God, where would I even begin? I hate almost everything about myself.

One big thing I cannot stand is how emotionally overreactive I am. When I get upset about something, I get so deeply and incredibly upset to the point where it doesn't even make sense. I feel things way too incredibly deeply and I hate it.

Another is that I endlessly frustrate myself by being lonely, but at the same time never putting myself out there to try to meet new people. But I hate new people and getting to know them. I only like people that I already know well.

And to top it all off, I made the mistake of letting someone get too close to my heart only for them to leave me. It's not even their fault because they are literally just my coworker...we weren't even friends outside of work. But I made the mistake of liking them and getting close to them. And if I can't even handle that with just a coworker, I don't know how I could ever put myself out there to be vulnerable for a relationship more than that knowing that they might leave me.

My insurance changes Jan 1st and I'm going to really try to give therapy a go this time around when I get my updated insurance info. I tried months back but quit after one session after seeing the price. Honestly I wonder if I need pills or something because I am just so incredibly frustrated with life and everything and I can't stop crying like an idiot.