Wasn't sure if I wanted to put it out there, but I needed a place to let it out. I suppose my situation was too good to be true. Dated for years, but the marriage itself did not make it to a single year, at least unofficially.
It's been a stressful time. She previously had a government job under an agency that doge culled. She loved her job. I realize that as a society we work too much, but to some degree people do want to feel productive and that many people find their workplaces to be places of belonging. She apologized for taking so long to come to this conclusion, but she mentioned that this time away from work has helped a lot with self-reflection.
I was aware that she considered herself bi previously and that she had relations with women before. I wasn't aware of the extent of it. She told me she felt compulsory heterosexuality for a long time, but wasn't entirely sure of it and I was her last chance in regards to men. She told me she still loved me, just not that way, and that I was the best partner she'd ever had, that she was remorseful about not being compatible in that regard. We discussed a lot of more private feelings, mostly trying to understand and showing concern for each other.
I support her. If that's how she feels then that's how she feels, and she deserves to be happy. I'm not angry with her, and we're not leaving each others lives, just changing roles. It still hurts a lot, but that's life sometimes. It isn't anyone's fault.
That said I'm glad I won't be doing anything tomorrow. I'm just struggling to function right now. And yeah, that's how it's going.
Edit: I slept in today quite a bit. I've read through most of the replies and it really melted my heart. I cried a bit. I didn't expect so many kind words or this much encouragement. I appreciate a lot of the advice too. I don't really know how to express any gratitude beyond this. I will try to reply a bit more later, but I need to take some more time to myself for a while. Thank you.
I head a very similar situation start roughly 7-8 years ago. She came out as lesbian after assessing the possibility of being bi, and i was struggling myself with also the possibility of being gay. I primarily identify as ace, so plenty of confusion. I settled with bi for now, but anyway, she fully publicly came out in 2019 and got nothing but support, except from my family. They are currently no-contact for many reasons. There were a lot of rollercoaster emotions overall.
Anywho, were still besties, and we have a house that we share, and she just got engaged to her true love, and i can't be happier for them. We're in the midst of a very amicable divorce (nothing to split and no kids), and it's been kinda nice to be solo
I know this is a more peculiar situation, but it worked out in the end ๐
I kinda had the same problem with working through my sexuality. I started hetero because I was raised in the south so of course I wasn't gay. Then, I thought... hmmm, these girls aren't doing it for me. And so, I tried with guys. No, that's not it, either. Maybe I just haven't found the right one, yet. So, I kept bouncing back and forth thinking maybe I'm bi, because neither turned me off, but neither turned me on. Turns out, I'm ace. It took 30 years to sort that shit out, and honestly it was a youtuber talking about how they felt and how they discovered it that made me realize exactly what I was going through. Unfortunately, I have a long string of exes that didn't end well because I wasn't emotionally mature enough to understand what I was going through. Hopefully OP and anyone else struggling has a better outcome.
If my family were involved they wouldn't be supportive, but I would not allow them to harm her in any regard.
I consider myself demi at the moment, but with just how much it takes for me to bond with anyone I do sometimes it feels that I may as well be aroace. It's hard to describe the amount of important aspects that we share together that made us functional together even if it only took one fault to make it impossible.
We're still going to live together for the time being. I might be more bothered by sharing the same bed than she is. We do want to separate at some point so she can pursue love on her own, although she doesn't feel a lot of confidence about that.
She wants me to try dating though, but I also just don't feel any confidence about finding anyone.
Honestly, the least she could do for you after pulling the rug out on you like this is hit the couch.
She probably would if I asked.
It's her bed though, and we agreed a long time ago that neither of us would in any circumstance take the floor or any other space that's less comfortable than the bed.
We will look into separate sleeping spaces in the future. It's not the closeness that bothers me as much as it is how she mumbles in her sleep. Nothing that she has ever said in her sleep hinted at this, and judging by last night it's probably not going to change. I don't think I'll be alright hearing it every night.
Yeah, family loss is still the toughest thing to grieve through, especially if you had ideal perspectives of them. However, that veil for me slowly cracked and crumbled at first, and finally blew apart when my dad said the following to my (then) coming out: "It's all about this woke generation."... that right there solidified my choice.
I pondered about demi as well for a bit, but I would really need to sit and think about where I fall under the ace Plinko. The dating thing for me is basically non-existent as noted in an earlier comment, and it's a combination of still trying to feel right in my own skin, and the confidence like you mention. Also, I'm older now, and being that I kinda played a reverse bachelor, as now I get to settle into that life where I can just chill.
We shared the same bad for a while afterwards, however there was a point when it started to feel weird, like kinda coming to the realization after the initial choices. But now, I have a kickass basement en suite, kitted out just the way I like it :)