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That’s what I did, because I didn’t know anything about how it works when I signed up. I guess the big ones near the top of the instance list are more random than smaller ones (reversion to the mean), but even there, mander.xyz users tone seems different to me.
Unfortunately, I think the same effect works both ways. The reasonable people you are seeking will mostly gravitate towards low-effort instances - after all, they are just looking for funny memes. They heard about lemmy as "reddit, but with fewer bots". They have jobs and hobbies and friends in the real world - all sorts of reasons to care about anything other than the specific instance of a random social media platform they are joining. It is no coincidence that the most tankie users on the most tankie instances oscillate between posting revolutionary content and posting suicide jokes. It will be the rare person who threads the needle of "reasonable enough to have real world perspective, but obsessive enough to create and manage a curated lemmy instance for reasonable people."
As a pretty middle of the road liberal with a few conservative or libertarian sympathies (but a lot of opinions about auto oriented city planning), I'm afraid we just have to wade through the muck until our communities appear via emergent design. Until then, I like the neoliberal comm.
So much this! Not everyone on Lemmy wants their entire life defined by political news. lol