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this post was submitted on 07 Apr 2026
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I wish I felt alive inside anymore, I've felt cold and dead and hopeless for years now. I tried that and it was like trying to talk the grand canyon into filling itself in
I've read Lenin, and tried using his methods and analysis to take targeted action based on my local material conditions and consciousness, but I'm not strong enough to keep trying and trying while accomplishing nothing, and my knowledge of Lenin just makes it so I see all around me what I am too weak to engage in
I don't remember how to have revolutionary optimism
And I feel ashamed that I don't even try anymore
Join an org. An individual does not a vanguard party make
I was in an org for years I wasn't just on a street corner with a sign saying its the end of days
How many decades did the Bolsheviks spend as a tiny, marginal group? How many years of trying and failing? How many years in exile? The lesson of Lenin is that only by continuing to diligently organize and being active even when it looks like you have no chance of succeeding can you lay the groundwork for eventual success. So maybe it won't happen in your lifetime, like Lenin didn't believe would happen in his, but the foundation you have built will serve for the next generation of revolutionaries to rise even higher. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Revolutionary optimism is first and foremost about recognizing that and developing the necessary fortitude and endurance to get back up no matter how many times you fall, to know that even if you must retreat today you will be able to advance again tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.
yes, like I said I know exactly how much of a failure I am
I know what I should be doing I know what has been done before me and that I am failing to do it, but I just don't have it in me
Take some time to recover and maybe you will feel differently at some point. It's ok to just be a supporter or sympathizer. Not everyone is cut out to be a cadre. That doesn't mean you failed. People have different roles to play in the revolution.