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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Glass-Individual-385 on 2023-10-04 20:49:12.

Obligatory throw away account disclaimer.

I (33F) have an older brother "Danny" (37M), and we aren't exactly close but not distanced with one another either. The four year age gap made me the bratty little sister growing up, but now as adults and both married life just gets in the way.

We meet up with our parents along with significant others once or twice a month for dinner as we all live within about half hour of one another. My husband and I have 3 three year old triplets and depending where we go we some times get a sitter for a much needed adult night away. This past weekend we met up on Saturday night with the family for dinner at a fancy steakhouse. Husband and I opted to leave the kids home.

My brother was arrested a few months ago for DWI and took a plea. He is currently on probation with part of his requirements is to use an at home breathalyzer at scheduled times dictated by the probation office. I honestly don't know how many times per day this occurs but one of them is apparently 8pm every evening. We were in the middle of dinner when my brother abruptly interrupted my husband saying he had to leave in 15 minutes in order to meet this requirement.

I didn't respond and went back to my dinner. I didn't know he wanted a response but apparently that was the wrong decision. Danny looked at me and said "Did you hear me?" I said yes and that I was sorry but wasn't aware that it needed a response. He sighed audibly and told me I was selfish for not being more compassionate about "the plate of shit life handed." I got a little irritated but in order to keep the peace as we were having a nice dinner I just said ok we'll see you next time.

After Danny and my SIL left, he texted me several times, my husband, parents and I stayed behind to finish our food, calling me an asshole. He was apparently livid the rest of the family didn't leave when he and my SIL left. One of his texts said I wasn't showing empathy for his situation. I got mad and responded that he is living with the consequences of his poor decision making and I wasn't going to have my night ruined because he has a curfew to abide by now.

My husband and I both work full time and don't get many kid free nights and it's refreshing to do so. Since Saturday, my brother and SIL both have sent multiple texts about me being an AH over this. I really don't feel like I was but my mom asked me to apologize to keep the peace with the holidays coming up. So fine people of Reddit, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No-Philosopher6192 on 2023-10-04 19:31:26.

Okay, so this might sound stupid, but I just need to hear that I'm not the crazy one. My gf (22) does a cosplay content online, and so she has a linktree. I want to say here that I have no problem with her content. She doesn't do nudes, she's not on OnlyFans, it helps pay the bills, etc. It's also important to note that my girlfriend is originally from India, and English is her second language.

Alright, context out of the way, here is my issue: My gf likes to have fun with her links on linktree. The Patreon link might say "Wanna buy me something?" or "Help Support Me!", or something like that. Recently, she made a button that she's rather proud of that leads to her Twitter.

The button says: "Wanna C my X?"

Not joking, that's what it says. She thinks it's a clever play-on-words because Twitter has changed to X. I told her to change it because it sounds explicitly pornographic. We got in a fight over it. She thinks I'm controlling her, limiting her expression, and so forth.

I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but she does online content. This is going to bring the worst creeps from the deepest sewers of the Internet to her page and into our lives. Problem is, she's got friends (for whom English is also 2nd or 3rd language) backing her up, and they're making me out to a crazy control-freak.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/BreadfruitOne9147 on 2023-10-04 16:57:16.

I'm 20f and my sister "Abby" is 18f. I'm living away from home at the moment at university, and my sister recently got accepted onto her dream course at the same university as me. Currently she lives on campus in a house designed for first years, while I'm in a small flatshare.

Abby seems to be loving the independent life and I'm happy to see her going to bars with friends and enjoying life as an adult so much. But recently a guy "John" came into her life, and she initially promised me not to tell our parents she had a bf already. Not knowing much and assuming he was a normal teenager I promised. However a couple of nights ago she came over and told me all about him.

John isn't a member of the uni - she and her friends met him in a nearby bar one night and they kept in touch. John is 28, which she hadnt mentioned when she had first told me about meeting him, which makes me incredibly uneasy. Apparently he's a heavy drinker and he smokes, all of which Abby is certainly not experienced in.

I wanted to meet him, because I was really worried about the age gap and what he could want with such an inexperienced person, not that I couldn't guess. She said John didn't want to meet me or indeed our mum and dad, because he's "nervous". I saw a photo of him and he looks so much older than 28, which makes me wonder if that's actually a possibility. But I have no proof of that.

Basically I really started regretting my promise, but then this was before all the information came out about him.

Ive started noticing she doesn't want to hang out with me anymore because she "prefers to be with John" and "we had our whole childhoods to hang out and now it was time to meet new people". Those sounded super manipulative and fed to her by him, and it set off all sorts of red flags in my brain.

That was the final, final straw for me. As soon as she'd left I rang my mum and told her about John. She was horrified and actually came up to our university the next day, where a huge fight took place. John was in her dorm with her and apparently took off in a hurry.

Our parents are talking to the uni and my dad (who only wishes he couldve been there when John was) is thinking of involving law enforcement.

Meanwhile, Abby blames me for betraying her trust, and she says I ruined everything. I don't ķnow how to feel about all this.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Wise-Buddy-6567 on 2023-10-04 19:13:14.

I'm (26m) married to my wife (26f) and we're expecting our first baby. I'm estranged from my paternal side of the family after my father's affair on my dying mom and their willingness to try and defend his actions. While mom was sick he left me to do more caring for her while he was screwing someone else. He even brought said other woman to my mom's funeral. His family also tried to get my mom to "forgive before it's too late" while she was still alive. It was a nightmare. I was 15 and it was a lot. Mom needed to be cared for and I was the only one who could when my aunt had to work. After mom died I moved in with my aunt.

My father married the other woman and invited me to the wedding but I didn't go or even acknowledge the invite. I had nothing to do with any of them. I heard he died last year and it was no concern to me. Also found out he had two kids. His other woman/second wife died four months ago. My paternal grandparents took the kids in but they do not feel like they can raise two kids under five or six or whatever age they are.

They mentioned me to a social worker who approached me and asked if my wife and I would be willing to raise these kids. We said no. The social worker made a note of it and said they would not approach me again.

My grandparents have not given up and contacted me and my wife both over this. They tried to use guilt trips and sob stories about foster care being horrific for kids and one is a little girl so it's even worse. None of this changed anything for me and then they tried getting my aunt to talk to me. They showed up at her house with the kids and appealed to her as a former foster kid (she and my mom both were). She told them to get the fuck out.

I ended up talking to them over the phone instead of ignoring their messages to me. We talked. They told me after they went to my aunt's house they had spoken to the social worker again and now the kids are in care. They asked me how I could be okay with "my siblings" being in care. I said I don't care that their grandkids are in foster care. They are nothing to me and the fact is I am not going to pretend I care about saving them. I said they need to accept the kids are now in care and a social worker will work on finding them a good family but they need to accept I will not be that. They called me a monster and said I should be ashamed of myself and they hope the birth of my child brings me nothing but guilt.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Kwala2719 on 2023-10-04 18:14:29.

Hi, I (F-27) have a mother (F-48) and I’ve grown up with a lot of trauma in my early years. Mainly based off my father but some I’ve recently learnt/remembered from my mother. While I love her for sticking around and bringing me up I’ve started to feel that I’ve been taken advantage of. My mother and her 2nd Husband (M-48) met when I was maybe 11 years old? Not long after they were married. They always struggled to conceive and wanted to start their own version of a family. When I turnt 21y they finally had a baby girl, we’ll call her “baby A”. When I turnt 24y they had another, baby boy, we’ll call him “baby B” . I often have been asked to baby sit them in exchange of some money to buy them some food, or something that I wanted so that all parties benefited. However recently, my mother has taken up an interest in golf. She is out doing golf sometimes 5 days per week and each time I am expected to look after the children. (I do not work currently due to mental health conditions). It has even started to upset her husband massively. She’s never home for him either and they now do not spend time with each other and I see that this is effecting his mental health. Myself and my partner have now been married for 3.5 years and me being out of the house constantly for my siblings is starting to put a strain on our relationship also. She has just asked me if I could have the children for a week in a few months time as some of her golfing friends have invited her on a vacation. While I said to her, “it is fine I’ll have to speak with my husband but could I maybe ask for a contribution to my food shopping?” She explained to me that she doesn’t have the money for that and she couldn’t help me. She then proceeded to ask if I could also have them for 3 days in February of next year. Finally I snapped, I told her that she needed to make other arrangements for the children and that I just couldn’t cope with it anymore, I said that I truly fear that she is going through a midlife crisis and doesn’t care about how her actions effect her children, her husband or anyone else for that matter. I told her she needs to start looking after her own children that she’s chosen to have later in her life rather then pass them onto me at every opportunity. I missed out on some of my prime years and lost many friends due to having the commitments of looking after her children, and I’ve had enough. I want to be able to be free until I have my own children and able to travel with my husband and live my life before I choose to introduce children into our world. I feel for my siblings and I love them so much but I reached breaking point. Now she won’t speak to me, or let me see them and says I’ve hurt her too much. AITA

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/OkLiving9943 on 2023-10-04 18:40:45.

I teach painting. Recently I found out that my niece has an amazing talent in painting and she also loves it so I suggested I could teach her. She said that she would love that but their parents ask them to pay for anything "unnecessary" from their own pocket money and she can't afford it. I told her that she doesn't have to pay and she agreed to let me teach her.

A few days ago my brother's stepdaughter contacted me and asked if I will teach her how to paint as well. I asked her to send me some of her paintings and ..... well.... let's say she is worse than a little kid. The paintings were just bad but whatever, I teach anyone with any level.

So I told her the price and she said she can't afford it and I told her to ask her parents to pay. A few minutes later sil called angry about why her child has to pay while I teach my niece for free. I told her that my niece is an amazing artist and it would be such a waste of talent if no one helped her so I'm using my free time to teach her but her daughter simply doesn't have talent so I'm not gonna waste my time with her. She called me a jerk and hung up the phone

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/poetrycode on 2023-10-04 17:41:20.

It's been a tough 2023. For context: I recently moved to a new country to be with my wife and celebrated my first-ever birthday away from friends and family. My wife travels a lot for work, I still don't have a job here and I don't speak the local language fluently so that makes things harder.

It was my birthday last week and my parents were insistent about gifting me something nice. I'm normally not huge on celebrating my birthday but told them I could use a new pair of Airpods after they asked me a couple of times. Because they're in a different country and not super tech savvy, they just transferred the money to my bank so that I could buy them. Around the same time, my wife was going to the US for a work trip. I asked her if I could order the Airpods from Amazon to her US address because they were significantly cheaper there and she agreed. A couple of days later, we were on a video call (she is in the US by now) and I noticed that she was wearing Airpods during our call. Now, she used to have her own pair of Airpods (which she lost somewhere) but it has been a while since she used them. I asked her if this was my birthday gift to which she nonchalantly said yes. Now, I normally wouldn't mind had it been a t-shirt or some other thing but she knows how much I love technology and love unboxing and tinkering with gadgets. As stupid as it may sound for a full-grown adult, this is also my first pair of AirPods and it is one of the few things I had been really hyped up about. So I kind of flipped out in the moment and she said that she only opened them to test them, just in case there was an issue and they needed to be returned. I asked her why did she not ask me or at the very least unbox it with me on a video call and she just said that it didn't occur to her. She's still on her work trip (will return home after two weeks) but she's been using my Airpods on and off for the last 10 days despite the whole conversation. I know that I'll get them as soon as she's back. She also apologized last week and said that she would make up to me but I can't help but feel irritated. It just doesn't feel like a birthday gift anymore and I'm just not excited anymore. I was even considering asking her to keep this pair because she doesn't have one and buy me a 'new' one instead.

Am I being an asshole or overreacting in this situation?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Proper_Read_6486 on 2023-10-04 18:20:10.

My friend is getting married next year but she has done the most horrible things behind her fiance's back.

My friend (sara,26) is engaged to an old friend of mine from highschool (Jason,26).

In 2022, Sara cheated on Jason with his co-worker, from a job he got her. I've told her and many of our close friends told her it's wrong and not fair to Jason (note: he's been cheated on before). She claims she felt bad and regrets it. As her new year resolution, she told him she had an "emotional" affair and the only physical thing was a kiss. She left out the part where she had sex with him, multiple times. But Jason forgave her and wanted to start over. In february, she messages a guy (eric,29) on instagram who she knew had feelings for her. She went on a date and said he was weird and not her type. Eric works a professional job and is more “stable”, and he lives in a different state 10 hours away. She starts talking to Eric more often and eventually he flies her out to go see him. She told our close friend group about how she wants to leave Jason for Eric. We tell her that's fine but she needs to be honest with Jason.

Jason proposes to her in March and she accepts and starts the wedding planning process. He works in construction outside of the city and comes home every 20 days for a week. After the proposal he says he wants to be celibate until the wedding day to have God's blessing. She took that as an opportunity to have unprotected sex with Eric whenever she wanted. She visits him 3-4 times a month, because Jason is out for work. When I asked if she's even using protection or getting tested, she said “ no only whores get tested” and that she's against birth control. Slowly our friend group starts to exclude her. We can't support someone who is reckless, selfish and has no regard for “the love of her life”. Then a few months ago she comes to a dinner party and tells us she's pregnant, with Eric. She laughs it off and we tell her she needs to come clean now and this has gone on for too long. She says now isn't the time because Jason planned a trip to Mexico and she really wanted to go. Also, Jason pays for her car and phone bills and she isn't equipped to let that stuff go. She ended up getting an abortion but continues to make light of the issue. Eric finally broke things off because he felt like she would treat him the same way and he couldn't look at her anymore. She was upset but said “it's whatever now, i have a wedding to plan”.

I want Jason to know what has been happening. I don't want to be involved but he does not deserve to be in a marriage with someone who treats him so poorly. I have known him longer than her, and he's a good guy. Would I be an asshole if I told him what she's doing.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Asleep_Meal_137 on 2023-10-04 16:46:38.

I bought my(27) husband (27) two tickets to see his favourite band for his birthday last year, their concert is now sold out. Everytime I see my brother-in-law he talks about the band, how amazing they are, how important it was to him and his brother growing up and how important it is too see them live together. I'm not overly interested in the band and told him he can have my ticket for £80 which is the face value of a single ticket. This wasn't the answer he wanted and he lost the plot screaming and shouting about how the tickets are already paid for and he shouldn't have to pay because I don't like the band and I'm just coming in between him and his brother. He is right that I'm not particularly interested in the band however I'm not paying £160 + fees not to go to the concert, I love live music even if I'm not a fan of the band and a date night is a date night plus I love seeing my husband watching something he really loves. So AITA for not just giving my brother-in-law the ticket for free because they're already paid for?

Update: My husband isn't aware of his brothers tantrum but he knows I said he could have the ticket for face value

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Aggravating-Suit-296 on 2023-10-04 16:48:12.

My brother got married 10 years ago to "Carly" and they asked to use my beachfront property as the venue. I said sure but you have to pay me. It's not like I can let someone use it for free and I don't have costs such as utilities. I'm not rich like that.

They were insulted so I told them to ask Carly's rich daddy to pay. That set in motion a longstanding grudge between Carly and me. My brother got over it after he understood where I was coming from. They ended up doing quite well. I guess she felt insulted and entitled and I refused to apologize.

They have a 7yo son "Addison" who I'm very close to. I'm like a second dad to that kid. My brother has been battling cancer for a few years and his health is declining. He made it clear that he wants me to play an active role in Addison's life and be the dad he won't be able to be.

The only person making that hard is Carly. I finally told her that my brother's impending death is bigger than your grudge against me and you need to drop it because your only child is going to need me more than ever.

She said not to talk to her that way. I said I'm not my brother and I'm not your dad. I don't think you're a princess. Grow up. If I were you, then I'd learn from this and do what's best for that boy.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Fr3dD1e_F0rreSt on 2023-10-04 15:08:11.

For context I (27m) live with my girlfriend (28f) in an apartment with 2 bedrooms, we share one and the other is for guests, we both have stable jobs and are just about getting by.

I don’t have a very good relationship with my family its personal so i wont get into details but me and my sister who is 21 aren’t that close but still look out for each other. One day I come back from work and she’s sitting on my sofa talking to my girlfriend. To summarise her drug dealer abusive ex boyfriend got her pregnant and then bailed on her, she tried to deal with it by herself for a few months but money became an issue for her. she went to stay with our parents for a bit but said they were trying go convince her to abort it so she left, i’m all she has left.

Of course i let her live with us, me and my gf helped her out and she volunteered to do the housework while we were both at work. It was great finally having a sister again, but after a month I noticed that she had not been doing most of the housework which i initially ignored as she is pregnant but then i rarely started seeing her around the apartment. She seemed to be always in her room or out with friends, one day when she was out with her friends I went to go look in her room to maybe find out why she was never in, my gf disagreed but something wasn’t right to me. To my horror i discovered she had been using this room to take drugs in, on the desk was remnants of white powder and empty small bags (i had never been in her room before because she asked me and my gf not to because she wanted privacy). My gf came in and was as shocked as I was, she said we cant have her living here to do that as she was also harming her unborn child in the process.

When she got back at 1am, we confronted her to which she started breaking down and asking to stay. I told her she cant be doing this as it’s dangerous for her child and that she’s blowing money that she doesn’t have. I told her to pack her things and that i want her gone in the morning. I went to bed feeling guilty and wondering if it was the right thing to do, my gf kept saying it was. When we woke up she was gone and i think she blocked my number. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Old-Temporary7682 on 2023-10-04 16:00:27.

Sorry if anything sounds weird, English is not my first language and I’m not good at writing in my native language. My Brother and his wife is temporarily living with us because his house caught on fire because his wife microwaved silverware. I didn’t mind them staying over as long as the follow my limited rules (I only asked them to clean up after themselves and respect how I parent my kids. I mostly included the second rule for my SIL.) Yesterday, my son stayed home from school because he was sick. Everyone but my SIL were at work/school because she doesn’t have a job. My SIL always criticized my son because of how his long hair makes him look like a girl. She decided to cut his hair while he was sleeping and he was devastated. When I got home he told me what happened then I told her she had a week to leave before I called the police. She told my that wasn’t fair since she did him a favor. She said people would make fun of him for having long hair even though it never happened in the 3 years he’s been in high school. I told my brother he could stay if he wanted to because he had nothing to do with it. Everyone but my mother and SIL agrees with me but they are calling me an asshole because I unfairly kicked out my SIL. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Existing_Aioli_6232 on 2023-10-04 13:15:52.

Hello Reddit! Me F(28) and my husband M(28) just had our first baby girl 8 months now. In our country it is tradition to name the babies from our parents to honor them. If it is a boy we usually give the baby name from the husband's side of the family (husbands farther) if it is a girl from the wife's family (wife's mother). Many families give the baby name from the husband's side of the family in both cases. My side of the family has the first tradition but my husband's the latter.

From the beginning of my pregnancy I clarified that I don't want to name our baby from either my mother or my mother in law and my husband agreed. We have a good relationship with both of them but we didn't want to choose between one of their names, in case someone got upset and I also find their names very ordinary. After we had our daughter my husband and I changed our mind and we wanted to name our daughter from our mothers. We had huge fights for the past 7 months and we decided to write the names in two papers, we chose one and the name that came up was my mother's. My husband at first felt a little sad but then as we called her by her name he got into it. After 7 months we were in piece with this matter.

Then the following day comes.. My husband visited his family and announced the name. My mother in law didn't have any problem with that she just wants her grand baby to be happy and healthy (she is sweet and kind ). But my father in law said that if we don't call our baby by his wife's name he is not coming to our wedding neither the baptism of the baby. (He is generally very selfish and manipulative). When my husband returned home and we talked about it I decided I didn't want my husband and his father to have this fight so I suggested to call her with both of their names (my mother in laws and my mother's name combine well) and we felt happy again with the name choice.

The following day comes he told them and again he said the same thing adding that he doesn't want to see us anymore. Now I am really mad I don't think he is even entitled to have an opinion for our baby name. I don't know what to do my husband is very sad he doesn't want to fight with his father but I don't want to change the name. He also doesn't want to change the name (because it is not fair to me) but he is afraid that he might not talk to him again. I am mad because I have backed down so much and he is not. After their last conversation I said that I am not visiting again until he apologizes and he is not seeing our baby anymore. I am of cource open to the rest of the family visiting us. AITAH for not agreeing to change our baby's name?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/WearyBoysenberry262 on 2023-10-04 07:19:22.

Okay, first of all, sorry for any mistakes, english is a second language and I'm still processing what just happened.

So, I've been dating my girlfriend for a bit more than a year. She's the perfect girl for me, she's hot, caring and smart, and we both love each other very much.

I've been thinking about proposing for a while, my girlfriend is almost done with school and I have a good job with a lot of savings.

Since we're visiting her hometown for the week, thought this week would be a good moment to ask her father for his blessing.

I've only met with her family a couple of times, since they live in another city, but they never seemed to have a problem with me. Her father is pretty easy going, so while we don't have much in common, I wasn't really scared of his reaction, only a bit nervous.

This afternoon, while my gf was out with old friends, I sat down with him and asked him if I'd have his blessing to marry his daughter. He looked really awkward and confused, and asked me a couple of times if I was being serious. I explained that I was, that I loved his daughter very much and would make sure she never needs anything. He said something along the lines of ''woa, I don't know what to say, I was not expecting that''. We were silent for a bit and he left the room.

I was disapointed to say the least, but still had hopes to covince him.

My girlfriend came back soon after, and recieved a phone call from her mother, who told her I asked gf's dad for his blessing.

My girlfriend was really angry at me for asking her dad instead of her and that doing so is sexist(which is stupid because the point was to ask her dad to propose, not to marry her by force), saying she was absolutely not ready for marriage, wasn't even considering it because she thought it was way too early in our relationship (after more than a year?). She said she felt humiliated in front of her parents and now she left to sleep at her mother's tonight, leaving me alone with her father whose been avoiding me since our conversation.

I don't understand what happened. I'm really hurt by her reaction and the way she viewed the possibility of marrying me as completely absurd. I'm really angry and confused at her parents for telling her about my plans instead of letting me propose how I intended.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MrPresidentJack2024 on 2023-10-04 15:06:55.

I (43M) am threatening my wife (41F) over the actions of her mother. My wife and I have been married for 7 years now and dating for three years before that. Her mother and I have never seen eye to eye on many different issues, however I have always been able to ignore these differences as I love my wife and only see my mother-in-law a couple of times a year, as me and my wife have moved across the country for work related reasons.

My mother-in-law never had any respect for anyone else's privacy, constantly thinks she is in the right when she is not and expects everyone to bend over backwards for her. She never approved of me marrying her daughter even though I have always done my best for the both of them. My mother-in-law has always been a kleptomaniac and thinks she can get away with stealing more as she is getting older and thinks people will take pity on her. She admitted this to my wife’s aunt who then went on to tell my wife.

This has always troubled me and I have never been fully comfortable with the thought of her coming to my and my wife’s house as she has been expressing an interest in a ring that was left for me by my mother, who unfortunately passed away 7 years ago. The passing was very difficult for me and looking at the ring reminds me of all of the memories me and my mother made together. My mother has asked me to give the ring to her multiple times over the years, and I have even caught her twice trying to steal it. I made my wife aware of this and she claimed that ‘it is just a ring’. I have attempted to communicate to my wife that this ring is very important to me and that it is not to be given away, she always gave a minimal response to this.

I was away for the week that my mother-in-law came over for work related reasons and to my horror my wife had given her the ring that I loved so much, my wife claimed that her mother had been showing symptoms of Alzheimer's and that she wanted to make her happy, so she gave her my ring.

I later learned that my mother-in-law had sold the ring and doesn’t know the current location of it. I was very angry, and still am, at both of them. I have threatened my wife with divorce if I cannot get my ring back, which looks unlikely. I trusted my wife to keep this ring safe however she dismissed it as if it was nothing. Maybe she isn’t the woman I thought she was.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Hot-Examination-9255 on 2023-10-04 11:09:18.

So I'm a 32 year old woman, and my mom lives with me since COVID cause her rental was sold. She's had a boyfriend for the past 12 years and he regularly comes to my house to spend time with her on his days off, because he himself lives with his parents (by choice, cultural thing I'm assuming).

As for me, I'm a pretty specific person. I'm lactose intolerant and a pescatarian and I also have psychiatric disorders. I've got ADHD and borderline and one of these conditions makes me feel very controlling of my surroundings. I like my food a certain way, I butter my toast a certain way and I have hyperfixation food in the house. It doesn't go over to other people's businesses. It's literally just my own. I won't even drink a beer that's not mine without asking for permission, because my mum may be counting on it for something.

Now... I've spoken to my mom about this several times but she just keeps ignoring me and it's starting to escalate into massive fights everyday.

My mom's boyfriend smokes w33d regularly and when he gets the munchies he absolutely destroys my fridge and pantry - indiscriminately. He goes through what my mom bought for them and he goes through MY things as well without even asking.

When I get home from work, I'm expecting to have the food that I PURCHASED for MYSELF and for MY MEALS. And it's gone. And my mother's reply is just: I didn't teach you to be greedy and not share with others.

JFC, I don't mind sharing occasionally but if I'm the only one spending money on my specific requirements (like lactose free butter and milk) it's not fair that I get home and my food is gone. In my mother's opinion we don't need 2 of everything, so if my stuff is there, she's not gonna buy duplicates just cause I'm "picky".

This is causing a huge rift between me and my mom and moving out isn't an option because it's both our incomes that keep us going. Am I the asshole for not wanting to share what I work hard to buy?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Shot-Restaurant-6404 on 2023-10-04 13:48:46.

So background I dated Max in highschool for around a year. My family life was awful and his parents really helped me in that time. After the breakup they didn’t cut me off even though I know it caused some issues with Max. When I was kicked out at 17, they took me in. Long story short I see them as my parents and they see me as their kid.

I am close to their daughters and have been going to family events for a few years now. Max is getting married to Cindy. I have met her a few times and before this I thought she was fine. Yesterday I was getting some Mac and cheese at the youngest birthday celebration when Cindy came over asking what I am doing. I told her getting Mac and cheese and she got angry. She went on a huge tangent about trying to win back Max and how I’m am not part of the family. That I should get my own family since I am not needed anymore.

I told her I am not going anywhere and she needs to live with it. I have been part of this family for 10 years at this point. She ran off after that. I am getting texts from max that I I am a huge jerk and I need to apologize. The rest are staying neutral and the youngest is annoyed at Cindy.

Edit to make it really clear, I am part of the family I call them mom and dad. They tell me I am their kids. The sisters refer to me as their sister. Not all families are born

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/pradays on 2023-10-04 13:41:04.

Me and 3 friends decides to book a weekend trip to a nearby city. I spent a bit of time searching for a good deal on a hotel because our incomes are not that comparable, mainly because I and another friend don’t make as much money as the rest.

About a week ago one of my friends decided to invite another one of her friends. I hardly know this person, but was okay with it initially. This friend of hers contacted the hotel, and let us know that in order to rebook a bigger room we had to pay almost 200 euros of rebooking fees and 30 euro extra per night. I told her that I’m not willing to do that, because I don’t have that much money and I’ve spent quite some time looking for a deal.

The situation got pretty tense, and a pretty big discussion started out because my friend and the acquaintance kept saying we needed to make a choice about the room because the group was divided about it. I was the only one who actually spoke out against it, but another friend was also not willing to pay. I told them that my point of view has been pretty clear from the start, but now I’m wondering if I am the asshole for not wanting to pay for her?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Certain-Towel6759 on 2023-10-04 13:51:44.

My mom named me (16M) Cassian after her mom, my grandma, Cassie, who died when mom 7 years old. My grandpa remarried after grandma's death and mom and her stepmom never had a good relationship. My stepgrandma tried but she was always insecure and jealous of the fact my mom thought so much of my grandma and never saw her equally. Mom and dad wanted to name their kids after people they lost but decided they wouldn't just wait for the right sex and would find a name to do it regardless. So I was Cassian after Cassie, my sister was named after our late uncle and my twin brother and sister were named after mom's favorite grandparent and dad's elderly neighbor from childhood who was a grandparent in every way except blood.

My stepgrandma always had a visible dislike for my name. I remember being 4 or 5 and she tried calling me Tommy. Thomas/Tom/Tommy are no way part of my name so it always seemed weird to me. I don't remember how long it lasted but it was long enough that it stood out to me as happening for a while. She cringed whenever someone called me Cassie or Cass for a nickname.

I really didn't like her doing that and it made me dislike seeing her and grandpa.

She stopped with the Tommy stuff for a while and then tried to get away with calling me Bertie. I told her I didn't like that and she needed to call me Cassian or Cass. She told me she'd like me to have a different nickname and I said no, I didn't want some random name as my nickname. Grandpa asked me to compromise and I told him they could call me by name or I would tell mom (mom didn't hear this stuff normally).

The most recent time she did this was 2 years ago. I decided to say eff them in my head and now I haven't spent any time with them since. Mom never really visited but now she always makes excuses for them not to come visit. We only see them now during family functions.

Grandpa reached out to me a few days ago and asked me if I would come to stay with them some weekends. He said my stepgrandma was feeling abandoned because it was clear none of the grandkids were interested in spending time with her and he thought it would be nice for me as the oldest to set a good example and help them out. I said no. He told me I could do this small thing for them, I owed them that much at least. I said I owe them nothing when she always disrespects me by calling me by a different name and refusing to listen when I say I don't want to be renamed with a nickname. He said she's my grandma and I said no, she's not anyone's mom or grandma and she's still bitterly jealous of the fact grandma hasn't been forgotten and that's not our faults. He told me I was being disrespectful and I could hear his wife in the background. He called to tell my mom and she backed me up and told him to leave me alone.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/burneraccount1232143 on 2023-10-04 07:40:06.

Im (50F) with a lot of health issues but always have been the breadwinner. My husband john (46M) has on and off jobs, more off than on. At the start of our relationship we had an agreement since I had the education and job experience we didn't want anybody else to raise our kids. At the time he had three kids by somebody else, Jessica (24F), Gracie and Jordan(27 they are twins). My kids I had with him in our marriage are Taylor (17F) and Charles (19M) both of my kids are still in school but have jobs . John and I have been married for almost 24 years.

For the last 7 years I have been taking care of all the kids. He decided that he wanted to cheat and step out of the marriage more than once. I always welcomed him back with open arms. I'm now realizing that I shouldn't have but I did. Fast forward to now I've still been taking care of all of his kids, and they refuse to get jobs. Except for the kids that I had. I want to say that they have a mom to take care of them but she just didn't have the money to support them. I knew that I couldn't leave his older kids to be homeless, so I offered them a place to stay.

They are disrespectful to this day, they smoked weed all day, and refuse to help clean. I pay all the bills alone because my husband also doesn't have a job. My kids are in school and still have jobs so I want to know what their excuse is. I can't take care of his older kids for the rest of their lives.

My husband is saying that I'm wrong for pressuring them to get jobs. They live in the real world where you have to have a job to support themself. I gave them the choice, they can either get a job or go back to school. Not college, they haven't finished high school, I tried everything I could to make them go back but they didn't. I know that it's hard to get a job without a high school diploma so I told them to go back to school or get a job. They don't want to work at a fast food place but there aren't many options when you haven't finished high school.

I pay over 4,200 bills not including food. I spend over $400 in groceries a week, and mostly they are eating all of it, because my kids will doordash food for themselves or eat out. I do realize that they grew up differently from how I raised my own kids, but I still think it's reasonable for them to get a job. All I'm asking is for $200 for rent. That is more than they spend on weed and drinking in a month.

Please tell me if AITAH or not. My husband is saying that I am but I need a different opinion.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway271049 on 2023-10-04 11:26:02.

Been with this girl for almost 3 years now. IMO, the past year she has given absolutely no effort towards her life, and it has completely turned me off (not just sexually, but just from the relationship as a whole).

She's 25, has no job, lives at her parents house, doesn't go to school, doesn't drive (has a license, but is scared of the road). I also live at my parent's house, am 22, in college, and work part-time.

I've been telling her for months now that she's needed go do something. Anything. Literally anything at this point. Go take driving lessons (I offered to pay), get a job, go back to school, start working out. I'm the one that drives 30 minutes back and fourth to pick her up when we hang out. Unless we're hanging out, odds are she sits in her room and doesn't leave the house for the entire day. She stopped going to therapy, too.

I've been nudging her nicely for the past year, slowly getting more and more fed up. It's always "I'm trying my best" or "I'm working on it." Never any action being taken. I offer to help from any aspect, I know it's going to take one step at a time but if she ever takes that first step, it's dropped within a week. She started working out, but gave up after 2 weeks. She LITERALLY had a job at a local store, but then called them and told them she couldn't do it anymore, gave them and me some BS excuse. There is always an excuse.

Clearly, I'm fed up with it. I've been trying for a whole year. And I've ALWAYS asked nicely, offered to do everything with her. Help her drive, go to the gym with her, help her find a job. Still nothing. Fast forward to last week, where she tells me that I'm not giving enough effort in the relationship and I need to treat her better in some ways. Very fair, I could be better in some aspects, but then I bring up the point that I've been asking you to do these things for months on end, that is genuinely a source of my lack of effort towards the relationship. That's when I said something like: "How am I supposed to give effort towards us when you aren't even functional at a basic level? Come on, I'm asking for the bare minimum here."

It sounds mean now that I think it back, but can you see where I'm coming from? I did not mean for it to be mean, but genuinely being honest, she is 25 and quite literally sits at home all day. Am I the asshole?

TLDR; After months of pure laziness and neglect towards her own life, I told my girlfriend she "is not functional at a basic level."

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/New_Incident1837 on 2023-10-04 06:52:49.

I (30F) am married to (37M) wonderful husband. We have been married for 6 and half years and we don’t have any kids. Currently we are in a friend group with 3 other couples. I’m not going to name them so let’s say couple A, B and C. Couple A have 2 sons, couple B and C are currently pregnant.

Wife of couple A always thinks that when we visit them we should take care of their children as they need time to relax. And always hands her 2nd kids to me and 1st kid to my husband.

Couple B was always asking if we were okay after they reveal their pregnancy. They made us feel comfortable and they never talk about pregnancy. When they ask me to be the keeper for their baby gender and help them with the gender reveal party I was happy to help them.

When couple C fell pregnant they were showing that they were pregnant from the day 1. They shared their pregnancy news when they were 6 week pregnant. Now they are 14 weeks pregnant they want to do their gender reveal at the end of October and want me to do their gender reveal. And when they shared they are having twins yesterday and wants me keep it a secret till gender reveal. It hit hard made me emotional. And told my husband on the way home that they were having twins and I don’t want him to get startled at gender reveal day.

Let me explain why he might get startled at the party. We suffered many miscarriages throughout our 6.5 years of marriage. First one was on 2017 at 19 weeks, second on 2020 with twins at 8week and 14 weeks and third one on March of this year at 9 weeks. Last miscarriage happens day before the couple A’s 2nd son was born. We were quite devastated on losing our baby on March. We informed all our friends through text that we were miscarrying and we need some time to heal. Around that time couple B also fell pregnant and they were considerate about our feeling so they didn’t reveal their pregnancy and told us at the end of July. It was hard for us but we were happy for them.

Couple A and C have never considered our feeling only think about theirs. We went to visit couple A’s baby when it was 11 days old and she hand me her baby and disappear for 1 and half hour. It was hard but I hold him and cared for him. After coming home I cried holding my husband. She never ask us how we are feeling or we are okay. When she tells us to look after them we do that and never say anything to them. It is hard for us to took care of them cause we haven’t healed through our losses. We don’t say a thing and just look after their kids. Couple C is having worst pregnancy symptoms and always says that I am having hard time with this I don’t want you to have this types of symptoms when you get pregnant. She knows all my history.

Today I told couple C that I have told my husband that you guys were having twins and I need to consider his feeling. They were accusing me of ruing their surprise and I didn’t considered their feeling. Am I the asshole for telling my husband ?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Advanced-Command-526 on 2023-10-04 06:19:54.

My (35F) husband (38M) was admitted to the hospital 3 weeks ago. We didn’t know what why he was sick and he stopped breathing and was put on a ventilator and was asleep for 2 weeks. I didn’t know if he was going to pull through or not or if he would have long-term problems if he did come through.

I only told our families and did not tell all of our friends. Some of his friends kept texting him and calling him so I had my brother in law tell my husband’s friends that my husband was very sick.

A bunch of them started calling and texting my husband, even though my husband was unresponsive and couldn’t use his phone whatsoever. I do have access to my husbands phone, but I haven’t read anything or looked through anything. I’ve been saving all of his messages and stuff for him to see when he gets better and can look at it himself.

So 2 days ago my husband started to wake back up, he’s asked for his phone a few times and he started to click on messages. He just moves his fingers around and swipes. I saw messages between his friends calling me a b**** and saying to f*** me for not telling them right away.

Some of these guys my husband used to be friendly with but now doesn’t even talk to them. They got into a fight and said mean things about my husband and me and so he stopped hanging out with them. He left their softball and football leagues over it. My husband told me and his brothers so many times that he couldn’t stand these guys and was happy to be rid of them.

My husband was in the ICU for 2 weeks. He can’t have more than 2 visitors each day and his brothers swap out with me. He can’t talk, and he’s been unresponsive and just asleep on a ventilator with so many things hooked up to him. Now that he’s waking up I asked if he wants visitors and he shook his head no. I asked about his friends and he still shook his head for a no.

I still asked my husband if he wants them to come visit even though they have been so mean to me and he always shakes his head no but his friends don’t believe me and think that I’m lying and they’re so angry that I didn’t tell them right away what was going on even though my husband hasn’t talked to them in months and don’t want anything to do with them.

AITA for not telling his friends he was in the hospital?

(I know there are spelling mistakes but I’m too tired to go fix all of them)

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Anxious-Editor-6056 on 2023-10-04 05:48:49.

We just had people over to the house for my 45th birthday.

I managed to make it into my thirties without getting married then I met my wife (29). She is perfect for me. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever met and she is so much smarter than me it is embarrassing sometimes.

She is amazing but she has one weird hang-up. She thinks some of my hobbies are immature. Which is fine. She can be the mature one in our relationship.

We have two kids 7/5. Never thought I wanted kids but now know I couldn't live without them. They wanted to get me a present for my big birthday. So we went to ToysRUs and got me a sweet Lego set. Then I helped them wrap it up so I could open it up at our party.

All the guys were jealous of my new Lego set. I got some nice golf stuff and some very nice bourbon but all the guys could talk about was my new Millennium Falcon.

My wife for some reason decided to take the credit from the kids. She was telling everyone how she got it for me because I'm such a little boy at heart. Our kids heard her and were confused because they know she wasn't involved at all. They were telling everyone how they took me to the store to find something I would love. The each even put in some of their own money ($10 each) to buy my gift.

When guys asked me about it I told the truth that my kids and I had bought it and that my gift from my wife was new golf clubs.

She is upset that the gift she got me wasn't the one everyone thought was the best. She said I should have made it shift from the family and not just the kids.

I told her that her gift was amazing and that I will be using them for years and that I appreciate her getting me something that useful. But I said that the kids had chosen to get me a toy and that she shouldn't try and take credit.

She says that I didn't have to exclude her from the toy shopping. And that I didn't need to tell people she wasn't involved in buying me my "toy". I didn't. She has told me in the past that it embarrasses her that I play with toys.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Angry_Grandad on 2023-10-04 07:06:19.

My 20 year old daughter lives with me (m47). She has a boyfriend Gary (20m) who currently lives with his own parents. She lost her job over COVID and has felt to sad since then to look for a new one. I’m not sure if Gary has ever worked but he doesn’t now, mostly he just sits around my house playing X-Box and eating my food. I’m not Gary’s biggest fan, but my daughter loves him so I tolerate him and have always been polite to him.

About a month ago, she went missing for a little over 3 days. While she does go out a fair bit without telling me, this was a lot longer than usual. I rang her mother and messaged Gary and any of her friends I could think of, and no one had seen her. Eventually Gary responded with a picture of a baby and ‘Say hello to your grandson!’ She had never even told my ex-wife or I that she was pregnant (for context, she’s a bigger girl and had put on a couple of extra kilos over the last couple of months. While it seems obvious now in retrospect, at the time it just seemed like normal weight gain).

She and Gary bought the baby back to our house some time the next day while I was at work. When I got home, I asked her why she wouldn’t tell me something like this, and she said it’s because she wanted Gary to move in with us, and she knew if she’d asked before the baby was born I would have said no and that she and Gary need to get themselves sorted, both get jobs, and find their own place to live before the baby comes (she’s probably not wrong). But if she waited until he was born then I’d have to say yes to Gary moving in because what kind of monster would keep their grandson from living with their father?

I was so mad at her reason for hiding it that I yelled at her, saying that it was an incredibly manipulative thing for her to do, and I was too angry at the moment to give her an answer about Gary. I told her I needed time to process and think, and asked her not to talk to me for a little while.

She rang her mother in tears. My ex then rang me to ask how I could be so cold, and tell me that I was ruining what should be an exciting and magical time for her, my daughter, Gary and myself. She said I’d look back on this in years and feel terrible that I spent the first days of my firstborn grandchild’s life making everyone upset by being angry at my daughter and her boyfriend and stalling their plans to live together with the baby.

I feel like I’m justified in being angry about them intentionally trying to manipulate me, but everyone around me seems to think I don’t have a valid reason for being bothered in the first place, and that I need to get over it, move on and let them live together. AITA?