what advice can you give me to try and mend a broken friendship so we don't interrupt each other or yell at each other while trying to solve our issues? (linux.community)

submitted 1 week ago by vestmoria@linux.community to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3500461

it was bad, but we both agree we have to talk about it.

The conversation became a yelling match where neither listened to the other, we both started ranting about the other one and left the room.

It was, however, mostly my fault, something I want to acknowledge.

I was thinking about using pauses each time one feels offended or thinks is going to yell, so we both leave the room and calm down, pauses we can use to try to understand the other's point of view before resuming the conversation. We don't have to solve all our problems in one sitting, we could explain how we see a particular issue and if we don't see an immediate solution, sleep on it, meet on another day to keep talking about it. I've also heard about using a talking pillow and not forgetting is not me against her, but we against the problem, but other than that I have no idea what to do.

I also plan to tell her I find some things she does extremely unfair because this is not a one sided apology where I'm the only guilty party.

This is a conversation to clear the air, to be sincere and to see if we still want to be friends.

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[-] Reverendender@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 week ago

If you’re basing your decision of whether to stay friends on one argument, I can speak to this from some experience, and the extremely long time it took me to figure this out. People get upset in the moment. It does not mean they then hate you forever, or that you must do the same. Most people just want to allow some time to get over it, and then move on. Sometimes conversations to clear the air are necessary and worth it, and sometimes they just dredge stuff back up that makes everyone angry again, and would be easier to just forget about. One time I wrote an email to a friend telling her some of her behaviors that upset me, and why. She never mentioned the email, we never spoke about it, but she did make adjustments in her behavior to accommodate my feelings and needs. And the fact that she did that for me felt great. Is this advice flawless and guaranteed to work or be applicable in all scenarios? Almost certainly not. But maybe it’s something to consider, that you find helpful.

this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2025

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