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this post was submitted on 08 Jul 2024
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Obviously you don't need to do anything you aren't comfortable with, but there are lots of ways of having sex without worrying about having a kid. And plenty of people engage in serious relationships with the mutual understanding that they won't have kids. Just putting it out there since it sounds like you are internally conflicted. I want to give you permission to seek love if you want to. It doesn't have to look a certain way.
All of those ways are gambles. I have a friend who swam through a vasectomy. Also trust is beyond me, which is as good a reason as any for me to avoid personal relationships. I can and have been fooled several times by people who came across as completely trustworthy. That's okay if it's dude stealing my money and not giving me the promised drugs. It's not okay where my most important ethical concerns lay.
For me, love is no better than being certain my responsibilities are taken care of. I'll take care of me and my dog, and make sure to never make any new kids have to go through what's been done to me.
I hope you find a way to open up and trust someone. I hope you find someone that makes you want to trust. It sounds like a very lonely and damaging way to live. Maybe you should look into therapy. It sounds like you have a lot of hangups from your past and have projected them into irrational assumptions about the people around you. Good luck, friend!
It's the people around me who caused these things. The sample size is big enough. I won't find a way to trust. That's okay though. I don't need it. What I need is to be left alone.