Wasn't sure if I wanted to put it out there, but I needed a place to let it out. I suppose my situation was too good to be true. Dated for years, but the marriage itself did not make it to a single year, at least unofficially.
It's been a stressful time. She previously had a government job under an agency that doge culled. She loved her job. I realize that as a society we work too much, but to some degree people do want to feel productive and that many people find their workplaces to be places of belonging. She apologized for taking so long to come to this conclusion, but she mentioned that this time away from work has helped a lot with self-reflection.
I was aware that she considered herself bi previously and that she had relations with women before. I wasn't aware of the extent of it. She told me she felt compulsory heterosexuality for a long time, but wasn't entirely sure of it and I was her last chance in regards to men. She told me she still loved me, just not that way, and that I was the best partner she'd ever had, that she was remorseful about not being compatible in that regard. We discussed a lot of more private feelings, mostly trying to understand and showing concern for each other.
I support her. If that's how she feels then that's how she feels, and she deserves to be happy. I'm not angry with her, and we're not leaving each others lives, just changing roles. It still hurts a lot, but that's life sometimes. It isn't anyone's fault.
That said I'm glad I won't be doing anything tomorrow. I'm just struggling to function right now. And yeah, that's how it's going.
Edit: I slept in today quite a bit. I've read through most of the replies and it really melted my heart. I cried a bit. I didn't expect so many kind words or this much encouragement. I appreciate a lot of the advice too. I don't really know how to express any gratitude beyond this. I will try to reply a bit more later, but I need to take some more time to myself for a while. Thank you.
That must suck for you OP, but credit to you for being such a stand up guy about it. The fact that you haven’t even hinted as to any sort of ego bruising as a result of this shows a level of emotional maturity that’s uncommon and admirable. I wish you luck if you decide to hit the dating scene down the line.
You flatter me. I don't really know how to take it like that. This is just two people being themselves. We haven't done anything wrong besides being incompatible in certain ways.
And I appreciate the kind wishes, I'm not sure if I'll try later. She is one of the only people in the world I can say I have ever felt comfortable being vulnerable around and I'm not sure that I could build up that trust with anyone in the future.
I understand how you feel and I understand you believe that now. Give yourself some time to heal. And you'll be out there again in no time. You won't even know it's happening when it's happening. As humans, we naturally reach out to people. You don't ever have to download an app, but I know you will find people that will make you happy even if you decide ultimately not to get in another relationship. But don't deny yourself happiness when it stares you in the face.
This guy is the dad I wish i had...
Dude Dont blame the dad Being emotionally mature is not easy
I think the OP is entitled to be more upset than he is - I presume his wife didn't intend to hurt him, but the fact of the matter is that she did, and IMO marrying him while being wrong about whether or not she was actually sexually attracted to him was real wrongdoing on her part even though it wasn't deliberate.
I can't speak for OP's wife, but she may have honestly thought she felt that way about OP before realizing over time that she didn't. It sounds like there was at least still legitimate romantic attraction, if not sexual. Processing attraction is not made any easier by how much most societies condition the concept of heteronormativity.
It sucks to find out that late, but the amicable separation is at least a better outcome than trying to prop up a loveless marriage for years and years out of guilt. Agreed that OP is entitled to feel upset, but I don't think it's entirely fair to put her in the position of the offender (however unintentionally) when she may likewise be feeling awful about everything.