Report Finds You Should Get To Retire After, Like, 6 Years Working Full-Time Job

LOS ANGELES—Calling the findings of its comprehensive survey of American workplace practices “total bullshit,” the Institute for Research on Labor and Employment issued a report Monday concluding that you should be able to retire after, like, six years of working full time. “We evaluated the data around current U.S. employment rates, and our research shows that it’s basically crazy that we have to waste our whole damn lives working before we can retire,” said report co-author Sarah Middleton, who explained that six years is actually a really long time and that it sounds like more than enough labor for one person. “Our research found that people have to work and stuff or else nothing would get done, but anything more than half a decade or so seems cruel and excessive. That has to be hundreds of hours of work, right? And after consulting with experts across the field, we determined that six years was a totally reasonable amount of time to pay your dues before you get to kick back and chill. After that long, people are so broken down they barely contribute much anyway, so this seems like a good compromise. Maybe if you’re part-time you work 10 years or something. I mean, when are people supposed to do things that they like? We heard that’s how they do it in Europe already anyway.” Middleton confirmed that the findings were based on a full-time workweek of five-hour days, four days per week.

“Being an employee of The New York Times was one of the most shameful, useless things I’ve ever done in my life,” said longtime columnist David Brooks, noting that while he had continually applied to work at The Onion over the years, he had been promptly rejected every time. “Compared to the editorial staff at The Onion, my intellectual faculties are that of a cockroach, and I wish I’d never tried to compete with what is so clearly a superior newsroom filled with brilliant, brave reporters who have a moral conviction I wholly lack.”

"My entire career has been a waste,” Brooks added. “I’ve spent decades of my life writing the most pathetic drivel here every day and never gotten a single story right.”

I pitched Mother Jones back in the day. It's in the book, but I obtained evidence that the former governor of Michigan and his top officials just deleted their phones right before the launch of the Flint criminal investigation—kind of a big deal—and they asked me, is there a Trump angle to this?

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When I say it's a disaster, that's not to be dramatic. I'm telling you, the water is still bad. It's not as bad as it was in 2016, but you have brown water coming out, you have smelly water in many homes. Residents are showing rashes they're still getting. Residents are still losing hair. And from a just a plumbing and engineering perspective, it's common sense. Ten years later, they have not replaced all the damaged pipes. If you haven't replaced the damaged infrastructure that was badly corroded by essentially acid water, it doesn't matter if the water coming through is as clean as if Jesus blessed the water from the plant. If it's going through busted pipes, shit's going to peel off.

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With that said, the people of Flint were overjoyed to vote for Democrat Gretchen Whitmer and Democrat Attorney General Dana Nessel because those two ran on Justice for Flint. Gretchen Whitmer ran on opening up the water stations that the Republican governor had shut down. That's where the residents got free water. The Attorney General said that the investigation before her was basically incompetent. Well, my reporting shows she fired those prosecutors. They were building a case against the Republican governor for involuntary manslaughter. You mentioned murder. They were building a case against a governor—this would have been a historic event for involuntary manslaughter, because he knew about the deadly Legionnaires’ outbreak and did not notify the public. She fired them, and she sabotaged the investigation, I believe, so they couldn’t follow the money.

But the bottom line is, Republicans caused this, and Democrats, it seems, are helping to sweep it under the rug.

A metaphor that I've been using in Covid arguments with types is that the Republicans may have poisoned the well, but the Democrats are still insisting that we drink from that poisoned well. I forgot it's not always a metaphor!

https://theonion.com/hurripain-in-the-ass/

https://theonion.com/my-way-or-the-fairway/

I guess this is Dorf?

Montgomery’s situation is only one of many across California, and the nation writ large, in which an individual’s health is in jeopardy as a result of the machinations of a little-known species of health care corporation: pharmacy benefit managers (PBMs).

Ostensibly, as their lobbyists contend, the role of PBMs is to bargain with drug manufacturers for discounts and rebates, then furnish the drugs to insurance plans and pharmacies while passing on the negotiated savings — and taking a cut for themselves. PBMs also determine an insurance plan’s “formulary,” i.e. the medications made available to people on a certain plan. The reality is that PBMs, far from mitigating drug costs, leverage their middleman position to dictate the price and availability of prescription medicines, extracting fees and engineering transactions to their advantage. At the end of the chain, adverse financial and health effects are inflicted on everyday people.

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California has long been notable for its comparatively lax regulatory stance towards PBMs — a gap that state lawmakers had planned to address when, in late August, they passed Senate Bill 966. The bill was coauthored by Democratic State Senators Scott Wiener and Aisha Wahab and backed by a coalition of professional associations and patient rights advocates, including the California Pharmacists Association, the National Community Pharmacists Association and Unite for Safe Medications. SB 966 would have instituted the first medical licensing requirements on PBM operations in the state and bolstered transparency and accountability measures. Passed in the State Senate with resounding bipartisan assent, it then went to the desk of Gov. Gavin Newsom — who, just as advocates had feared, vetoed it.

I'm not sure I agree with the premise that automatic license-plate readers are "AI," but shit is fucked:

Spencer and the other Regal customers found themselves in the middle of a controversial business practice that utilizes A.I. surveillance technology and exploitative tactics in order to target drivers for simply parking at the garage. They aren’t the only ones to have been targeted, either. Around the country and the world, more and more parking companies are quietly installing automated license plate readers—ALPRs—in their lots and using them to track clients, and, in some cases, send out fines the way ABM is doing at the Regal City North parking lot.

While the tech is annoying and even scary when used to send out unexpected parking fines, it’s an indicator of a much larger problem surrounding A.I. and its increasing intrusion into our private lives—one that could even be weaponized against marginalized communities like women, trans people, people of color, and undocumented immigrants.

ABM is now one of at least six parking companies facing a class-action lawsuit for allegedly violating the 1994 Driver’s Privacy Protection Act. The law was passed in response to the murder of actress Rebecca Schaeffer, whose killer hired a private investigator to track her down using her license plate number, and limits who can access vehicle registration information and use it to track people. But it’s full of loopholes, and may not be sufficient to protect customers’ privacy, according to experts.

. . .

The fight to prevent private companies from using ALPR data to track vehicles has implications beyond parking fines. Landlords and homeowners associations have also begun using ALPRs to track who is coming and going in their buildings, which could lead to discrimination against tenants based on who they associate with, among other problems.

Also, by selling ALPR location data directly to law enforcement, private companies allow their customers to bypass the need for a search warrant. This could be especially threatening for people traveling through multiple states who face persecution from the law, like people who need abortions, or undocumented immigrants. (The Electronic Frontier Foundation and the American Civil Liberties Union have both expressed concern that state law enforcement could go after citizens who seek abortions in other states using similar techniques.)

https://theonion.com/ive-got-a-bad-feline-about-this/

https://theonion.com/unloading-at-college/

Judge Delays Trump’s Sentencing Until Nov. 26, After Election Day

The decision by Justice Juan M. Merchan means voters will be left in the dark about whether the former president will face time behind bars.

. . .

“This is not a decision this court makes lightly but it is the decision which in this court’s view, best advances the interests of justice,” Justice Merchan wrote in the four-page ruling, which noted that “this matter is one that stands alone, in a unique place in this nation’s history.”

The judge appeared eager to skirt a swirl of partisan second-guessing in the campaign’s final stretch. A delay, he wrote, “should dispel any suggestion that the court will have issued any decision or imposed sentence either to give an advantage to, or create a disadvantage for, any political party.”

Excerpt

In his role as a founder and CEO of the new firm, Wohl uses the name “Jay Klein,” according to the former employees and emails obtained by POLITICO. Burkman uses the pseudonym “Bill Sanders,” the former employees said.

LobbyMatic, whose website does not list any company leadership, temporarily signed up at least three brand-name clients: Toyota, consulting firm Boundary Stone Partners and drug company Lantheus, according to two of the former employees.

Running their new firm under pseudonyms appears to be the latest instance of shady behavior by a pair of convicted fraudsters who’ve become infamous in Washington for various schemes. Now, they are seizing on public exuberance around the promise of AI to transform the workplace — in this case, on K Street.

Two of the former LobbyMatic employees resigned after learning of Klein and Sanders’ true identities, while the other two learned only after they had left the company. The first worked for LobbyMatic for only a month, and the other three worked for the company for several months.

“Jay/Jacob was out of touch with reality,” said one of them. “Working for them you knew you were never getting the full story and were often left trying to find the truth. If I had to sum up my work experience for them, I would describe them as living with their head in the clouds and in a false reality.”

https://theonion.com/yahweh-or-the-highway/