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Fatherly hazing
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 07 May 2024
1114 points (97.7% liked)
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People who think they know everything don't ask questions. Asking questions is part of critical thinking.
Guess who think they know everything?
Who asks questions? The ones that feel safe asking them.
The ones that get set up and embarrassed? They learn to never ask anything because they'll get laughed at.
These types of light hazing are actually trying to lower the stakes. The greybeards get to tell the stories of when they were young and dumb going on snipe hunts. we all make mistakes, developing the ability to laugh at YOURSELF is important. Its an inoculation against embarrassment. If someone is so prideful that they cant stand to ever be wrong, when the make a mistake that matters, they will try to hide it and that is when things go from bad to worse.
They will hide mistakes when mistakes are not accepted. When they will be punished or laughed at for making mistakes. So which parent will kids trust? The one that sets them up to be embarrassed? Or the one that is safe to approach?
There are plenty of mistakes in life, you really don't need to set up your kids to make even more. All you're teaching your kid is that they can't trust you, to whatever degree.
I need you to hold this spark plug wire for me for a second.
JFC. You're minimizing actual abuse and trauma.
This, it's the taking it to extremes that's making people down vote.
There's a large difference between some light ribbing with friends/family and someone being an abusive ass.
I have a good friend who can be very easily triggered by any sort of joke that could potentially be taken as an insult. I am very sure it's because his parents and older siblings were assholes to him growing up, but also partially he hasn't seemingly grown/learned to not take himself so seriously all the time.
Here's an example of a funny situation that he had extremely negative reaction to, we were having a daily short meeting where we clap at the end as a group (like 12 or so people total) and he walks up right at the end of the meeting and says, "I came just in time to catch the clap." Laughter ensues. Feelings are hurt and I then spent my lunch break talking him down from his anger/resentment for the group members and explaining how while yes it's sorta on him because of his poor wording, it was legit funny and people laughing about it isn't an insult, he could have laughed along when he realized what he said.
The problem was two fold, he didn't understand why it was funny, and he thought people were laughing AT him. Was it ABUSIVE HAZING? not at all
Wow that's an extreme generalization lmao
I shouldn't bother engaging with you either. You throw around the word abuse, when talking about a joke regarding striped paint, I honestly dont know where to start with that kind of mentality. Here I go anyway. Constant insults can be abusive, yes. Belittling a child is abusive, absolutely. Striped paint or left handed screw drivers are not that. I am actually raising kids, I am there for them when they need it. When they are in a stable place, I push them to grow. Sometimes that means going a bit farther on our hikes, sometimes it means sounding out the word themselves, or working out the math problem for themself, and sometimes it means pushing them to handle their emotions better. Sometimes it means learning to take a joke.
You're getting down voted but you're not wrong. This was me until high-school. Luckily I had a couple really good teachers who always said there was no such thing as a stupid question as long as you're asking genuinely and backed it up by giving genuine answers even in unrelated topics. Helped me grow confident and love to learn. I was never a dumb student just had a lot of anxieties and self esteem issues.
I understand a bit of chiding and light hazing can also help but it should never be overly mean and it shouldn't be a blanket technique. Some people just work differently.
Yeah the downvotes are quite surprising.