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submitted 11 months ago by Robustic to c/vegan@lemmy.world

I decided I would be willing to date a non-vegan since despite the conveniences and shared ethics of other vegans, it can be hard to find them in general, and maybe I could influence people positively, though probably without any expectation for them to go vegan (but still hoping society will move toward it one day anyway).

But online questions asking people (non-vegans) if they would date a vegan really shocked and surprised me when most of the answers were no, mostly for reasons of inconvenience and a fear of being pulled into veganism. This leaves me feeling like finding other vegans may be my only option after all. Is this somewhat accurate?

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[-] Robustic 12 points 11 months ago

Apologies for not being clear, I meant that I would hope just being vegan might subconsciously influence people to think about it, but I wouldn't hold any expectation or pressure them. It would be more of a hope that I have but I guess it wouldn't affect how I act or behave in any way. Is that still a deal-breaker?

[-] yenahmik@lemmy.world 16 points 11 months ago

To me it sounds like that hope could ultimately lead to resentment in the long term if they don't take on your values. You say it won't effect your actions, but it sounds more like you are lying to yourself about it's importance.

How would it make you feel if you started dating someone and they "hoped" you would eventually give eating meat a shot because it was something they valued deeply and they thought it might subconsciously influence you in that direction?

[-] Stanwich@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago

If I knew you had a constant hope for me to change it would be a huge NO.

[-] Synthead@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

You're saying that they don't need to "go vegan," but if they aren't doing it even slightly, then you're being disappointed by them. You might say you're not pushing anyone, but intentions will come out. At the very least, it's obvious that you have an agenda with it, so you might as well be with someone that aligns with your agenda.

Being vegan can mean many things, but ultimately, it's a lifestyle choice. Imagine if you were Christian instead, and you decided to date an atheist. And you weren't going to push them, but maybe you could influence them to be a little religious. You could pray at the dinner table, them joining optionally, of course (but greatly appreciated). Then for their birthday, you could give them a Bible, since they love to read.

There isn't anything wrong with being a vegan. I feel, however, that it is more than a personal practice to you, and you would be happiest with someone that is also vegan.

this post was submitted on 08 Dec 2023
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