There are SO ✖️MANY bananas🍌, but most people have only eaten the ☕️🎩Cavendish. Awhile back, I got a box of assorted 🙋🏻‍♂️🙆🏽‍♂️💁🏿‍♂️bananas🍌 from a 🧑‍🌾🐓🐷farm that specializes🚜 in growing unusual fruit. I ate about twenty🧑‍🌾😮‍💨 pounds of 🍌bananas in three weeks. So many fucking 🤾🏼‍♂️🍌🅱️nanners spread across my entire kitchen countertop for weeks, ripening in stages.🧑🏻‍🌾🧑🏽‍🌾🧑🏾‍🌾🧑🏿‍🌾

My life has been a lie😢. Yours too.🪞 🇺🇸We've all been hoodwinked. 💇‍♀️😉We are getting fucked🍆🍌, and 🙅‍♂️not in the good way🙅‍♀️, because 🤢Cavendish is a straight up⬆️🗑️ garbage💩 fruit. There are tiny tart toothsome 🇹🇭Thai 🍌bananas, chunky Cuban🎅🏻🚬🍌, alluring Apple 🍎🍌, beauteous burro💋💄🫏🍌, pleasurably plump Pisang 🥺, orally🥹 outstanding orinoco🍌, mouth👄watering💦 Mysore😫🍌, and the gustatorily🫃🍌 magnificent Gros 🤮 Michel, the OG mass production 🅱️naner, which was replaced by 🤢Cavendish in a mycological midlife🧗🏻🚵🏻🤹‍♂️ crisis🚑 (I'm drunk and if I was a 🦕dinosaur🦖, I'd be a tiny tenacious 🐙thesaurus 📚tenuisi). Plus more. So 🍌many 🍌more. Fucking. Bananas.🏊‍♀️🏊‍♂️🏊🍌

They all taste👅 like 🍌bananas, but each is a 👼little

✝️☪️✡️🕉️🔯🕎different, some more than others, but they all had more taste👅 that those 🤢Cavendish🇬🇧💂‍♂️ fuckers! So get 🍌ucked Chiquita, Dole, and Del🧑🏽‍🍼 Monte. My banana🍌 bread🍞 sucks 🤤 because of y'all.🔚