough and that he needs to get over it. He called me a jerk. My daughter learned about it as she is on our side but I don’t know.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway292375 on 2023-09-19 14:22:33.

I (M17) have been dating my girlfriend (F18) for 5 months. I prefer to dress more feminine. To an extent at least, I don't really wear skirts or dresses often.

I didn't think my gf had a problem with it especially because when I met her I was dressed pretty fem and I had light makeup on. A few weeks ago she asked me if I could dress more masc instead and I did for like a week. I just prefer dressing fem way more because it's fun and I don't understand why it's such a big deal.

When i told her I'd prefer to just stick to my style she got really annoyed and screamed at me that I didn't love her and I wasn't being considerate of her feelings.

She hasn't spoken to me since and she won't answer my calls and texts. Am I the asshole here? I really like her and I didn't mean to uspet her I honestly didn't think it would matter to her so much.

edit: thank you for all your comments seriously helped me out a lot

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Some-Reflection-5243 on 2023-09-19 12:04:15.

Sorry if there's any mistakes my wording or writing, English isn't my first language and I'll be grateful if you can correct me.

For some context, I (25f) came with my family to the U.S 7 years ago we came in the legal way since my dad was an U.S citizen, I went to highschool for a while and the started working and saving money, my sister (29) was an party animal, she used to party every weekend and never saved money fast forward to 5 months ago she met a boy (28) which I'll call Juan, Juan came to U.S one year ago and she met him at work became friends and later started dating, Juan is an illegal immigrant, I don't have any problems with that at all, I can't say that we're friends but I don't dislike him either, going back to the story, a month ago my sister invited us (mom and little sister) to have lunch with her and her husband, I was happy to go since it was a long time without seeing her, everything was going well until she grabbed my hand and squeezed it looking at my dead straight in the eyes and asked me if I could borrow her 5k in order to pay for her husband lawyer, I told her that I couldn't do that because that money was for my trip to Japan, (a country ive always wanted to visit) she then told me that the trip could wait a few years more and that her husband needed the money more than me because apparently he was in danger of being deported, the whole time her husband was just watching me and freaking smirking waiting for me to give them the money, my mom ans sisyer just stayed silent because they couldn't believe what they just heard, she tried to talk me into giving them the money, and then she tried to guilt tripped me by saying that is her husband gets deported is gonna be my fault, I told her that I didn't care that it was my money, oh boy, big mistake, she absolutely lost it and started to yell at me saying that I was a disgusting spolied little brat and that the trip wasn't even as important as helping someone in need, I once again told her that i didn't care and that maybe if shw had better spending habits she would have the money to help her husband, she and her husband left the restaurant after that, crying after that she texted me and told me that she was expecting me to apologize to her husband for being a self centered little bitch that only cares about herself, she's been pretty much harassing me saying how selfish and disgusting I am and lately I've thinking that she may be right, and that I should just lend them the money, so reddit, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Capital-Algae-6806 on 2023-09-19 13:08:56.

I (15m) have two siblings, my older brother and sister (both 18). They have a good relationship. I have a really good relationship with both of my siblings as well.

My sister is kind of an overachiever, like she’s an all rounder, wins awards for all subjects and has crazy high grades. My brother on the other hand is an average student, and doesn’t really take anything seriously. He just goofs off during class and at home but he’s really passionate about theater and dedicates hours upon hours on it. My parents don’t approve of my brother’s love for theater and they’re constantly telling him to pick up another passion.

My sister recently participated in a robotics competition. She was working for it like crazy in the past months to prepare for it and was extremely nervous. My brother coincidentally also had a performance during that time and I know he’d been practicing like hell because he came home late almost everyday in the months leading up to it as well.

The date for my sisters competition was announced after my brothers performance date was confirmed. My brother got into a major fight with my parents because they said they would be going to my sisters competition to support her instead of my brothers performance.

A few days ago was the day of the performance and the competition. I was supposed to go to the venue myself to meet my parents who would be there earlier for the competition. But I felt really bad about skipping my brothers performance because nobody would be going. So instead of going to the competition I told my parents I would go watch his performance instead.

My brother was obviously disappointed that no one else showed up but was happy to see me I think. Both the competition and the performance went well but my brother was giving my parents the silent treatment during dinner. After everyone went to bed my parents say they wanted to talk to me.

They said that my sister was really sad that I didn’t show up to her competition because I knew how important it was to her. That made her more upset during the competition and maybe caused her to do slightly worse than she could have. They told me to prioritize better because while my sisters competition was so important that it could decide what college she went to, my brothers was just a performance for school.

Myy sister became more snippy with me and she suddenly had an outburst about it and got into a huge fight with my brother (I don’t really know what they shouted about though). Now everyone’s relationship is strained and my parents told me that it’s probably my fault for creating all of this drama, and I shouldve went for the competition like they wanted to. I still think what I did was right but I think I need an outsiders point of view. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Confident_Toe7527 on 2023-09-19 09:19:20.

English isn’t my first language, so there might be some spelling mistakes.

So I (16 M) am really close to my cousin (18 F), for the sake of the story I’ll call her Charlotte, we don’t look the same at all so most people don’t expect us to be family. There is this one girl in my school (16 F), I’ll call her Kayla, she has this competing kind of drive that everyone in my school crazy. But lets get on with the story.

Kayla always had a crush on me, she has been very open about it and even called me “babe” in front of other friends/strangers. I of course always get mad at her, and she would cry and go to her mommy and daddy (yes she still calls her parents mommy and daddy). But she doesn’t know that I am very gay. Me and my cousin Charlotte do everything together, it is a running joke in the family that we’re almost siblings.

When Kayla saw me and Charlotte walking together to the movies, she went nuts; like literal nuts, she was almost white of rage, fire coming out of her mouth as she said that somehow I was cheating on her and that I need to go with her so she could discipline me for cheating? I said no and Charlotte did to.

In school she wasn’t talking to me or anyone for days, we all celebrated with pizza. No one in the school likes her, when someone has something, she would buy it and take three of them to school, or when I had an operation to get my appendix removed, she said that she did that three times; we all burst out laughing and didn’t stop until the bell ran. She ran (like always) to her parents.

This is the part where I would be the asshole: When me Charlotte were bowling she came to me and said that she was much better than that whore over there and she knows her parents and knows that she is already taken (which it true, she has a boyfriend who is basically adopted by the whole family), it was then when the bucket overflowed and it all came down. I went off about how she has been constant harassing me since she moved here, and that this girl she was so called competing with was my cousin and that I am gay, and came out for almost 1 year. Everyone in my town knows that I am gay and respect it.

She said I was an jerk for going off, but my cousin said that she was glad that I blew up. I have been getting phone calls all day saying that I can be turned straight and more.

I kinda feel bad for her but also I’m happy that I finally told her off.

So am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Unicorn_Support7678 on 2023-09-19 12:37:55.

I (35f) have a friend with a daughter M (16f), who mentioned a while back that her daughter wanted to go to Australia. My friend and her husband cannot manage the cost of that trip on their own and talked to me about getting M's grandparents to pay for some of the cost. Nothing ever became of it.

Fast forward a year later and my best friend's fiance who works with a tour company is planning a trip to Australia, New Zealand and Fiji. (Sidenote: This is not the friend with the daughter.) It is a once in a lifetime trip that I cannot pass up on. So. I'm going. I'll be booking my trip by the end of the week. It's costing me about 10k just for myself. But, I can feasibly afford it.

I mentioned this to my friend and the first words out of her mouth was, "If I help you pay for your trip, can you take M?" My answer was no. I have several reasons for saying that. 1. This is my vacation that I'm doing to get away from worrying about everyone else. 2. I don’t want to be responsible for someone else's child. 3. My friend's daughter has no sense of manners at times and often acts younger than her age. For example, she will baby talk in every day conversation and other times will butt into other people's conversations in a very condescending manner. I just don't want to deal with all of that during my vacation.

However, I get the feeling that my saying no, didn't go over well, as there was an immediate topic change by my friend who went to talking about all the great things M is doing right now at school.

Am I the ass for saying no?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Complete_Jicama_9896 on 2023-09-19 10:51:51.

My sister Norah (40f) married Aidan (42m) five years ago. Aidan was a widower with two kids when they met. His daughter is now 14 and his son is now 13. Norah and Aiden had their daughter five months ago.

Aidan and his late wife were childhood sweethearts and their families were very close friends. This did not change after his late wife's death. They often get together and celebrate holidays or just to spend time together. Norah was made aware of this when she started dating Aidan. She was also told that would never change. Aidan said the families have became almost like one big family over the years and they would never exclude the others.

Norah confided in me when she married Aidan that it was awkward seeing photos of his late wife at different ILs houses. Aidan's parents have a couple from when Aidan and his late wife were kids and some from when they were married and had the kids. Aidan's sister has childhood photos and adult photos of her and her late SIL, because they were best friends as kids. Norah said it felt like a message they were sending to her. I said they clearly loved Aidan's late wife and it was likely nothing to do with her. But some people keep photos of late loved ones up and some others will take them down. I suggested to her then that she should speak to a therapist because they were unlikely to remove traces of Aidan's late wife from their homes and lives and she might need some professional help learning to accept that.

She mentioned a few times over the five year marriage that she felt like Aidan's ILs (late wife's parents) did not embrace her as much as Aidan's family did and how much it bothered her. She brought up a lot that the kids always referred to her as step and shot her down hard when she suggested they could call her mom.

It was after Norah's daughter was born that she left me shocked. She and Aidan decorated the baby's room very late (last month actually) and I had wondered why because she was looking at all the inspo boards while pregnant. It was two weeks ago when she came over and started complaining that Aidan's ILs had gifted the nursery decorations for their grandchildren and she had held out waiting for them to do the same with her daughter's. She then complained that they were not treating her daughter like their grandchild and how they shouldn't all be one big happy family if that does not include her and her daughter fully. She said if they want to stick around they should treat her daughter the very same as they did/do their grandchildren. She said it must be their lack of treating her the same that has her stepkids saying she's a half sister and not just saying she's a sister.

It was after this I suggested my sister needed therapy because her expectations were so unrealistic that she had left me stunned. My sister said I should be on her side and telling her she needs therapy is saying she's wrong. AITA?