Very fortunately, I now work from home in a job with basically zero interaction with anyone at all (it's great) so this mostly applies to casual social interactions at say, a grocery store. I have to say though, using your suggestion in this context is actually hilarious and would be super gratifying.

This is what bugs me about chosen pronouns, it's like a right someone has to tell other people how to use language, that can get complicated and needs memorization. People should have leeway on the words they use, even if they shouldn't be making unwanted assertions about other peoples gender. Would be better to just have a set of genderless pronouns that are always polite/safe to use.

or just refer to people as ma'am/sir, and if they get offended it's their problem

It's not so much about offending someone (and yes, people absolutely do sometimes get aggressively upset about it) and more about attempting to change my own mental habits. I believe like race, sexual orientation, and politics, gender is a personal topic that doesn't really need to enter into a casual, never to be repeated interaction between two people. You don't say "excuse me, old person," based on your perceptions of another's appearance. Why is gender any different? It certainly isn't an objective concept or one that can be readily or factually assumed. It's outmoded and unnecessary.

Also, as I commented earlier, if I am using what I mean to be a term of respect to make someone else feel confident and comfortable, and through my language I risk doing the opposite, why would I want to do that if it's something I can personally change?

I mean, isn't that exactly what you just used? They/them are genderless pronouns that can be used for both plural and singular subjects. If you don't know someone's gender, it's already what people default to.

Like, "They're sending someone over at 3, but I don't know when they'll get here." Or, "That person? Nah, I don't know them." Or, "Whose is this? Is it yours? Is it theirs?"

When people first started yelling about having to be polite about genders I always found it odd how they'd angrily refuse to use the neutral pronouns already in English, while using those same pronouns in their own sentences without really realizing it.

Maybe I've just spent too long arguing with aholes on the internet but to me calling someone "friend" comes across as very sarcastic and condescending

Edit, it's like calling someone you don't know "buddy" or "pal"

Fair enough! I do use it pretty frequently. I would really like it if someone said that to me, so maybe it isn't as impolite as I perceive it. Thanks.

At one point, people thought we had gone too far because they weren't allowed to say the N word anymore.

Sir and Ma'am are only respectful if the person hears it as such.

Not all people identify with the two-gender labels. For instance, I'm genderqueer, and I'd feel very dysphoric if someone told me "ma'am."

I agree.

This world is going to hell in a wokebasket if people start thinking about what comes out their fucking mouth.

/s, cos you never fuckin know nowadays.

They don't feel bad for using those terms, they feel bad about using them on someone incorrectly. There's nuance here that is lost on those who struggle to grasp the difference and phrasing things as if we're being forced to stop using them or "delete them from our vocabulary" is counterproductive.

I don't think it is univerally okay to make assumptions about someone's personal identity before you know it. I am happy calling someone sir or ma'am after I know their gender identity. But in a casual interaction between strangers, there is no need for it at all and it is just an ingrained and outdated social convention that I personally am striving to move past.

I really like this take and love it when I come across it in media.

I feel like we made many terms much more gendered than they were before. If I'm hanging with a mixed group and I say "hey guys" towards the whole group "guys" is being used as a genderless, inclusive term.

I personally feel that in everyday casual conversation we should focus on the intent of what's spoken and not get into the minutia of the terminology. Sir/ma'am are terms of respect and the underlying message behind them is respect. If a person accidentally misgendered someone while using them, it doesn't negate the intended respect.