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this post was submitted on 06 Jun 2024
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Hello, I'm your boss. Saw you on your phone during your break in the video feed.
You've been asking for a raise for years. Unfortunately, you're a really good performer, always on time, good worker, and I've never heard anything negative that I could base my decision to deny your raise on. So I watched the video feed to find the most minuscule thing that I can pinpoint as a "problem". I was about to tell you that drinking water on the job significantly decreases your performance, but that post you made on your break is now going to be my reason. Screw you. I love money!
Sincerely, your favorite boss
Hey boss,
Not sure what got into you. Given that we have literally hung out after work playing tabletop games and getting wasted, and I was planning to go to your wedding in September. Thought we were buds.
Anyway guy down the street offered me more money. So going to be working there now. Best of luck without the millions of dollars I made you last year and finding someone with my skillset.