That's the thing, they think it is genuine. They think they are "seeing the person on the other side of the screen" and we are failing to do the same. Any time I ever see anyone trying to remind the person they're talking to to "remember the human" it's always someone insisting on "humanity for me, not for thee."

They just flatly aren't understanding that we've seen plenty of people in their position before, and seen those people get better and improve, and examine their own beliefs critically.

I've seen this exact thing in plenty of local organising (and in myself). The guy who encourages us to vote for the "least bad" candidate in bourgeoisie election and discourages others from reading or actively doing anything they find uncomfortable because it "won't help." Finding some excuse as to why their way of doing this is the only correct one, and when they receive pushback, it is always just "people talking past each other" even when it's literally everyone else in the room telling them that they understand their position, but their position is not an acceptable one to have.

It's always a comfortable middle class white guy doing it as well. Someone so used to eating up all the oxygen in the room that they just flat out aren't even aware that they are doing it.

And yeah, their constant insistence that we are "friends" is just code for "This conversation is challenging my pre-concieved notions and making me feel uncomfortable, so stop doing that." but again, they don't seem to realise that we've seen this before, and know how bullshit they're being.