it's crushing because I also have cptsd and bipolar disorder so sometimes the stars align and i'm incredibly productive because of mania+perfection trauma but usually it's just depression+depression+paralysis while you recall how functional you can be and loathe yourself for not being able to perform. lot of self-loathing tbh. But i do love myself these days and even when i'm spiralling i have learned techniques to pull myself into a stable position.