I want a security camera system that I can trust to be only my own. My requirements are not hugely unreasonable, but I can't find them the way search engines suck shit these days. I want a camera system with:

Local storage

No internet connection

No phone connection

No cables

No cloud storage option

No router necessary

And the option that seems impossible with the others: No option of remote connections

I don't want to see whats going on in real time on my phone, I want a completely private recording saved if I ever need to see if I got robbed. I don't want offline ability, I want cameras that can not connect to the internet at all, even through another device. I'm not worried about local network hacking, I want saved video that can only be viewed directly from the local storage. Longish life batteries so I don't have to route power, and no cables that can be unplugged. Solar powered would be nice, but isn't necessary.

Why is that so hard to find?