How can I deal with not being able to help with other people's problems whom I care about? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago by dingus@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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Hi all. Apologies if this isn't the right community for this type of question. Just let me know and I'll remove it.

Recently I've been struggling a bit. There are a few people in my life right know who I care deeply about. They are going through some very rough times right now. (Ex: money issues, sick relatives, etc.)

I am very frustrated because I hear about what's going on all the time and I am powerless to do anything to help. The advice I've had in the past is "just be a friend and be there for them," but there is only so far I am mentally and even physically able to go with that. All I want to do is to fix it and make it better for them but I can't.

And it's been making me go a bit crazy tbh. It's pretty narcissistic of me to be reacting this way, but I can't help it. I don't tell these people that I am stressed out because of them and I don't tell them that it is affecting me in any way. It's such an asshole move for me to be feeling this way but I just don't know how to get out of it.

I try to be nice and friendly all the time, but it's killing me. I just want to be able to help but I can't. I'm completely and totally powerless.

Surely there are those of you out there who care about others and have run into this issue before. What the actual fuck am I supposed to do? "Just be a friend" doesn't help my mental state or do anything for any of the issues that any of us have.

Thanks all.

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[-] TearfulTurtles@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

You're a fixer, and very empathetic. That's great, but also dangerous - you'll burn yourself out trying to fix everything. You'll have to accept that you can't fix everything for everybody - in fact by doing so, you'll be creating new problems. Your mental state will tank, because there is no end to life's troubles. There will always be a new issue.

The best way to help is to offer it - and if they ask, cheerfully chip in, but otherwise, deal with your own day to day tasks. You can help without "shouldering" thier problems. When I went through tough times, the people I appreciated the most did simple things like go out to dinner or play video games with me. Very simple.

Other people's problems are not yours, and if you continue having these thoughts, seek a therapist.

Source: have seen many empathetic fixers crash and burn

[-] dingus@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

I just cannot get over seeing people I care about in pain. I don't know how to "get over" it to be a better friend if that makes sense.

I went to one session with a therapist recently and it was like $200 post-insurance for just the one session. No clue how people afford that.

this post was submitted on 28 Sep 2023

69 points (97.3% liked)

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