Sorry, but I'm going to be blunt. This is an ill informed comment. This is in fact normal with most weapons sales. For example:

https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/swiss-government-refuses-re-export-arms-ukraine-2023-03-10/

By your logic, Denmark, Germany and Spain aren't independent of Switzerland, simply because they were able to refuse reexport. But of course that's nonsense. It's just that arms and weapons contract invariably include clauses which prohibit reexport without permission of the country of origin. To not include these clauses would make weapons trafficking far too easy. Simply export to a second country which isn't on the sanctions list, then have them re-export to another country, then another country, then another country, then North Korea or wherever because the second to final country doesn't have laws that prohibit it or has insufficient checks.

In this case, the US doing it publically bolsters US allies. The US has publicly said it's ok, so that if shit hits the fan, the US can't say "we didn't approve of this weapons sale, so it's their own problem".

Also, don't forget that the F16 is used as a delivery mechanism for nuclear weapons as part of nuclear sharing, so it's not a crate of automatic rifles. It's a serious escalation, given the Russians can never be entirely sure that the Ukrainian F16 flying towards their border isn't actually a Dutch F16 armed with nukes. In the case of the Netherlands the B61 with a yield of 300 kilotons of which IRC they have 200 of at their disposal if shit hits the fan. The US really isn't the bad guy for including stringent conditions on the reexport of a plane potentially capable of nuking Moscow.

TLDR The US may have undue influence on smaller NATO members, but this really isn't a good example of that.