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this post was submitted on 02 May 2024
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Chapotraphouse
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He is trying his best to get to single digits approval rating
He's trying to beat Richard Nixon for least blue electoral map.
The old reverse-Mondale
I was half joking when I said he was gonna lose by a margin that would make Ford feel better
I'm not really joking at this point
"Mr. President... Um... Ah... I strongly suggest you do not wear those shorts to the Almost Summer Get Out the Youth Vote! rally."
"I know - I know. Some of my aides think it's not presidential for me to show my bare old legs to America. But the old dogs are like me. They need some sun and I want reach out to the young folks and they show lots of skin. Trust me - I look at them. A lot. Tan. Firm. Young. Soft. Tan. Very tan. The tan girls with their taunt young sweet—"
"We feel your American flag shorts are are not appropriate."
"I heard all the complaints. But America needs me. She needs me. And I need her. I love America. We all gotta love America. Like we did before. Before. You. know. when? Strom Thurmond as a man... was a man..." he trials off into unintelligibility and gibberish for about 10 seconds. He snaps back "He loved America too!"
"We also feel beyond the flag problem there's another problem... It's a delicate problem... I don't know how to... What I mean—"
"Get to the point. Speak clearly. Out with it. Now."
"Well... They look like... diapers."
The next day the president goes out in his flag diaper shorts and with literally less than a minute #BidenFlagDiapers has been created. By the end of the hour it's trending. Within about a week Biden's poll numbers have fallen 10% and pundits are demanding an immediate reboot to save his dying campaign.
real product btw
~~Man up.~~
Biden up.
Biden in American flag chubbies is not an image I needed
rolls 1d4 for psychic damage
And then he goes into the Lincoln Bedroom for a nighty-night tryst with the First Lady - if you know what I mean.
NSFW / NSFL
Jill purrs as President Daddy takes out his enormous, prehensile cock—I tried but I couldn't go there. Too Biden. Too strong. Too much. I could blackout.
Flashbacks to the finger bite intensify
Let's not go there. Okay?
Dark Brandon entered the chat
See that's why I do all my imagining in cartoon vision unless otherwise specified
New dem strategy: get approval rating to negative, causing underflow and instantly getting 100% approval
First president with 2147483647% approval!
"Listen, Jack, I'm clipping out of bounds to skip the convention level"
"To explain my election strategy with 0.5x A presses, we must first talk about parallel universes"