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Plant for very dark bathroom (no window)
(slrpnk.net)
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You might have been joking, but this is the best answer. All plants need a decent amount of light, so they either need a grow light or rotating out. Or just get a plastic one instead and save the poor thing a life of misery.
Observational humor. lol. Was definitely serious, though. I have a similar windowless bathroom that has proven to be quite inhospitable to every low-light plant I've tried to put there.
I replied before your edit, so now I look like I can't read!
I had some artificial plants that were so convincing that it was a struggle to get people to stop watering them.