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this post was submitted on 27 Apr 2024
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I killed my dog. I adopted him at 6 years old at the shelter. He was incredibly abused, malnourished and pitiable. That's not why I adopted him. Honestly, I didn't adopt him. He adopted me. My kids and I had spent all day at the shelter looking for a dog to adopt, and hadn't found any dog that fit with us. The last dog that we were going to see that day was a terribly skinny black chihuahua who was absolutely terrified of all people. The shelter staff told us that he would immediately curl up in the farthest possible corner and that we shouldn't approach him, as he would bite. So the kids and I of course accepted that and settled together on the stone bench in the visiting room. They brought the dog in, who was visibly shaking and terrified. They let him off his leash and left the room. I knew there was nothing we could do to make him comfortable so we started talking about some school stuff and generally just ignoring him.
Suddenly I felt a weight on my lap. I looked down, and this tiny shaking dog was on my lap just looking up at me. I slowly approached him with my hand and he let me pet him. He licked my hand and just looked at me with those trusting eyes.
I didn't adopt that dog, he adopted me.
Fast forward 10 years, and he was spry as fuck at 16 years old. We moved states and he loved where we moved. We went hiking, we went to teh beach, we saw waterfalls, we saw all sorts of things. He would leap for joy all the time, he knew I loved him, and I knew he loved me.
One day in spring last year, he stopped eating. He stopped pooping and just... shut down. I could not get him to eat or drink or anything. I took him to the vet and the prognosis was that they could maybe prolong his life for a few months, but it would be intrusive and frankly, from the description, absolutely awful for him.
I thought about having the vet put him to "sleep" but I didn't like that either. He didn't deserve to be injected with strange drugs in a strange place by strangers. I chose to take him home, give him a rather large dose of xanax and smother him with my hand while telling him what an amazing boy he was.
I killed my dog, and I don't regret it. He knew how much I loved him from the first time he saw me to the last time.
I'm really sorry for your loss. The worst thing about pets is that we usually outlive them. I've had to lose two dogs now, both thankfully making it to 14. I rescued them when they didn't have a loving home and gave one to them. When I did take them to the vet and had them put down, it was incredibly difficult and heartbreaking but one had issues like yours and the other just gave up on life and was ready to go. I miss both of them terribly, but you and I did it because we loved them. She did it because she's incapable of love.
Edit: Also, what the fuck is wrong with the six people (so far) who have downvoted you for telling a heartfelt story about losing a dog you loved? Shame on all six of you.
I think it's the smothering that's bringing in the downvotes. A shot to the back of the head would have been more humane.
Oh shit, I just re-read it. I think I misread 'smothering' as 'stroking' and thought he just let the dog die of a Xanax OD. I wouldn't call that the most sensible way to euthanize a dog, but I doubt it would have been too terrible as a way to go out. But to smother it as well? Never mind, shame on OP.
He was entirely insensate, and was effectively sedated. I don't own a gun, and gently smothering him was the only thing I could think to do without causing pain. I'm sorry you feel that way.
You don't know that you didn't cause him any pain just because he appeared to be sedated enough.
Absolute psychopathic behaviour.
“Ooo cant let the vets put sCaRy ChEmiCaLs into my literally dying dog. ill just SMOTHER HIM TO DEATH. Thats a much better way to go.”
edit. Also, “strange chemicals” and then gives his dog xanax. Dude. Really. You swapped chemical A for chemical B. Crazy mental gymnastics.
Yes, maybe in a nearby gravel pit.