276
Matchless in the Digital Age
(lemmy.world)
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 26 Oct 2023
276 points (92.9% liked)
> Greentext
7547 readers
162 users here now
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Try being on the apps for a year without a match. Really helps boost the old self esteem.
Do young people not go places to meet new people anymore? I haven't been single since dating apps got real popular, but I still feel most people who partner up probably aren't meeting on the Internet.
I haven't been single in a long time, but any time I go out there always seems to be single women looking for company, at least enough to try hitting on a dude with a ring.
Less walkable communities, less free time, and more remote work lead to isolation. Our capitalist society was not designed for meeting people, it was designed to make people work
But why are selfish millennials killing the birthrate?!
This is strange because people that are coupled (and eventually have children) are stronger consumers than a single person.
Your thinking too long term, gotta think how will this effect this quarters earnings?
Exactly, capitalism is all about short term profits. If you're a publicly traded company it's literally law
People who are actively dating also spend more money. We gotta bump those numbers up, Johnson, get the people dating and spending! Lets make a day where couples will spend money on each other.
Lets call it Valentines day, and we'll put it in each quarter. It'll be a hit.
I mean you say this but Tinder and all its clones don't make their money off of people trying to get a date. They make money by pushing you to the brink of what they think you'll tolerate to not leave the platform, but make matches scarce enough that you pay for premium placement; their goal is to sell premium service, not hook you up.
And actually getting you into a LTR is the opposite of what they want, because it removes two people from their pool.
Where exactly am I supposed to meet people, the grocery store? I could go to bars but I don't drink. People always say to join groups or meet people through hobbies but all of my hobbies are complete sausage fests. Dating people you work with is usually a bad idea but that doesn't matter anyways because almost all of the people I work with are men. People say just meet more friends but I already have more friends than I can keep up with. Actually most of those friends are even women. But none of them are around my age, single, and interested in dating me.
I'm starting to become convinced that single women who are my age don't actually exist. I'm not sure what bank vault the government is keeping them locked up in but it certainly isn't anywhere I go. The dating app minefield is the only place I've even been able to find women who are around my age. Like I legitimately don't know where they all go. It's baffling. They just don't seem to exist anywhere outside of dating apps.
I'm not trying to discount any of your feelings or experiences, I went through this same thing for years until I met my current (and first) gf; for context I was 28 when we started going out.
I hated hearing it when I was in your situation but it's always been true for me, work on yourself and keep yourself open and things will eventually happen. I gave up trying to find a girlfriend when I was 27 after years of striking out irl and on dating apps and decided to focus on myself. I was starting a graduate program and got a cool public art opportunity through my city so I just put all my energy into that which helped me focus less on tinder and my lack of sex (kinda) . One day this girl I worked with dumped her loser boyfriend and after several failed attempts to ask her out (I'm bad at putting things down, she's bad at picking things up) i finally had a date. Four years later and she's begging me for a ring.
Life is tough and even harder when you don't have someone to experience it with. Again, I don't know your situation and I don't want to just be another asshole saying things will get better cause I fucking hate those people when I was sad and lonely, but I genuinely do believe good things come to those who wait. Keep yourself open to new experiences and listen to your gut if it's telling you to take a chance.
Or tell me to stfu, that's cool too I get it and won't be upset.
That's actually kinda reassuring to hear because I'm 27 and I have already given up on dating for a while so hopefully I'm just following in your footsteps. Also to your sex point that one isn't my issue because sex isn't something I care much about anyways (ace spectrum). It would just be nice to have someone to do stuff with.
But like I said dating hasn't been a real focus of mine for a few years now anyways. I just get reminded of it when I see threads like this.
Glad I could offer a bit of reassurance man, all the best going forward.
My parents met in their early forties, both years after first divorcing. You have a lot of time, if you just want someone to spend your later years with. Depends on what you want out of a relationship.
I mean, probably dont want to hear this but if all of your hobbies are complete sausage fests but you want to meet women organically you should try out some hobbies that women are more likely to do. Dancing classes, cooking classes, improv comedy groups, yoga, certain adult sports leagues etc. Once you have a few women friends it becomes much easier to meet more and most women would love to set up their friemds if they think you're cool.
I mean that's fair. But I don't enjoy any of those things. Joining a woman dominated group that I don't actually want to be in just so I can talk to the women there just feels like it would make me a bit of a creep.
It probably didn't come across in my first message but I'm fine continuing to do my thing and just not date anyone. I was just pointing out that the advice "just go meet people" isn't really helpful.
Do you dislike doing them, or do you not know and just think you wont like them? I'm asking because I've been in the latter experience more times than I can count and ended up liking what I was doing. If you can find something that doesn't sound awful and you're willing to put in a bit of effort into learning/meshing with the activity, you won't come off like a creep who's only there to meet women.
You never know what you're going to like.
Plus someone has to do it, and they want to find someone just as much as you do.
I don't want to sound critical, but it seems as if you are trying to fish from the same spots you've never had any luck with.
I believe when people say to meet people through hobbies, they're typically meaning new hobbies. If you aren't finding any suitable partners within your horizons, looking more often probably isn't going to help. That's a sign that it's probably time to expand your horizons, do things you haven't before, try something you don't have an interest in, be uncomfortable, change your environment.
The world isn't hiding women from you, you are hiding from the women.
Psh, I ain't hiding from women, I'm hiding from everyone
This might be a wild idea but how do you feel about asking you friends, male and female, if they know of any single women and for them to set you up on some dates? A few are bound to know someone and something might come out of it (at the very least an amusing anecdote).
It’s a matter of perceived convenience and a low threshold I guess. A dating app needs you to be strong and put yourself out there once and after that you’re automatically presenting yourself to possible partners indefinitely. And you can do it from home. Less work, less anxiety, basically no effect when getting rejected because you don’t even know.
Nothing brings you back down to earth quite like dating apps.
Thousands of potential matches took one look and realized you were too amazing for them to have a chance, decided they'd rather swipe left than be swiped left on, or see the disappointment in your eyes when you met.
Pretty much all of the dating apps are owned by the same company and they're all a scam. They want your to pay to subscribe and then pay to boost your account or they're otherwise practically useless.