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Warren "all you can eat" Buffet
(midwest.social)
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
As someone that's shot a few squirrels for tying flies with, I'd just buy the damn tails. Squirrels are filthy little beasts and have a pile of parasites that crawl off them when they're dead.
You evil bastard. How could you? They're so cute!
They can be destructive fuckers. And, little known fact, red squirrels are the largest predator of juvenile rabbits.
Tasty, tasty rabbits.
"There's only one way to eat a brace of connies."
A squirrel tore up one of our lawn chair cushions to make its nest. Little piece of shit. Then bits of lawn chair stuffing blew all over the neighborhood that winter.
I was wondering why I wasn't getting telemetry from my watering bowls and started tracking down the issue. I had leaned a pole with a LoRa antenna up against a tree, and one of the little bastards chewed the line through in about a dozen spots. If they get in the soffet of a house they'll tear all the insulation out, then store thousands of spruce cones in there, making a lovely fire hazard.
Hate them almost as much as mice.