I was raised by a shit-tier neonazi. I can't relate to being shaped by the military and being unable to separate oneself from being a veteran but, at least in some ways, I think my experience parallels yours.

In my (armchair expert) opinion, you don't separate yourself from growing up indoctrinated. That's going to be a part of you because we are all products of our history. And it's not about freeing yourself from it either. It's taking what your upbringing gave you and turning that into something positive.

You would have a unique insight into the armed forces and, I'm assuming, an ability to connect with servicepeople and veterans in a way that I will never have access to. When you have the capacity to do it (and not one minute before), you'd be able to peel people away from their military indoctrination and make their own deprogramming journey easier than you had it yourself because you are familiar with the terrain and its hazards. Of course you won't be able to do this instantaneously or with everyone you encounter but there's gotta be those malcontents who are/were in the forces that you'd quickly be able to identify and connect with.

Maybe it will only ever be one or two people. But that doesn't matter. That's still an entire life or two which you could be a role model for and a positive influence on, so that cannot be overstated.

I'm rambling here but I guess I wanted to make sure that you aren't chasing after a mirage. You can unpick all the ways that you have been indoctrinated over time and you can grow beyond that indoctrination, but ultimately I don't think that you ever truly separate yourself from it. You just come to terms with it in time and you find ways to be something of an alchemist, on occasion, by turning that bullshit into gold.