"If elected, I promise to put an end to this excruciating bullshit we collectively torture ourselves with every 4 years" would be a pretty appealing platform if nothing else for its novelty if it were coming from less of an odious ghoul

Like fuck it, put the handsome generals in charge or make Janet Yellen the Moderate Supreme Leader or whatever and we can all come together and agree that our bourgeois democracy is a complete sham