SCH404: Weirdness Not Found

"What the hell is this?" I hear you ask. "This looks like the ordinariest ordinary thing that ever ordinaried."

Here's a hint, by way of a magnet.

The Schrade SCH404 is indeed one of those from the burgeoning, but still uncommon, sector of ceramic bladed knives. But unlike the cheapie translucent ones that Amazon perpetually refuses to ship to your location, this one has a zirconia ceramic blade with this attractive obsidian finish.

The SCH404 is very old and thus very discontinued. So much so that it's actually pretty tough to find any info on it online. It's also one of those things that perfectly illustrate how us spacemen are already living in the future, but we're so numb to everything nowadays that the mere presence the advanced wondermaterials it's made out of -- things unfathomable to an observer from, say, fifty years ago -- now just feel like they're old hat.

And this was an inexpensive entry level knife in its day, not even remotely premium.

But despite its age, the SCH404 still has quite a few modern aspects about it. Like like the deep carry pocket clip, highly textured G10 scales, and slick single sided liner design. These are all highly desirable hallmarks of current EDC knives. Just in this case also including a blade made of a weird nonmetallic material.

For a start, this is a very light and compact knife. It's only 48.7 grams or 1.72 ounces -- that's actually 2.4 grams lighter than a Benchmade Bugout. It's just 3-3/4" long closed, 6-1/2" open, and sports a 2-3/4" long blade made of that groovy glassine ceramic. I think the only way to go lighter per displacement would be to pay a lot more and pony up for the likes of, say, a Böker Anti Grav.

The SCH404 is pretty thin overall as well. It's 0.346" thick not including the clip, with its lack of bulk in both dimensions and weight combining to make it very easy to carry. The ceramic blade is 0.80" thick.

Actually, let's talk about that blade.

Ceramic blades like this one are typically billed as "forever sharp." The zirconia ceramic material is incredibly hard, falling somewhere between 8.5 and 9 on the Moh's scale and thus much harder than steel. It resists abrasion to an incredible degree, and is essentially completely immune to the inherent abrasiveness of cardboard, sisal rope, leather, and even wood.

The glossy obsidian surface is a veritable beacon for fingerprints but not, it must be said, scratches. There is very little that can truly scratch the surface of the SCH404's blade. Basically only sapphire, diamond, and tungsten carbides -- all things you're unlikely to be trying to slice with your pocketknife on a daily basis.

But the material is also very brittle, and the thinner it is the more brittle it gets. Thus a ceramic knife like this chips near-microscopically rather than dulling via abrasion or the edge getting rounded down like a typical steel knife. It's also not a good idea to put any torsion on it at all, because the material would be prone to just snap.

And I know what you're thinking. No, this knife will not sail through a metal detector. The liner, clip, and screws are all made of plain old steel. So forget it. Only the blade and scales are nonmetallic.

It's a very good thing these come preground, because they are functionally impossible for a hobbyist to properly sharpen. Yes, you can theoretically do the job with resin bonded diamond stones but the process is arduous and difficult, and the penalty for failure is high. My example is very lightly used, so I can only imagine these tiny imperfections in the edge came from the factory. The SCH404 is not quite shaving sharp although it glides through paper and cardboard quite easily still. That's just as well, because if it were truly dull I probably wouldn't be too keen to do anything about it.

I dig the subtle refractive rainbow effect of the light playing off of the texture in the edge like a starling's wing. The SCH404's blade really is stunningly beautiful. The flat of the blade is literally mirror polished, to the point that it casts reflections. The machine marks, meanwhile, sparkle in the light. It's like waving a black diamond around.

The edge is also fortunately exactly mathematically true. As it bloody well ought to be, given all of the above. If it weren't, good luck trying to correct it.

So, I mentioned the Böker Anti Grav earlier, and I did that on purpose. That's because I suspect, but cannot prove, that this knife was actually OEM'ed by Böker using much of the same equipment, material, and template.

What clues me in is this highly distinctive five-holed spanner nut on the pivot, which is suspiciously reminiscent of the one on the Anti Grav and its sibling, the Anti MC. If so, that's huge -- that makes this an incredible poor man's version of that knife, especially considering that the former retails for about $195 nowadays. The main thing you're lacking is the zooty carbon fiber or titanium scales, but for the end-of-life retail cost of around $15 on this thing I'll sure take the $180 discount. So if that's true, there's the other half of the oddity surrounding this knife. We'll probably never know for sure.

I bothered to take a macro photo of the SCH404's model number etching, so I'm going to show it to you and nobody's going to stop me. Here it is.

Size wise, the SCH404 falls firmly into the compact category. It's basically the size of a Mini Bugout. Compared to the usual CQC-6K, there, it'll ride thoroughly unnoticed in your pocket.

The Inevitable Conclusion

You can't buy the SCH404 anymore, so there wasn't much point in me yammering on about it. But it's the only folding ceramic knife I own these days so it's the one you got.

Ceramic knives like these -- in their pocket knife incarnations, anyway, and not as the fairly ubiquitous cheap white kitchen knives -- shine for basically one and only one purpose. If your workflow involves cutting a lot of cardboard in a day, something like this absolutely will save you from endless resharpenings or having to go through box cutter blades like popcorn.

Like many things in my collection, both those I've shown you and ones I haven't gotten around to yet, the SCH404 is a bit of a relic. It's a peculiar combination of materials, construction, and price point we're not liable to see the likes of again. At least, not for what it cost when it was available.

I'm almost feeling like I'm being personally called out, here.

This is the "TZGUO" model Q19. As I'm sure you're getting tired of me telling you, both the brand and the model on this thing really don't mean much; you can find this and many of its near identical siblings wherever Chinese white-box goods are sold, under a near infinite array of names and non-brand monikers. This particular instance came from Amazon, hence the unpronounceable five letter combination. The fact that it sneakily violates the "no balisongs on Amazon" rule is just delicious icing on the cake of overt cheekiness. You can also find these all over AliExpress and probably Wish and Temu by now, too, where they're cheaper and you can score one for about $35. The search term you want is "titanium design balisong," apparently.

But never mind all that. Just check this thing out.

The Q19 is a balisong utility knife. It takes standard Stanley style trapezoid blades, as are readily available everywhere.

It has a spring loaded latch, too.

Does that remind you of a particular knife? It certainly reminds me of one... Mine!

Now, I don't think I've been scooped, here. Rather, I think this is a case of convergent evolution, as it were, with both myself and whoever is churning these things out arriving at some similar design conclusions for similar reasons.

And it turns out I like The Q19. I've actually been using it as my daily driver for about the past two weeks, which is why you haven't seen me blathering about much of anything else in the interim. And this will go a long way towards explaining the tape gunk stuck to the blade in some of these pictures.

The Q19 is, as implied by its product description, made of titanium. Well, a lot of it is, anyway. The handle scales and latch certainly are. A magnet reveals that the blade carrier and clip are actually steel. That's fine, and the combination of materials adds up to a total weight of 76.5 grams or 2.7 ounces exactly.

It's definitely more of an "EDC" size and not a competition sized knife, measuring out at 4-9/16" long when closed including the tail of the latch sticking out, and precisely 7" long when open with a typical blade installed. It's square in profile with flat sided handle scales, 0.416" thick not including the clip.

Said clip is a traditional design and rides in a little pocket machined into one of the handle slabs. Of course it's not reversible, with no matching pocket on the other side, because this is in accordance with the deeply rooted worldwide conspiracy among all balisong manufacturers everywhere designed specifically to annoy me in particular, wherein it is also on the wrong side of its handle.

Ahem.

Anyway, the heel of the blade contains a slotted screwdriver tip or, as it's described in the specs, a "pry bar." And the hook on the end of the latch functions as a bottle opener. The manufacturer is thus pathologically driven to bill this as a multi-tool.

Fair enough, actually. The tailhook does open bottles like nobody's business -- provided you manage to lever it the right way around, and don't try to use it backwards.

I spent some time trying to research what the Q19 is a knockoff of and ultimately came up empty. If anything, the closest I can come up with is the Artisan ATZ-1823PO, the now discontinued utility knife version of their Kinetic Tool thing. This certainly has a T shaped latch strongly reminiscent of the Artisan one, although that isn't spring loaded and this is. And the Artisan tool has that weird combination switchblade/balisong action which this certainly doesn't.

Annoyingly, then, the Q19 appears to be a more-or-less bespoke design that against all expectation actually turns out to be pretty good. Yeah, I'm just as surprised as you are. That's not how these things are supposed to go.

Its action is excellent, for a start. The titanium handles are fairly light but the Q19's balance is spot on, with the center of gravity remaining well inside the handles and not out in the blade carrier. The pivots exhibit no drag and are totally consistent in their nearly complete lack of friction throughout the entire range of travel. The rebound is pleasant and distinct, without setting up any vibrations or resonances in the handles. And thanks to having an extension spring driven design ripped off directly from Benchmade, the latch is held out and away from the handles at all times and can't strike either one during manipulation. It just feels good overall.

You would think that the bottle opener hook would make it snaggy as all hell but somehow it doesn't. The knife is thin enough and rides against your pocket tightly enough that it doesn't seem to cause an issue. The only real fly in the ointment I can see from a design perspective is the prybar tip sticking out of the end, which might get in the way if you're trying to do over-the-finger spin tricks. I guess if it bothers you, you could just grind it off. It's a $35 knife with no collector's value. Who cares?

Hier ist Der Viggletesten.

The Q19 scores favorably here, exhibiting very little wiggle and absolutely zero tap of the blade carrier against the insides of the handles.

Yes, this is a $35 knife wherein a significant portion of it is constructed of titanium, and it has ball bearing pivots. Nice ones, too. And the inside faces of the handles are pocketed for the bearings, so this wasn't a case of some existing design somebody just decided to slap bearings in and add $2 to the bill of materials. No, it was designed for them from the start.

Here's the latch spring mechanism, which is dead simple and suspiciously similar to that of the Benchmade Model 42 and subsequent knives. It will spring open from either the latched or unlatched positions if you give the handles a hearty squeeze together.

The Q19 also has a Zen pin design without the need for kicker pins to be pressed through the blade carrier. This is just as well, because every time you see kicker pins on a cheap Chinese knife they're invariably pressed badly. In this they're just basic straight pins with no shoulders or fancy features, but they sit acceptably square when assembled and don't cause any problems or weirdness.

You might think at first blush that installing or changing a blade in this requires tools, based on the two little Torx screws on the blade carrier. But those are a cost cutting measure, not a mechanical necessity; they obviate the manufacturer from having to machine a narrow slot into the blade carrier and instead allow it to be assembled out of two pieces which has got to make it much easier to manufacture. Rather, the nubs that engage the cutouts in the blade are actually mounted on a flexible prong, which you can pull down with the aid of a fingernail just far enough to allow you slide it in and out. If you're chicken you can still install a blade the hard way, by removing those two screws and the top plate. But that's not actually necessary.

Again, this is highly reminiscent of how I do it on all of my printed utility knives. Obviously great minds think alike.

The pivot screws have anti-rotation flats and the handle slabs do indeed have matching D shaped cutouts in them for once -- on all four of them, even. Thus undoing the pivot screws is easy provided only that you start reefing on it from the correct side. There is no visual indicator on either of the screw heads which is the male side and which is the female. But you'll quickly discover that the female side refuses to turn, which clue you in pretty quickly. The Torx head on that side is thus ultimately just decorative. You can install the pivot screws either way around depending on whatever suits your fancy.

The Q19 comes in a pretty nice woven-textured box, and I was surprised to find that it even comes with a nearly complete set of replacement hardware inside as well. It comes with a spare clip, too, which may be an addition prompted by the smattering of reviews on Amazon bitching about said clip breaking. But I can't prove it. To be fair it is only held down by one screw, so I imagine if you were truly hopelessly uncoordinated it's possible you could rip the clip clean off of the knife. Remember, kids: The clip is for carrying the knife on the inside of your pocket, not for dangling it out in the open off of your belt to get snagged on every damn fool thing you might happen to pass by.

You get two replacement assembly screws (all five are the same, including the one mounting the clip), one each of the male and female pivot screws, one spacer barrel, and a clip. You don't get a replacement spring, though.

It also comes with a box of "WYNNS" utility knife blades, so you don't even have to get on your bicycle and pedal down to the hardware store to get your own. These aren't great, exactly, even easily outperformed in edge retention by those in my cheapo 100 pack from Lowes. But they'll do to start with. Of course you can mount any Stanley style blade in this provided it's thin enough to go in the slot, including fancy composite edged or even the forever-sharp ceramic ones.

Oh, and the handle slabs are completely interchangeable so when I put it back together I swapped the bite side slabs, so I could put the clip on the correct goddamn side of the knife. I will begrudgingly re-award the points I docked for this originally, even though it should have come this way from the factory in the first place. Dagnabbit.

While we're flaunting that Benchmade Morpho, though, let's do our usual size comparison thing.

The Q19 is actually very similar in proportions to the Model 32, the smaller of the two Morphos. It's smaller than my Rockhopper balisong, although not for any mechanical reason -- I just designed the Rockhopper to be longer than it strictly needs to be for comfort purposes.

Open it's the same story, although both the Q19 and my Rockhopper's blade carriers are shorter overall than a normal fully steel blade probably would be.

The Inevitable Conclusion

This is pretty much the second coolest box cutter in the world. (The absolute coolest, of course, would be the one I designed. But I would say that, wouldn't I?)

In fact, the Q19 is way better in reality than it has any right to be. I can't find much of anything to complain about, really. It's actually built rather well, it's slick as all fuck, it has all the features, and the price is right, too.

Plus, I think it'd probably make a good introduction for anybody looking to get into balisongs. With a spring latch, titanium handles, and ball bearing pivots all in one package you really can't go wrong. And it's worth mentioning that it's significantly safer to be fucking around with than a normal live bladed balisong, for two reasons: One, you can just take the blade out of it if you feel like it. And two, even on the sharp "bite" side of the blade carrier, about a third of it has no edge exposed. Unless you're holding the handles really far down it's a fair bet you'll just whack the blunt part against your index finger rather than find yourself contributing an express blood donation.

Usually I spend all of my time with this type of thing damning with faint praise. Oh look at the little thing, it thinks it's a real knife, isn't that cute? But with the Q19, I can do no such thing.

It has all the hallmarks of crapness. It's a Chinese made, cheaply sold, generic and endlessly rebadged non-brand product that, for once, actually turns out to deliver 100% of what it promises. I'll be damned.

Okay, okay, this one is kind of a cheap shot.

Not just because this knife is cheap per se, although it definitely is: Only $6 at the moment. Rather, it's because I kinda-sorta posted it already.

But not really.

This knife has no real designation other than it's non-brand name, "Treszen(R)," and we are led to believe its model name is literally "EDC Pocket Knife." I have to wonder if that (R) there means whoever the hell is flogging these things on Amazon actually bothered to register their trademark in the US. Do you know, I'll bet you a nickel they didn't.

This knife bears more than a passing resemblance to one that I showed off in one of my very first Weird Knife Wednesday posts. That was the "SDOKEDC SD604A," and both that and this are very nearly clones of the Scorpiodesign Shapeshifter.

All three of the above are strong contenders for the king of knives that the uninitiated are guaranteed to never be able to figure out how to open. Just let motherfuckers find out you have one of these on you and they'll stop pestering you about borrowing your knife in a big hurry.

The action is this Rube Goldberg triple-jointed nonsense that achieves, at least according to the design goals of the Scorpiodesign original, a knife with an effective blade length longer than the handle is once it's deployed. If you find somehow that this was a void that absolutely needed filling in your life, well, here you go.

The product description goes on to describe it as, "Special Folding Method."

Yeah, that's for damn sure.

It doesn't really feature a lock as such, but when it's all folded out your grip on the handle forces the two halves to cam together, which effectively holds it open and prevents it from folding up on you.

The critical difference here is that the Treszen here is much, much smaller than its inspiration. Small enough that you realistically could actually carry it if you were so inclined, which means I like this incarnation a lot better than the others -- which, novelty aside, are entirely too large and doofy to actually keep on you. That's the SDOKEDC on the right, there, which is near as I can figure identical in dimensions to the original Shapeshifter. And on the left, the bog standard Kershaw CQC-6K.

The Treszen is 5-1/4" long when open and 4" long closed, which puts it well within the realm of actual EDC friendly sizes. It's also only 0.320" thick.

It's way slimmer than the SDOKEDC/Shapeshifter. It's about as thick as a Bugout, actually. But despite this, your EDC aspirations won't be helped in any way whatsoever by the complete lack of any kind of clip, lanyard hole, or even perfunctory ratty nylon belt pouch. You'll just have to let it slosh around in your pocket, I guess.

If it helps you any, though, it is extremely shiny.

That's because it is constructed entirely of metal. What kind of metal? Who knows. The best anyone can tell us is "high carbon steel." But because of this it weighs 61.3 grams overall or 1.16 ounces and feels denser in the hand than you'd expect. Its 2-3/16" blade has a drop point-ish profile that's not too weird to use for things, and is 0.096" thick.

The near mirror-polished surface is, of course, a complete magnet for both scratches and fingerprints. But damned if it doesn't give the thing an unexpectedly grown up vibe. This could, at least in dim lighting perhaps, pass for a gentleman's knife.

Playing with it is strangely satisfying, too. But that's only after you figure out the inherent fly in the ointment, which is that the tip of the blade by necessity pokes through one of the sections of the handle as a part of the opening process. And if you don't know this and you're not careful about it, it'll poke you, too.

I'll tell you what's not so elegant, though. The Treszen's build quality is actually kind of crap.

The edge grind features this rather hilarious chicane in it at the tip, for instance. I figure whoever had this on the grinding wheel must have sneezed right when they got to that part.

And but of course, the edge is gloriously out of true. At this rate, I would almost be disappointed if it weren't. For $6, would you really deprive yourself of the amusement, nay, sheer joy of spending an hour with your very best diamond stones bullying the edge back into shape?

To its credit, the Treszen actually does away with the ridiculous gaps between all the moving parts that the old SDOKEDC featured. Despite not actually being built that well in an objective sense, this helps in making it at least superficially feel quite a bit less naff. The main pivot where the blade slides down along its track is spaced out with these nylon washers, for instance, which probably help reduce the mechanism's friction from completely untenable to merely absurd, and also result in a fairly low amount of wiggle in the blade once it's deployed.

I was going to take the Treszen apart to show you this, but I'm ashamed to admit that, well... I can't.

That's because while it's theoretically held together with Torx screws, several of them are pre-stripped from the factory and some of the others are so malformed that they don't fit any driver I own. Just look at them. I have no idea how the factory even managed to assemble it.

The Inevitable Conclusion

I've never held a knife so crappy that I liked so much.

I don't even really know why. At the end of the day, the Treszen really isn't any more practical than its larger brethren despite being markedly easier to carry. There still isn't any way to describe its method of operation that does not somewhere include the words "deeply silly." And yet.

I can say one thing about it, though, which may also be a result of its German roots: It is categorically impossible to open with one hand. That's not a benefit anybody, except for someone who lives in a place where one-hand opening and locking knives are illegal. Like, oh, Germany. Just a thought.

Strange as it is, ridiculous as it is, I think it would take a indefensibly unreasonable leap for anyone to claim view the Treszen as a weapon. You can't call it anything more than a pennknife. Hell, a Swiss Army Classic is just about John Rambo's Bowie knife compared to this thing. It's so stupid that it's completely nonthreatening.

I mean, just look at him face. How can you not adore that?

It may in fact happen to transpire that I, too, have a type.

Actually several, probably.

Left to right, top to bottom:

• Kershaw CQC-5K 6074OLBLK
• Kershaw CQC-6K D2 Version
• Kershaw CQC-6K 8Cr Version
• Kershaw CQC-11K D2
• Zero Tolerance ZT0630
• Zero Tolerance ZT0620
• Kershaw CQC-4KXL D2

You know balisong knives, right?

I mean, you're here. So of course you do. Two handles, two pivots, and the blade in the middle...

No, not like that.

...This is the "CIZPIROK Double Edge Blade Folding Knife," which comes variously plus or minus the usual mantle of edc-gadget-gift-cool-folding-knives-for-men. It's one of those. You know how it is.

The CIZPIROK, quite aside sounding like somebody who just sneezed in Polish, I think is considerably more interesting once you don't consider it to address the question of, "How do you make a knife with two edges fold?"

I mean, that much about it is glaringly self-evident.

The 4-3/8" long double edged dagger blade is there, plain as the nose on your face. That's barely interesting at all.

Rather, I think it's better as an exploration of this: What if someone who had never seen one before set out to make a balisong knife, possibly by having one described to them over a bad telephone line, but happened to get one critical parameter absolutely wrong?

The CIZPIROK, you see, has all the elements of a balisong knife. It has two handles, drilled through with decorative and lightening holes. Just like a Benchmade Model 42, right? And it has two pivots at the heel, one for each handle, and it's even held shut by a reversible latch on the tips of the handles that can lock it both open and closed.

All the ingredients are there, but somehow despite starting with some ground beef and a bun, the chef wound up producing a flan. And it's just wobbling away on the plate, damned if he knows how it got there.

You can even, with a fair bit of practice, luck, and a following wind, manipulate it somewhat akin to a balisong knife. Though overall the experience feels mildly cursed.

But rotating the entire kit and kaboodle 90 degrees makes the whole thing decidedly uncanny, if you try to think of it in balisong terms. The CIZPIROK's major defining feature, other that what we've already covered, could best be summed up as "flat."

The two handle halves are unitary flat slabs of steel, rounded over on the edges, and with the entire thing painted black. It's 9-1/4" long open including the latch, and folds up to about 5-1/4". It's precisely 1/2" thick either open or closed, not including the pocket clip. Said clip is mounted very far down on the side of the knife and leaves a huge 1-1/4" or so of it sticking out of your pocket. But it doesn't get in the way otherwise, because it winds up in between the handle halves, trading places with the blade, when the knife is opened.

There's a "thumb" ring in the tail where the point of the blade winds up when it's closed. Calling it that is a bit of a stretch, really. The hole is a shade under 3/4" in diameter which certainly makes it much too small to get my thumb or index finger through, and failing that I can't find any other use for it.

The entire thing has a kind of techno-dirk vibe to it, a cross between one of those classic diver's knives and an OSS dagger. If this appeared in a movie the femme fatale would have it tucked in her garter, and the directors probably couldn't resist making her try to use it as a throwing knife.

Being entirely made of steel, it feels quite dense in the hand at 163.6 grams or 5.75 ounces. The blade purports to be made of 440C which is plausible. As for the country of origin? Go on, you'll never guess.

The CIZPIROK's sideways design automatically engenders some mechanical weirdness. The pivots are riveted together so nondestructive disassembly is, unfortunately, completely impossible. So much for that.

Running the axis of each handle through the blade would otherwise require making the heel of the blade really thick, which obviously hasn't happened. Instead, there are two of these H shaped plates, one on either side, through which the pivot pins go.

You would imagine that this would make it awfully hard to keep the entire assembly within square and resist torsion, and that's exactly right. When it's unlatched, the whole thing can wiggle pretty significantly.

But at less than $20, you weren't really expecting this thing to be machined by Swiss watchmakers, were you?

As such, close inspection of the details reveals all the places wherein the crudeness lies. Here's the tip, for instance, which is definitely capable of administering a poke but the finish has been rubbed off in the process of grinding the edges. It works, but is decidedly unrefined. The bevels have highly pronounced machine marks on them, plus all the usual other hallmarks of cheapness. They're all here.

So as is tradition for these types of things I'm positive the edges have been ground freehand, and they're quite out of true. But in this case there are four edge grinds to contend with rather than two, so it can be twice as whacked. What a bargain.

From the factory the grind doesn't even make it all the way to the point. But then, given the hyper budget construction and unknown heat treating quality, this may ultimately be for the best.

With its all black finish, double edge, and crossguard-eque side protrusions which are really more finger guards than anything else, the CIZPIROK postures itself with fighting knife aspirations. It's a little big for EDC duty but not excessively large.

And of course, it can posture just as much as it feels like. That doesn't make it so. Here in reality, I think you'd probably prefer something that's a little less tough to open in a hurry.

The Inevitable Conclusion

The CIZPIROK Double Edge is a fascinating case study in bonkers knife design, and probably serves as a good example of why we don't do it this way. It's novel for sure, but I'm not entirely certain the problem it's setting out to solve is one that actually needed solving.

But just the fact that it exists means you don't have to ask, "what if?" Here it is, in reality, where you can hold it. Now you know. How strange.

Our novelty cutlery train will now be departing according to its regular schedule. The conductor will come by to slice your tickets clean in half very shortly.

I admit I was absent last week, but that's because I was out perambulating upon my velocipede, whereupon I took this daguerreotype. (Knives carried on said expedition: My Leatherman Wave, Böker Rold, and HUAAO Bugout clone.)

But never mind that. Strap on those goggles, tie up that scarf, and doff your top hat for this.

I'm going to have to have a bit of a stretch and a warm up before I can rattle off its name. One moment please...

...

Roight. This is the "NLX 8'' Steampunk Design Lockback Pocket Folding Knife With Coated 420 Stainless Steel Blade. For Collection, Everyday Ccarry and Outdoor Activity Tool Knife (Damascus)." [sic]

It's obviously a novelty knife. But that probably doesn't matter much for the, shall we say, specific type of individual this is clearly meant to appeal to. You're already not listening to anything I say, are you? Ah, I see you've already put one in your cart.

The NLX Steampunker is tailor made to just complete that look for anyone who's already got a pair of brocade fingerless gloves, nine pocketwatches, and an impressive selection of waistcoats. It certainly has, to use the vernacular, an aesthetic.

Not an ᴀ ᴇ s ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ᴛ ɪ ᴄ, mind you. Although if anyone made a Vaporwave knife, unironically or no, I'd be the first to buy one.

No, this has an 𝖆𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖙𝖎𝖈, and it's one that's engraved on a brass plate in curly writing riveted to a mahogany door. An aesthetic that's wearing a tailcoat and smoking a pipe. It's a wonder it hasn't got anywhere to shovel the coal.

This is a lockback folding knife, and answers a question thus far unasked: "What if we put the lock springs on the outside?"

And so it does. Four highly visible extension springs are what power the lock bar.

This has the side effect -- no doubt intentional -- of leaving the lockback mechanism itself proudly displayed while you operate it. Right there out in the open, ready to get either packed full of lint or pinch an incautious fingertip, all in the true 18th century tradition. So if you've ever become overcome by burning curiosity about how a lockback knife works, well, here it is showcased and ready for inspection.

The springs are indeed fully functional and are not just visual frippery for the sheer joy of making the thing look like a Victorian light switch. They are truly what drives the action. They're easy enough to unhook with a small pair of pliers or nimble fingers, and when disconnected the lock bar is unrestrained and is free to flop around of its own accord. To help prevent this from happening without your input, each spring's eyelet rides in a small groove in its corresponding pin.

But if decorative frippery is what you want, the Steampunker has it in spades.

Clubs, hearts, and diamonds too, probably.

I am particularly fond of the shiny scrollwork medallion embellishing the middle of the handle. There's only one of those on one side, because there is indeed a clip on the reverse:

The Steampunker is all wood and "brass," and while there are a couple of variants of this knife mine is the "Damascus" version.

I'm having to use a lot of scare quotes here because a lot of things about the Steampunker are, that is to say, per se, in point of fact, actually fake.

None of the "brass" elements are actually brass, for instance. The bolsters, the clip, the liners, screws, and backspacer all have that brassy gold finish but a magnet sticks to them readily; they're steel underneath. And the filigree embellishment is definitely a casting and its done surprisingly well, but it appears to be made of zinc that's been electroplated with something.

We can, if you like, dredge up the old argument about whether or not modern pattern welded "Damascus" steels actually technically deserve to be called Damascus steel or not. (You're looking for the argument over whether or not a katana could cut a European sword in half? You're in the wrong room. That's three doors down the hall, to the left.)

But there's no question that the Steampunker's blade isn't regardless, because it's clearly just a painted-on pattern silkscreened over a plain steel blade. The dead giveaway is that the loops and whirls of the pattern fall into the fingernail nick and jimping notches and remain completely uninterrupted. Which they obviously wouldn't do if the steel were truly layered and these details were machined in afterwards.

Another clue might be that the "Damascus" pattern is exactly the same on every single example of these, just printed right on from the same template on each and every one. If you grab any random product photo of one of these off the internet, compare it to mine and you'll see the pattern is identical. The sole purpose of this sort of thing is precisely to look good in a catalog to anyone who doesn't know any better, in order to part them with their money.

The wood, at least, is genuine. That's not much of an impressive feature, though, because it is of exactly the same type of pedigree as the wooden scales on the souvenir pocketknife you'd find at a roadside gift shop right outside the National Park, the kind that's pre-engraved with every name in the world except yours. It's even stained in the same color, although to its credit it is nicely CNC routered with some grooves and scallops and a beveled finger notch on each side.

The clip is a traditional design and it is not repositionable. As above it is definitely steel and not brass, and it is mounted quite offset from the centerline. But its saving grace is that it's offset to the correct side for a right handed user, i.e. nearer to the rear seam of the pocket, and it pains me to say this but it actually draws very nicely with a pleasant feel and the right balance of tension and release.

I have a few knives worth hundreds of dollars with clips that I like less. So stick that in your mill and grind it, why don't you.

The Steampunker is definitely akin to a full sized knife. It's every bit of 8" long with a 3-1/2" drop pointed blade that's 0.110" thick and 1.041" across at its widest point which is at the root of the edge. There is a small almost-choil at the base of the edge followed by a ricasso that protrudes about 1/8". In total it weighs 128.7 grams or 4.54 ounces.

This is not, by any stretch of the imagination, a tactical knife. Towards that end there are no thumb studs, although there is a fingernail nick in the blade -- only on the side opposite the clip. But the lock springs are weak enough and despite its gimcrack appearance the Steampunker's action is smooth enough such that it actually is possible, with practice, to open it with one hand. Though only just.

The blade lockup is surprisingly solid both laterally and rotationally. Very little blade wiggle is present. In fact, the flexibility of the blade and very slight flexibility of the handles are the only notes I have to make. Despite these, there is no rattle within the actual mechanism.

The Steampunker's thickness measurement is compounded not only by the clip, but also by the springs. Without them the handles themselves are 0.465" in thickness. With the springs it bulks up to 0.779", and including both the springs and the clip adds up to 0.859" which was a measurement that was damn difficult to take.

There's very little else to say about the feature set. There is no spring assist or switchblade action; despite all the springs it's just a regular old folder. The backspacer does include a loop that can be used as a lanyard attachment point. The spine on the lock bar is very broadly jimped, and for some reason there's a superfluous hole in it, akin to the ones the spring mounting pins are pressed through but empty.

What with all springs and pins and greebles sticking out you'd expect the Steampunker to snag on every damn thing on the way out of your pocket but surprisingly, it doesn't. If you are truly incautious it's still possible to hook the springs on things inadvertently and if you're truly hopelessly uncoordinated it's not too difficult to knock of them off of their mounts in the process.

They're captive on the other end, though, each held in place with the head of a screw so it's not like they'll get lost if you do. And they're really not too tough to put back on, if it comes down to it. The lock will even still work with all but one of them disconnected, so you'd have to lose all four before anything dramatic happens.

The Steampunker shatters into what feels like about a hundred pieces when you take it apart. It's less complicated than it looks, although I do have one grievance to air out.

Here are both halves of the pivot screw. One is an ordinary Torx head (T8) but you'll notice the other side doesn't have a head at all; it's just a threaded tube with a tiny little lip around the end.

This sits nearly but not quite flush with the surface of the inner liner, and since there is no anti-rotation flat on it and every screw in this thing was threadlockered to hell and back, attempting to undo the pivot screw just causes the entire assemblage to spin in the hole. So getting the little blighter apart was a puzzle box I was not expecting to have to open today. You can see the aftermath of my grabbing it with pliers in the photo above. A soldering iron was also involved. I don't think it would have been too much of an ask for the manufacturer, whoever they are, to put a hex head or some wrench flats on it or something.

The Steampunker is largely held together with these three threaded barrels, which accept a screw on either side and once again do not have any anti-rotation features or engage with the liners in any mechanical sense. One of them is the pivot point for the lock bar and the other two go through the backspacer in the tail. All of them will merrily spin forever without fully releasing their screws unless you clamp them with something.

The clip has this little bit of scrollwork decoration on it, and on my example is already showing some rust spots. A visible indentation was left in the metal where it met the bending brake at the factory as well. It's easily the crudest part of the entire ensemble. I haven't decided yet if I'm motivated enough to pickle and re-electroplate it.

Earlier I said all the "brass" components on this knife weren't really brass. That's not actually true, as it happens, because the pivot washers actually genuinely are. Go figure. They're not ultra-refined or anything, but they get the job done and brass is a fair sight better than plastic. Or no washers at all, come to think of it.

Note also the "PRC" marking on the heel of the blade, which is the only inscription on the entire knife. Needless to say it is unequivocally made in China.

Here is the medallion from the handle. It's easily my favorite detail on the whole knife, which is why I keep harping on about it. The casting work is excellent and contrives somehow not to appear to be cheap, even though it unquestionably is. I don't doubt for a second that you could find this same part as a generic decorative finding somewhere, probably in purchase lots of a thousand units. The one curious thing about it is that it's mounted with the same M3 machine screws as used elsewhere in the knife, but they don't touch the steel liners and are just reamed straight into the wood.

It is deeply silly, with a $19 novelty piece like this, to enter into it with any kind of expectations whatsoever about the edge. My example arrived noticeably dull, with the crude edge grind illustrated here. Dull I can deal with, but those notches and chips in it are as it was delivered from the factory. I haven't used this knife to cut anything, and to be fair it's doubtful that I ever will.

The product description claims the blade is made out of "420" steel but does not specify which variant. It's possible, I suppose, to maintain some kind of whimsical faith that it might be as nice as 420J2, for instance. But I wouldn't hold your breath on that, because all you're liable to do is turn your face blue.

I would conjecture that the edge was ground by hand, given how it noticeably changes towards the tip.

Here's the essential truth of the matter, as it were.

As you can see, the edge angles are quite noticeably different from one side of the blade to the other. At this point I should quote some aphorism about price, but you've surely heard them all before.

The Inevitable Conclusion

I deeply respect the dedication that's caused you to read Neal Stephenson's The Diamond Age cover-to-cover seventeen times, I really do. But they still won't let you into the convention with any real edged weaponry about your person.

The NLX Steampunk knife may be silly, and it may be kind of impractical, but damned if it doesn't look cool. And that's what it's really all about, here. All the urchins and society ladies will see you strutting down the street and they'll say, "That chap right there, he is one anachronistic muthafucka."

You already know if you want one. You already know if you don't.

I was recently alerted to a new Wal Mart / Ozark Trail release by fellow user @cetan@lemmy.world, yet another in their line of Benchmade-eque crossbar locking folders. A mechanism which they've finally given a name, now calling it the "slide lock."

As you know, I'm pathologically drawn to this sort of thing like an idiotic moth to a bargain basement flame. Goodness knows I've already featured enough generic Chinese garbage on here to sink an entire container ship, and that's because I think inherent to these is a certain type of bent appeal. Plus, it's a lot easier (read: cheaper) for me to buy this kind of crap on a lark just to show you guys rather than whatever the latest big-ticket collectible du jour is.

So today.

Hmm...

There's been a minor scuttlebutt about this knife on the internet lately. Can you guess why?

Yes, it's because whoever Walmart is using as an OEM for these knives has come just about as close as you can get to ripping off the Benchmade Bugout as you can do without getting sued so hard your underpants spontaneously combust. At least for a stateside brick-and-mortar oriented retail product.

We've seen clones of this ilk before, of course, but they've always been the purview of nameless fly-by-night nonbrands relegated to grey market drop shipped online shopping; wretched hives of implicit mediocrity like Amazon, eBay, and Aliexpress.

But this isn't exactly anonymous. You can just walk into a major store and buy one. Easily, as it happens. Unlike the last few go-rounds with this type of thing, it seems Walmart has contracted whoever-it-is to make more than, like, twelve units of these. I didn't have to do any searching to lay my hands on my example because my local store had about 30 of them in stock. And Walmart's web site indicates it's the same story at all of their other locations just about everywhere, at least for now. And at the time of writing, these retail for a princely $9.97.

And whoever-it-is still remains a mystery, although historically Walmart's private label Ozark Trail knives have been made by Hangzhou Great Star Tools Co. Ltd., a Chinese OEM for low end cutlery who are also the force behind several other budget brands. And whose web site I'm not linking this time because it appears to currently be broken. I'm not sure what that forebodes. So I can't prove they were the ones who made this, but they've made similar knives before. It's as plausible a theory as any.

So, what do you get for ten bucks and is it any better than the previous Walmart crossbar folders?

Well, the answer to the first question is this. And the answer to the second one is yes.

As usual, this appears in generic Ozark Trail packaging on a hang card that doesn't provide much in the way of information or identification. It doesn't have any kind of name aside from the uselessly nondescriptive "7.5-Inch Folding Knife," although it does appear to have a SKU of T2203R1-11 as stickered on the back of the package. These are likely subject to change without notice, because Walmart is so noncommittal about this thing's designation that the SKU and UPC aren't even printed on the actual cardboard -- they're a sticker, ready to allow the packaging they've already cranked out a billion of to be reused for the next thing.

There is also a sticker that just contains the numeral "1" in the upper right corner on the back. I don't know what that's for. Maybe where it's supposed to hang in the planogram, or which slot it corresponds to in the glass case?

Why anyone cares about this is, of course, because it's a crossbar locking folding knife like unto Benchmade's Axis lock. This sort of thing has become increasingly popular recently since -- as I'm sure you're sick of me telling you -- Benchmade's patent for their Axis lock expired in 2016 which means now anyone can have a runup at the idea. This sort of thing excites us no end, but presumably the novelty will eventually wear off.

Walmart distributes a huge array of cheap and nasty folding knives under their Ozark Trail label that are plain liner lockers or lockbacks, of course, but none of those are especially... special. Nor much good. Which is why I'm not featuring yet another one of them every ten minutes. They're just commodity disposable low quality knives, so much so that the packaging never even bothers to indicate what kind of steel they're made out of and barely even contain a bullet list with a perfunctory set of standard features.

This time, however, there's something new. For a start, we actually get a named steel! This model is alleged to be made of D2 steel, which is printed right there on the back of the card. That's already a serious upgrade over the previous two models, which were made out of... Well, nobody actually knows, really.

D2 is no longer considered exotic (such as it even ever was) and nowadays is pretty much regarded as an entry level steel. But this wasn't always the case, and even so at least we can state with some degree of confidence what the heck this knife is made out of and thus possibly predict how it should perform.

D2 is a tool steel that is tougher than the typical standard for entry level knives, 440C, and also has superior edge retention compared to 420 or 440 series steels. It's not very corrosion resistant, though, which probably goes a long way towards explaining why this knife has a black epoxy coated blade. Knife people can probably be trusted to properly maintain a semistainless blade. Any average cross-section of Walmart shoppers you care to make, well. Probably not.

The coating is consistent and even looks pretty nice with a fine texture to it that prevents it from being completely shiny, and looks pretty thick. It'll wear and get scuffed up with use, of course, but at least it appears it ought to be a while before you'll work your way completely through it.

That said, I'm not a fan of coated blades in general -- D2 or not -- and I'd much prefer if this just had a bare blade. Corrosion be damned.

The rear tells us this was made in China, as if we didn't already know. The front is printed with the Ozark Trail logo but stops short of specifying who the actual manufacturer is.

The packaging further goes on to state that this knife has an "4.25-inch injection handle." It's injection molded out of glass filled nylon if I'm any judge, since it looks, feels, and sounds exactly like the stuff e.g. if you scratch at it with your fingernail.

Insofar as I can tell this knife comes in only one color, which is Ostentatious Orange. This will probably appeal to the Mossy Oak crowd whose custom it will undoubtedly attract; for the rest of us it means at least you'll be able to find it again if you drop it in the weeds.

The T2203R1-11 is fully ambidextrous as far as the controls go, but its deep carry pocket clip is not reversible. It carries tip up only with the clip on the left side when held with the blade deployed and the edge out. And that's your only option, short of taking it off.

Look, we may as well rip this Band-Aid off all in one go. There's no denying that this is manifestly meant to be a poor man's Bugout. The comparison to Benchmade's perennially dominant bantamweight folder just can't be avoided. The T2203R1-11's design clearly started by copying Benchmade's homework, and the details were shuffled around just enough to keep the men with briefcases and very somber ties from showing up at the door.

So the overall vibe of the deep carry clip, the molded fiber-nylon handles with checkered grip pattern, Axis/crossbar lock, the blade shape, and the lanyard hole worked into the scales on the top rear corner of the knife, it's all deeply reminiscent. Oh sure, the shape of every design element is just different enough to remain Legally Distinct. But you can see how it is.

Even the sizing is the same. Looking down on it flat from above, the Ozark's footprint is functionally identical to the Bugout. 7-1/2" long overall when open, 4-1/8" long closed, with a 3-1/4" drop pointed blade. The blade is 0.89" thick, which is basically the same as the Bugout's as well.

But you see, where it differs significantly is in construction methodology and thus the thickness. And it sort of solves what, er, bugs everyone about the Bugout. Benchmade are so confident in the strength of their fiber reinforced nylon handles that the Bugout eschews handle liners entirely. But I'll bet you whoever made this wasn't. So the Ozark has full length steel liners beneath its scales. As a consequence, then, it's thicker: 0.533" across its scales, not including the clip. So it's 0.144" more than the Bugout, which is enough to be noticeable. But it's also significantly more rigid than a Bugout and if you ask me more confidence inspiring in the hand.

Naturally this must mean that the Ozark is heavier than a Bugout, too. And it is, at 80.5 grams or 2.84 ounces. (That's 29.4 grams more, if this matters to you for the purposes of backpacking and/or being launched into space.)

The Ozark's blade is also hollow ground whereas the Bugout has a flat grind. That's to be expected, really, because doing a true flat grind is expensive and a hollow grind isn't. (In fact, if you're using a grinding wheel to create your blade's bevel it's very difficult not to naturally wind up with a hollow grind.) But all that notwithstanding, it's still got nice machined aluminum diabolo spacers separating the halves and everything.

The Ozark T2203R1-11's scales are a little more rounded and the texture molded into them is not as aggressive as the Bugout's. That makes it theoretically less grippy on paper, but in reality it's unlikely to matter. The Ozark has some jimping on the back of its handle right above the lock but it also has some at the base of the spine of the blade whereas the Bugout doesn't.

Oh, and the Ozark's draw from the pocket off of its clip is much nicer than the Bugout's. I imagine this is down to the smoother texture on the scales, but no matter how you come at it, it's noticeably easier to draw despite the clip still providing more than sufficient retention to keep it from just falling out of your shorts if it's inverted.

It also costs $170 less than a Bugout. Make of that what you will.

The previous Ozark crossbar lockers were cheap and cheerful, but really left a lot to be desired in the action department.

This doesn't.

I'm going to skip ahead a bit here, because the other update this knife got is a big one. It's got ball bearing pivots. And you know I am all about that.

Yeah, that's right. No more shitty plastic washers and no more dicking with your pivot screw tension to find the magical quarter of a degree where the blade neither locks solid nor wiggles like an extra on a Jason Derulo set.

The T2203R1-11's action kicks ass. It's not spring assisted, but it doesn't have to be. Give the thumb studs a little push and it flies open like you've got telekinesis. Hold the crossbar back and it'll Axis flick open and closed extremely readily. And its travel is basically completely silent until the lock clicks into place.

This puts the Benchmade original in the rather unfortunate and unenviable position of being outdone in both hand feel, draw, and action by an off brand $10 piece of shit that hangs on a peg right below the telescopic hot dog fork and just above the plastic whistle and compass carabiner. That's got to hurt.

Actually, all of this does raise one point of contention. I think this would have been even better if it were a Mini Bugout knockoff instead. See, at a 3-1/4" blade length this knife is slightly above the typical magical legal maximum of 3" which'll get it automatically Naughty Listed for carry in a lot of places. The Mini version's blade is 2-7/8" which cruises under that limit. It would be especially cheeky, not to mention beneficial for a lot of people, if this did the same. Oh well.

While we have it apart, here's what the liners look like. They are plain steel, not aluminum or anything else fancy, but they do have holes machined into them to at least make them somewhat lighter.

The full bill of materials.

All this is minus two screws compared to the OG Bugout, because the latter requires one screw in each scale to retain the little crossbar liner plates and this obviously doesn't need to resort to any such trickery.

For $10, it's not hard to guess that a Benchmade will certainly be put together much more nicely than this, and so it is. My example had inconsistent screw tension all around, and there are no anti-rotation features on the spacers which also had their screws threadlocked into place. Getting the spacer screws out on both sides is absolutely mandatory for disassembly of crossbar/Axis locking knives like these, because this allows for removal of the scales which is necessary for getting the lock crossbar out before you can fully separate both halves. I wound up having to grab one of the spacers on mine with some padded pliers -- with quite some force, as it happens -- to get both screws out.

I'll be damned if this thing doesn't have an honest to goodness fully functional anti-rotation flat on its pivot screw, though, complete with a matching D shaped hole in one of the liners. That also makes guessing which of the two liners the female end of the screw goes into completely idiot-proof.

As you can see here, the clip is under an alarming amount of tension at all times, based on how much of a bend there is in it. It still draws cleanly as described, though, so I guess I can't argue with results. Once again like the last two Walmart crossbar lockers the screws go inside the clip and are accessed via a hole in it, and are not placed to either side like on a Bugout. And once again they are not flush with the inner surface of the clip, but there's enough of a throat in it that I didn't find this to actually be a problem. Its width at its throat, where the U bend is at the end of it, is actually noticeably wider than on a Bugout. It's slightly wider than the last two Walmart crossbar knives, too.

My only other note on the clip is that despite ostensibly being "deep carry," it's mounted with its top end about 1/4" down from the tail end of the knife, which means that a noticeable portion of bright orange knife is left peeking out above the hem of your pocket like Kilroy at all times. Don't you think that kind of defeats the purpose?

Here's all the hardware. The only booby trap inside is the endstop pin, which is not shouldered nor retained in any way and can fall out as soon as you remove either of the scales. The rest is completely straightforward, and all the screws are even all the same as each other (although I separated out the two for the clip in this photo, that turned out to be unnecessary). That means there is no way to wind up with an Idiot Mark on your blade by fucking up and installing a too-long screw in the wrong position so it pokes out past the inside of your liners. So that's nice for retaining the finish on your $10 knife.

When all is said and done, a genuine Bugout is definitely more user-friendly to disassemble to fiddle with or to clean, and it provides you more options. The Bugout has a reversible clip and this doesn't. You can dismount the thumb stud easily on a Bugout by unscrewing it as well, whereas this one appears to either be press fit or very firmly glued into place with no evident screw heads into which to insert a tool.

Obviously you can't expect the edge on this knife to compare favorably to one that costs 18 times more, so the Ozark T2203R1-11 doesn't. A genuine Benchmade has a much finer edge and its grind is clearly superior, but I have to say the Ozark still isn't bad. The grind is acceptably fine for a working knife...

...And carries on pretty consistently all the way to the tip.

The edge is just slightly out of true, but should be well within reach of correcting by anyone with either a storebought guided sharpener or a stone and a modicum of skill. I'm not going to go so far as to say I'm impressed, but I'm definitely not disappointed.

The Inevitable Conclusion

It's been interesting to watch evolution in action with these Walmart knockoff knives. We've seen them develop from trash to broadly functional if a bit weird, with the previous run of crossbar lockers, to this model which is -- if I dare even say it -- actually pretty good.

You have to be careful where you tread with statements like that. I'll make a lot of people with expensive knives very angry indeed if I take it too far.

So all this isn't to say that the T2203R1-11 is as good as a Benchmade Bugout, because it isn't. A Benchmade is better built, more nicely machined, comes from the factory with a better edge, is easier to take apart, and is made of much fancier steel.

But the Ozark's action and clip are genuinely better than the Benchmade. And that's a hell of a thing, isn't it? The Benchmade is better quality, yes. But not, it must be said, 18 times better. Four, six, or maybe eight times better, sure. You'll get no argument from me there. But the price disparity between these two for the actual difference is quality is absurd.

For $10 I think this is a fantastic deal. And barring any unexpected surprises like finding out later that the entire batch had a uselessly bad heat treating job or something, that comes without all the usual qualifiers. It's not, oh, a good kinda-sorta okayish backup knife to leave in the glovebox, just in case, you know, better than nothing.

No. This is genuinely a decent knife. For $10. If I actually had to carry this knife exclusively for a month, for instance, I certainly wouldn't be mad about it.

I just wish I didn't know what I already know about this knife and others of its kind. Things like how it doesn't even have a name. I mean, two decades from now, nobody's going to remember this thing. Nobody's going to say, "Yeah, the T2203R1-11, back in 2024? That was where it was at."

Fucking "T2203R1-11?" Come on.

It'll be a flash in the pan, here today and gone tomorrow, and nobody upstairs will care. To Walmart it's just another faceless commodity product, one of a million, and if they're actually turning a profit on this at $9.97 then I shudder to think of what it actually costs to produce... and by who. The sad truth of it is, it's probably only any good by accident. They probably think they're ripping us off with this, same as they do with everything else. I'll bet you neither Walmart nor their OEM set out to build a knife at this price point and as decent as this on purpose. And sooner or later some bean counter somewhere will figure that out, he'll get ordered to widen the margins on it, and it'll be ruined and that's the end of that.

You can never win a race to the bottom.

But every now and again you can get lucky, jump on, and enjoy a damn good ride for just a little while.

Today's feature is brought to you by the color black.

This is the Elite Tactical Guardsman, and when you see all three of those words together you know you're about to see a Very Serious Combat Knife. Or, perhaps, something that just takes itself a little too seriously.

The Guardsman answers a question that I think very few people have actually asked: Why don't folding knives ever have crossguards on them?

Actually, I think it doesn't quite ask "why" but rather skips right to answering "how."

It is written, for some damn reason, that a "fighting" knife should have a crossguard. So of course there have been oodles of attempts to incorporate a daggerlike crossguard into a folder in the past, some solutions being more awkward than others. This is a perennial contender, for instance. Or the likes of the CRKT M-16. Et. cetera. This sort of thing has been going on one way or another for a very long time.

What most of these have in common is that they're just as wide and doofy when they're closed as when they're open, either incorporating the crossguard into the heel of the blade so it's always sticking out, or building it into the handle in some way.

The Guardsman, however, takes a different approach. To maintain a sleek overall profile when it's closed, its crossguard folds flat against the handle.

But when you open it, the guard pivots out with the blade.

This idea is neither new, nor unique. The SOG Quake leaps to mind, and the internet is just rife with those goddamn "Russian NKVD" folders these days. This is the "Italian swing guard" design and has occasionally (and probably also originally) been found on various stilettos over the years. I don't know who actually invented it or when. If you want to know that sort of thing, ask a historian. I just take pictures of silly knives.

The Guardsman is like unto one of those but it takes its protein powder every morning so it's got a distinct added beefiness. Out of all those among this breed I think it's probably the least ridiculous and among the more functional. Not least of which because unlike the others it's got an Axis or crossbar lock, and you know how I do enjoy a good one of those. Plus it's made of D2 which is a steel I like, and it purports to have ball bearing pivots. All of those are plusses in my book.

Oh, and it also helps that it's only about $27.

Let's check off the rest of the list.

The Guardsman has modern and trendy a deep carry pocket clip.

To add to its fighting knife pretensions, the Guardsman has a rather militaristic, Ka-Bar like drop point profile blade with a partial flat grind and a black powdercoat or epoxy finish. There's even a fuller in it.

Although, curiously, only on one side.

It's pretty long, 8-9/16" overall when open and 4-3/4" closed. It's 1-5/8" across if you count the crossguard or about 15/16" if you don't. The blade is 3-7/8" long. Altogether it weighs in at 126.9 grams or 4.48 ounces, part of that weight doubtlessly contributed to by its full length steel liners. The blade is 0.120" thick across and the entire knife, not including the clip as usual, is 0.616" across its handles at the thickest point. Needless to say, it's made in China and marked as such on the blade. Beneath the crossguard, curiously. More on that in a sec.

All the pictures of this knife online seem to depict it with some kind of charcoal-on-black 3D machined Micarta scales or similar. But my example hasn't got those, and instead has scales that appear to be made out of some kind of injection molded something. Probably glass filled nylon. They are quite heavily textured, though. Maybe this is some kind of rolling change. Maybe mine's a counterfeit. Who knows.

It must be said that the Guardsman's pivoting action is quite satisfactory. I'm not going to claim revelatory or anything, although it's damn good for the price. It'll Axis flick readily, and in fact will fall open or shut easily via gravity if you hold its locking crossbar back. That's just as well, because while it does have a thumb stud for opening it's only got it on one side. The clip isn't reversible, either. At least it'll ride tip up in its one and only carry position.

The crossguard does indeed fold out automatically with the blade via a very simple mechanism. While it works, that part of it is on shakier mechanical ground.

I'm not 100% sold on the whole crossguard thing as it works here, truth be told. It doesn't lock into place and there's a fair bit of free play left in it when the knife is locked open, as illustrated above. You can push it forward pretty far which doesn't inspire much confidence in saving your fingers at first blush, although closer inspection reveals that there's a pretty generous ricasso at the base of the blade and the crossguard can't in fact be pushed past that point.

So you're ultimately saved from giving yourself the mother of all papercuts. But the overall feeling is... incomplete, if that makes sense? It feels more natural that the crossguard should lock solid when the knife is open like the blade itself does, but it doesn't. It could have, via the addition of maybe a little nub on the spine right at the forward end. But that'd sully the square, businesslike looks, I guess.

The guard can't be pushed backwards towards the wielder, though. So obviously it's more for, what, blocking incoming strikes or something? Against your sub 4" folding pocketknife? I'm not buying it. I'll freely admit that I've never had to drop and give anyone 20, soldier, nor have I spent much time on my elbows in the battlefield. But if I were going to make a habit of it, I have to say I'd probably pack something a bit less... foldy.

You could argue instead that the Guardsman is intended more as a self-defense knife, maybe. That's fair, and the crossguard probably would protect you from yourself pretty effectively if you got a little too enthusiastic rendering undo Caesar -- rocking horse action aside. But then, a humble Kershaw CQC-6K is still faster to draw.

The Guardsman will be more discreet to carry despite being longer, though, thanks to its deep carry clip.

A CQC won't broadcast to the world that you're Elite, either.

The Guardsman has one more thing going for it, at least on paper. It claims to have ball bearing pivots. Well, as you know I like to keep knife makers honest. So, does it?

Yep, it sure does.

Inside, the Guardsman has exactly the Axis/crossbar componentry you'd expect. Complete with two omega hair springs, the crossbar itself, and the familiar quarter-note slots for the same in the liners. Overall it's pretty easy to take apart, although do take care that the liners can be reinstalled backwards which will prevent you from mounting the clip, since its screws thread into a pair of holes present only on one of them.

I have to say, despite my complaints about it that crossguard is definitely engineered. You can break it down further into these components and it contains no less than four tiny plastic washers, a pair of threaded aluminum spacers, and these screws. One of them is the thumb stud and you can with care take it out and reverse it -- although you still can't reverse the clip if you do.

The halves are separated by this rather nice machined aluminum backspacer, which has threaded brass inserts in it. It has slots milled into it to provide enough flex to install the inserts, which is an unusual and certainly interesting way to do it.

Here are the mechanical gubbins. The crossbar has a unique design with what appear to be a pair of independent washers to hold the hooks on the springs, and they're swaged onto it or something. Search me how these were installed, since they're an interference fit and don't move, but the crossbar doesn't unscrew or otherwise come apart in any way I can figure out.

The bearings have ten balls each in plastic carriers. Neither the blade nor the liners are pocketed to accept the bearings, so upon reassembly you have to line everything up manually. Holding the crossbar back helps. It's kind of a fiddle but otherwise not too difficult.

Also for some reason the pivot screw has an anti-rotation flat on it, but the holes in the liners and scales have no corresponding flat spot and are just round. So you need two T8 Torx drivers to take it apart. As usual for a bearing knife, the Guardsman is pretty insensitive to pivot screw tension and because of that it can be locked down firmly to have no blade wiggle in any direction.

The Inevitable Conclusion

Look past the weird crossguard thing and the Elite Tactical Guardsman has all the fixings of an underrated gem of an inexpensive little knife -- or rather a big one. It's tough to argue with an Axis locking, bearing pivot, D2 folder for only $27. And it's also built pretty well on top of it. Okay, the guard is a little hinky but other than that nothing about it manages to come off as feeling very cheap.

I could surely come up with a lot more interesting to say about it if it were a piece of crap. But it isn't. Go fuckin' figure.

And you can own it without looking like a goomba, a skinhead, or a tankie. That's gotta count for something, right?

Forsooth, I hath made the journey down to yon local smithee, and picked up this.

I think no discussion of cutlery is complete without eventually, at some level, touching upon the Svörd Peasant series. To label this knife as a "classic" probably doesn't quite go far enough. The Peasant is a crocodile; a veritable relic, unchanged in its design since antiquity and yet still here today filling its particular niche. In a certain sense this is The Pocketknife, with the capital T and capital P being important.

The Peasant is a tang grip folding knife. It is brutally simple, and its design is a deliberate throwback to what is quite possibly -- no hyperbole -- one of the oldest known folding knife designs in the world.

The Peasant's included pamphlet specifies that it's based on a design observed in Bavaria and Bohemia around the 1600's. However, there are documented examples of folding knives with similar albeit not identical tang grip designs dating back as far as the time of the Roman empire. The Romans did indeed have folding pocketknives and some of them were quite complex, even including one notable example not too dissimilar from our modern Swiss Army knife, as displayed here. Simple friction folders were obviously where it all began and were exceedingly common for hundreds and hundreds of years. But by 300 AD or so it is purported that examples were appearing with a familiar extended tang design along the lines of what we have here.

The Peasant is intentionally made out of low tech materials using low tech equipment, mostly by hand, by B.W. Baker's Svörd knife company in New Zealand. It comes in multiple sizes and multiple handle materials, most visibly polypropylene in various colors and also wood. You can get kit versions, too, if you want to have the satisfaction of assembling yours yourself. This is the "Micro" variant, the smallest version on offer, and strap on those goggles and don your top hat -- I just had to get the brass version. I mean, of course I did. Come on.

Modern knives have a seemingly endless of supply tricks and mechanisms, and of course we've had a grand old time inspecting, dissecting, and discussing many of them in this very column.

The Peasant, however, doesn't. Its mechanism is purely that it has no mechanism. Only a single pivot point through a hole in the blade, and that's all. It's the absolute king of vintagecore. You might think your fountain pen and your pocketwatch and your waistcoat are anachronistic chic, but I'm telling you all that stuff is kindergarten playground time compared to how ancient this thing is.

The Peasant's extended tang serves both as its opener and what holds it open. You'll note the method is extremely reminiscent of how a classic straight razor works and the lineage between those and this is no doubt shared.

The knife is held together with just three screws, which are literally just commodity brass machine screws that are cut to length after screwing them through the handle and then peened on the ends. One acts as the fulcrum point for the pivot, one serves as the open position endstop, and another one holds the handle together at the tail end. And that's it. Job done, that's the whole system completely described.

The Peasant stays open by way of you gripping the tag against the spine of the handle. This method is exceedingly simple but also remarkably secure. As long as you're holding it firmly the knife won't close up on you. The tang ends with a little hole which comes with a small split ring in it, via which you could dangle it from your keys or tie on your own lanyard if you were so inclined.

The Peasant's blade is made of simple 15N20 steel which is not stainless, and takes on this dark patina for maximum medieval cred. You should probably keep it lightly oiled. It has a mildly drop pointed blade with a deep edge grind that's got no secondary bevel whatsoever. It's a convex grind a little under a quarter inch deep, and that helps the Peasant with cutting performance and allows it to perform well above its weight class provided the shortness of the blade is not an impediment to what you're doing.

What, you thought Fällkniven and Bark River developed the convex grind as the hot new ticket? New doesn't enter into it. All they did was nick it from history.

This Micro variant is quite diminutive, although the tang sticks out by necessity even when it's shut. That brings the overall closed length to 4-1/16" not including the split ring on the end which flaps around freely in any case. It's precisely 5" long when open, and its little blade is 1-7/8" long. There is no ricasso so the entire length is a usable edge. There's a V shaped choil of sorts at the base which is where the endstop screw slots into when the blade is closed.

The blade on mine is 0.057" thick at the spine, although I wouldn't be surprised to learn there is some variance from piece to piece. Across the handle scales the Micro Peasant is just 0.180" thick not including the heads of the screws. With them, it's still just about 0.265". You want to talk thin and light? Modern knives wish they could be as little as this. My brass variant is probably the heaviest model of the bunch, but even it is only 41.9 grams or 1.48 ounces, and that includes the keyring because I was too lazy to take it off.

Modern knives may have fancy composite backspacers, or anodized aluminum diabolo barrels, or maybe precision machined washers. These are decadent fripperies. Mere lace and frills. The Peasant, for its part, has no handle spacers whatsoever. That means the blade rubs against the insides of the brass handle plates. And so what if it does? You got a problem with that or something? It turns out, it still works just fine even so. And the brass is softer than the steel, so the handles are absolutely incapable of scratching the blade in any case. Rather, the reverse happens.

The entire bill of materials consists of just seven components, and that's if you count the split ring. The screws, as mentioned, are just ordinary brass machine screws. Like, from the hardware store. One of the handle plates is threaded and the other one isn't, and the screws are proof against backing out by having the ends peened into place. This is evidenced by the flat spots on the heads, for instance.

This means the Peasant is actually not quite so simple to take apart as it appears, because backing the screws out ultimately involves overcoming their smashed tips. As you can see, I broke one of the screws getting mine apart for this picture. But it wasn't a big deal; I had some suitable #6-32 machine screws just lying around on my workbench already. I believe the stock screws were actually originally fine thread #6-40, but it was the work of a few seconds to ream the threads out to 32 pitch with a tap. No harm done, and keep on keeping on.

Rather than hammer my new screws and annoy myself further in the future, I instead fabricated these brass jam nuts. In keeping with the spirit of the occasion, I turned them freehand on my bench grinder. The brass Peasant's handle plates also shine up very nicely with the application of a little Flitz. Although admittedly, probably not for long unless you clearcoated it or something.

I also found a trio of random brass washers in my odds and ends, which make the perfect tail spacer. This is completely unnecessary, but the beauty of it is you can customize your Peasant like this with just any old trifles and junk you have lying around and it works.

Here's a very modern knife next to it. This HUAAO Bugout clone may look simple by today's standards, but its elegance is peanuts compared to the Svörd. The HUAAO is all titanium, anodized aluminum, and stainless steel. Wonder materials. Black magic! The Peasant has, and needs, none of the above. You could hand one to your hypothetical time traveling medieval friend and he would experience no future shock; he'd tell you how it could be made, precisely what out of, and he'd probably even be able to make another one just like it.

Oh yes. And I would be remiss if I did not mention the pamphlet it comes with.

If I haven't played up the historicity of the Svörd Peasant enough, the pamphlet does it some more. Simplicity is the Peasant's selling point, and this as well as the knife's inherent cheapness are driven home all throughout. True to form, the documentation is just printed on regular old paper. Nothing glossy, no bond, not even in color. For your entertainment I've scanned both the front and reverse, which are available here and here, respectively.

The bloke with the wedge of cheese is a nice touch. He's very Phil Foglio.

For his part, B.W. Baker guarantees your Svörd for life. There are some included care tips as well, the highlight of which being the sharpening tips which boil down to basically, "Use a stone on it or something." There's no way you can't respect that.

For the the price of admission you also get this leather sheath. And it is genuinely leather, albeit split grain. I have no doubt that it's just as handmade as the knife is.

It's a bit of a squeeze but it'll conform to the shape of your knife over time. The tang is left sticking out along with its ring, if you leave it installed.

It's not much, but it'd absolutely complete the ensemble along with your canvas messenger bag, designer beard wax, hemp beanie, and vintage flannel shirt.

The Inevitable Conclusion

I think there's a place for a Svörd Peasant in every knife person's collection. It's not exactly cheap in this brass guise at about $32, but nor is it really unreasonably expensive for what you get. Especially considering its hand made nature, plus the sheath and all.

I have used the phrase probably one too many times referring to something as a warning from history. The Peasant is anything but. It's not a warning; it's a celebration. It's the closest thing you'll probably ever get your hands on absolute genesis without owning a museum. It's a chance to hold a fragment of the thing from which, ultimately, everything else in this hobby sprung forth.

Maybe its two handle slabs aren't quite technically identically shaped to each other. Maybe it's got grinder marks on it, and it shows up with an uneven patina, and its blade will rub scuffs into the insides of the handles as you use it. For any cheap mass produced knife we'd decry this sort of thing to no end. We'd label it crap, and to hell with it, and declare it Temu garbage of the worst kind.

But what makes the Peasant different is that all of that is the point. Therein lies the charm; that's what makes it special. It's flawed, but intentionally so. And thus every one of them is in some tiny way unique compared to all the others as well. I would not at all be surprised to find, for example, that the parts from this one wouldn't quite interchange with the parts of any others. And that's something you never see anymore.

Maybe the Svörd Peasant's real value is making you stop and look at every manufactured thing in a different way. Someone made this. Some one. A person. Not a factory, not a country, not a conglomerate, and if you choose to look at it hard enough, maybe not even a brand.

In more ways than one, then, it comes from a different time. And that's where the magic is.

So see you later, alligator. Never change.

Here's another one of those knife-esqe, but not-a-knife objects.

This is the Artisan Cutlery Kinetic Tool, and it's a balisong trainer sporting a bottle opener instead of an edge, along the lines of the various BBarfly models and Squid Industries Mako. So it's perfect for safely practicing balisong flip tricks and similar, while still providing a modicum of functionality over a normal trainer knife.

The Kinetic tool measures uͧрⷬ aͣᴛⷮ aͣвⷡoͦuͧᴛⷮ 9-̄1/2"៉ loͦng whͪeͤn oͦрⷬeͤn, ₐₙd ₅₋₁/₂" 𝄴ₗₒₛₑd, w̠͇i͕̙̺t̫͕̼h͎̫̝ i̫͙͎t̪͚̻s͕͎ u͕͕̝n̝̻s̢͓̘h̠̻͍a͔̪̪r͍̙p̫͙̟e̺͓͜n͓̫̘e̡͇͔d̢͇̠,̪̟͜ n̝͎̘o̪̼̠n͔͓͚-̦͚͜b̺͙l͕͓a͚̺͜d̻͉̻e͇͙͓ b̡͇̦o̦̞t͚̞̞t̪͔̫l̦͉̞e͔͔͎ o̵̠͕͚͋̒̚p̴̼͉̞̽͐͠e̴̠̘̝͑͆̕n̴̫̦̔̾͆e̸̝̺̞̿̔r̸̪̦͌̓̀ t̴̡̝͉͐͌̔ḧ̵̟̝̻́͒̓i̴͇̞̿̾̀n̴̟͖̐̒͘g̸̻̺͛́̚͜y̸̡̦̦͆̚͝ ~c̵̡͓͍͊͊͊o̸͍̦̿̿m̸̡͓͉͛̚͝i̴͉͚̾̒n̸͔̼͊̿͘g̸̫͕̝̀͊~ ~o̸̠̻̻͛͒͠u̵͚͍̦̔͌̓ẗ̸̡̫̟́̓͌~ ~t̵̪̼̺́͛̓o̴͕͓͊̕͠~ ~á̸̘̪̝̿̽b̵̪̠̙͋͆o̵͚̠̘̐͑͝ú̴̘͎͒̕͜ț̵͍͎̓͆͛~

...

...

This is the Artisan Cutlery Kinetic Tool, and it's a world-legal "switchblade" because, as you can see, it's not actually a blade. Instead, it's got an unsharpened bottle opener that provides a modicum of functionality while not really being a knife. Therefore, despite its automatic opening action it ought to remain legal just about --

...?

Hang on just a damn minute.

There's some kind of Mandela effect shit going on, here. Is the Kinetic Tool a balisong knife or is it a switchblade?

Well, it's both. And it's neither.

You see, down at the tail end it has a mildly unusual but otherwise mechanically familiar balisong T latch. It hooks over the spacer pin on that end of the knife rather than the typical method of engaging with either of the handles, but otherwise works as you'd expect and you can flick it undone easily enough to find that the Kinetic Tool functions as a serviceable, if a bit heavy, unsharpened balisong trainer knife.

And on the other end is a conspicuous shiny button that, when pressed, sends the unsharpened "blade" rocketing out exactly as you'd expect from a side opening automatic.

This is, needless to say, mechanically bizarre. The question of "why," of course, is a stupid one. If we sat around here asking why all day we'd never get anything done.

But either way, you can't exactly call it a knife.

Artisan actually make a small range of these things in a few different variants, including one under their cheaper CJRB brand. Various handle and tool blade styles are available, but this is the original one with the rearward mounted bottle opener, slotted screwdriver tip nose, and the typical perfunctory but otherwise useless hex nut "wrench" cutouts in the middle. It comes in a few versions wherein the G-10 scales are swapped for different colors but this olive drab green one is as usual the superior choice.

So the Kinetic Tool's headline feature is that is does indeed function as both a balisong and an automatic, all in the same package. And it works. Although this involves some compromises and inherently engenders some weirdness.

I mean, beyond the obvious one in just how strange the idea is on its face.

For a start, as a knife with two opening mechanisms it thusly has two open states. And then it follows that it has two closed states as well, of course. If you compare the image above you'll see the handles are in a different position than in the headline photo at the beginning of this post, despite the tool self-evidently being open in both pictures. You'll wind up with the handles reversed relative to each other if you open it in balisong mode rather than in switchblade mode. You can latch it open or shut in either position.

Both mechanisms are also always in play, so to speak. So there's nothing stopping you from opening the tool as a switchblade, and then closing it as a balisong. Or the opposite of opening it as a balisong, and then pressing the switchblade button afterwards. And then...

...What happens is this.

Yes, the Kinetic Tool can switchblade itself closed if you already have it open. Only once, of course, until you manually reload it against its spring -- Artisan unfortunately haven't figured out how to violate the laws of thermodynamics. But in light of that, this may have something to do with why it isn't sharpened. By default, what it would whack you with in this case would be the "spine" of the blade anyway, but being able to snap the thing shut on your own fingers accidentally is still a bit disconcerting.

But this means you can combine either opening or closing method as you see fit. Another wrinkle caused by this is that when you open it normally in balisong mode, the blade is "backwards", so to speak, and presents you with the edge containing the bottle opener against the safe handle and not the straight spine. That's because it opens in the expected orientation from this position when you open it in switchblade mode, but since the pivot direction of either method is reversed from the other, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

The Kinetic Tool's latch also doesn't have any endstops.

In addition to adding another element of Fiddle Factor to the proceedings, it also means you can with some dexterity spin the latch around backwards and latch the tool together from the inside.

This has the amusing side effect of making the Kinetic Tool one of the few physical objects I can think of that's capable of softlocking itself.

Really. Watch this.

Did you catch it? Here's what you do: Open the Kinetic Tool in balisong mode, then flip the latch around to latch it from the inside. Then press the switchblade button to make it close itself.

Since you engaged the latch backwards it is not in the path of the blade's closing travel. But you can't undo the latch, because the tip of the blade is in the way, and the blade is already at the end of its travel. You can't use the latch to push the blade out of the way, and you can't use the blade to undo the latch. And you can't undo the latch through the blade. And so on, and so forth; it's a mechanical catch-22.

Thankfully this conundrum isn't permanent, since you can use a suitable poking object to pivot the blade out and reset the switchblade mechanism, and then undo the latch. But it'd be great for one of those, "I'll bet you a dollar you can't open this knife in 30 seconds" sorts of bar bets.

What all of this adds up to is that the Kinetic Tool is a fantastic deskside fidget toy despite -- or perhaps because of -- all of these oddities. It's just shame it isn't actually useful for much else.

Other than its thin handle scales, it's constructed entirely of steel of one kind or another. So for a balisong, it's actually kind of heavy: 158.8 grams or 5.6 ounces. A lot of compromises had to be made with the pivots, essentially shrinking them down to dollhouse size, to accommodate also stuffing the entire switchblade mechanism in between them. Thus the pivot feel is serviceable but not great, and then it also likes to hook your finger with the bottle opener notch while you're manipulating it which is obviously suboptimal. Relocating the bottle opener to the tip would have solved this at the expense of making it much harder to use to actually open bottles. Pick your battles, I guess.

It's not terribly useful as any other tool, either. The aforementioned bottle opener will probably be the most often used feature for most people. For instance, I don't think anyone in the history of mankind has actually undone a bolt in such a manner that resulted in meaningful work being done with one of those stupid stairstepped hex notch thingies. This despite their popularity in showing up on those dumb wallet cards and oodles of other gifts-for-dad sort of tripe, seemingly just so another bullet point could be put on the package. I guess you could use the screwdriver tip as advertised, although only on rather large slotted screws, and only those that are not down any kind of blind hole. Artisan claim the tip can be also used as a prybar, but do so at your own peril due to how thin the pivots are. I think putting any real amount of torsion on the mechanism would probably tear the tips right off of the handles. There's a slot in the blade, too, but I have no idea what that's for. You can fit a piece of 1" webbing through it, but towards what end I can't fathom.

Oh, and in deference to tradition it has the totally expected but largely useless ruler markings along the back edge. There are no numbers but the little tick marks are indeed fractional inches: Halves, quarters, and eighths.

The front shows Artisan's logo, and the reverse has the model number of the variant in question as well as Artisan's "patent pending." Nowhere is it mentioned where it's made; not on the article itself or in the blurb. If I had to guess, I'd say China or Taiwain. And nor is the blade steel specified on the tool itself, but Artisan's web page claims it is made of 8Cr13MoV which might actually be useful to know if it had, you know, an edge.

Inherent dangers aside, it'd probably be slightly more useful if it did. But then it'd surely be double illegal in most locales, so the fidget toy version is what we got.

Actually, they did once make a sharpened version -- sort of. Model 1823PO is a similar scheme to this, but it included the ability to insert a standard utility knife blade. (That seems kind of familiar, come to think of it.) It's now discontinued, though, and jury's out on whether or not that was due to hordes of owners complaining about shaving their knuckles off with it. Either way you can't buy it anymore and I've never been able to lay my hands on one.

Oh well.

Artisan call the flipping action "silky smooth," which is a bit optimistic. The Kinetic Tool's balisong pivots are, as mentioned, tiny. They do ride of brass washers but they're not especially refined, and leave a fair amount of slop in the mechanism as pictured here. They don't feel particularly robust.

You can see the washers plainly by looking at it down the edge:

It does spin freely enough but once again, just like the Mantis knife we looked at last week, it suffers from the problem of the "blade" being heavier than either of the handles individually which necessitates the flipping action to be a bit slow.

You can see the teeny tiny pivots and their attendant washers here. I did not bother to take the switchblade mechanism apart because I know how annoying it'll be to put back together. I know what we'd see in there anyway: A torsion spring, a hole for it in the heel of the blade, and a machined mushroom shaped lock button. I'd doubt there are too many other surprises.

One unusual point of note is that the Kinetic Tool's G-10 scales are screwed to the liners from the inside. I'm not sure why, though, because if the intent was to not have exposed screw heads there are still the four screws at the tail end that go through and hold the spacers on, which are visible right there and bold as brass on the scales at the tail end of the knife.

I guess one other oddity is that the two pivots for the balisong handles are actually constructed slightly differently, and use different screws from each other. That's because one of them also serves as the endstop for the blade's travel in switchblade mode, whereas the blade has to be able to pass through the other. So one pivot is a full length threaded barrel with a screw in each end, and the other is comprised of two escutcheons machined into the puck around the switchblade mechanism with a gap in between. None of the barrels or spacers have anti-rotation mechanisms on them so to fully undo everything you'll have to grab them with pliers or something.

Its forward kicker pins are permanently machined in place into that same puck around the switchblade mechanism. A raised boss around the button acts as one massive rear kicker pin, which is kind of clever.

The Inevitable Conclusion

The Kinetic Tool certainly does one thing it sets out to do, which is to be a really strange Knifelike Object with two fully functional opening mechanisms all in the same package. Obviously I think the "tool" aspect of it is highly dubious and I think it'd have been better off as an actual knife.

Its design results in some mechanical oddities that are thus far exclusive to Artisan's/CJRB's range, so if you want something like that just so you can say you have it, it's in a field with no competitors other than itself and its siblings. If I were you I might try the cheaper CJRB version, since it's bound to be no more or less useful but has the same mechanism, is sure to retain all of the same quirks, but costs half as much.

And then, there probably aren't many fidget toys in the world with the possibility of leaving your onlookers wondering if they walked away in the same timeline they arrived in. Surely that thing you're playing with was a butterfly knife just a minute ago.

...Wasn't it?

▄▀█ █▀▀ █░█ █ █▀▀ █░█ █▀▀ █▀▄▀█ █▀▀ █▄░█ ▀█▀   █░█ █▄░█ █░░ █▀█ █▀▀ █▄▀ █▀▀ █▀▄ █ █ █
█▀█ █▄▄ █▀█ █ ██▄ ▀▄▀ ██▄ █░▀░█ ██▄ █░▀█ ░█░   █▄█ █░▀█ █▄▄ █▄█ █▄▄ █░█ ██▄ █▄▀ ▄ ▄ ▄

I'm going to 3D print a badge and pin it to my wall, or something. Right after I finish rolling on the floor and laughing. Just give me a few minutes.

1. Context: This guy creates an "angry" sub to bitch about things. Cool, cool.
2. Same guy posts a couple of troll-level ranty screeds filled with nonsense and bad faith "arguments," such as they can even be considered arguments at all. W/e, that's his prerogative. However...
3. Doing this in public means that this makes it to the .world front page as these things do, which invites people to comment on this silliness. Myself included.
4. Jabroni gets butthurt about his opinions actually having to withstand scrutiny and then, of course, hilarity ensues.

5. ...But bro is also under the impression you can't say "fuck" on the internet for some reason?

But that's not the actual headline, here. What's bats is, he actually went through and deleted pretty much every comment in that thread. Here it is.

He's, uh, really racking up the popularity.

TL;DR: User openly calls out a specific demographic (one that is prevalent on this instance, no less), is shocked when said demographic shows up, responds by throwing a tantrum and bans everyone from his playpen. Comedy gold!

"Oh, look. Another stupid balisong. Why don't you get a new shtick, granddad?"

...

No.

This is the Mantis Mothra. In the category of knives named after Toho movie monsters, it is probably in a class all by itself.

The Mothra is a full sized aluminum handled balisong, measuring up at 9-3/4" long when locked open, and about 5-11/16" closed. It has a 4-1/2" long spear pointed blade which is, despite its appearances, only single edged. The manufacturer calls it a "drop point" which I suppose is technically correct in the same sense that a stromboli could be called a "sandwich."

The blade is made of 154CM and is very thick: About 7/32". That's pretty unusual for a balisong. Not including any protuberances like the latch head or the ears of the blade sticking out the sides, the Mothra is a girthy 1-1/8" across and about 1/2" thick in total. All of this adds up to a weight of 157.5 grams or 5.55 ounces. So, ephemerality is one attribute this knife definitely hasn't got.

(Project Farm Voice) The Mantis Mothra is made in Taiwan.

It also sports some very intense design.

The handles have this craggy, stonelike appearance on their edges that looks like it ought to be a wall texture in Quake or something. Then the blade has a deep fuller in it that's got several holes drilled through. Suffice to say the looks are certainly unique, possibly even divisive.

The Mothra's handles are clearly cast and not machined. If I am any judge, those blemishes down on the tail end are definitely air pockets from the casting process. The surfaces are bead blasted and anodized, so then one can only assume that all the spots on the edges and corners that've been rubbed through and the bare aluminum peeks through are intentional. Probably so that when the surface inevitably gets scratched or otherwise patinas, Mantis can say it's "supposed" to look that way.

On the bright side, showing up the way it does for an MSRP (but certainly not street price) of around $300 makes me feel a lot better about the finish on that $20 Exo knockoff I was talking about a couple of weeks ago. Although, on the matter of price -- hold that thought.

I've talked probably one too many times before about knives with "impossible" pivot screws, which present no mechanism of screwdriver engagement on their heads. This looks slick but isn't much of a trick, of course. There's always a flat spot on the shank of the screw or some other manner of anti-rotation feature, or failing that on a balisong specifically you can just flip it over to the side that's got the screw heads and undo them with the knife in it's latched position, because the tension against the shanks of the screws will hold them in place while you work. The other side always contains the screw heads.

So you see, just flip the Mothra over and...

...Oh.

Uh.

So it's impossible to take apart, then.

Strike that, reverse it.

If you haven't guessed, the Mothra's trick is that it's part of Mantis' "BladeXchange™" series. The pivot screws are not screws; they're buttons, which work in a manner identical to those found on a button lock folding knife. Except rather than lock and unlock the knife, they allow you to slide the blade out of the handles entirely via a channel milled into the heel of the blade that meets up with the pivot holes.

That's visible here. And these are the easiest disassembly photos I've ever taken for you guys.

So the Mothra's deal is that it's actually incredibly easy to take apart. But why would you ever want to? Well, other than the obvious cleaning and lubrication chores...

...Mantis also sell a variety of different blade styles as you would expect, which you can replace -- sorry "eXchange" -- with whatever you've already got. One knife into many, if that's a void that needs filling in your life. And in addition to various edge profiles they also offer a blunt trainer blade you can swap in. The one pictured there is the "Dexter" blade which has a Wharncliffe profile and loses the false edge on the back.

And the straight spine on it reveals just how ludicrously thick the blades for this thing are.

So here it is being a Dexter. Mantis seems to just name their variants based on whatever blade they come preinstalled with; insofar as I can tell, the handles are the same between their various models. So you can be like Katy Perry and change your mind; reinvent yourself (or at least your knife) as freely as you like and you'd probably have valid grounds for changing the name right along with. Swapping takes mere seconds, although the reasons for doing so are left as an exercise for the reader.

The release mechanism for the blade looks like this:

There's a fat part and a skinny part, and a spring behind it. When you push the button the fat part sinks into the opposite side of the handle until it's flush, and the channel in the blade is wide enough to clear the skinny part, so once you get it lined it up just slides apart.

Apropos of nothing, this also means that it is trivial to succumb to the temptation to assemble the Mothra backwards. Here it is as such. And if you do this, how it's pictured above is as closed as it can ever get. It's mildly amusing the first time. You probably won't do it twice.

Anyway, the astute among you have probably already figured out two glaring asterisks hovering just above and to the right of this entire getup.

First and foremost, balisong makers go to great lengths to improve the mechanical precision of their pivots to create finer, smoother, more solid, less rattly, and generally more pleasant mechanisms for their knives. I've waxed poetic at great length about this sort of thing many times. Bushings, precision washers made of fancy low coefficient of friction materials like sintered bronze, ball bearings, the works. Some of this stuff costs big bucks, and balisong nerds get very excited about it.

Well, I just showed you a photo of the Mothra taken apart and it sure didn't include any of those. That's because it hasn't got 'em. All the effort was apparently spent on the release mechanism and for the rest, well, we're just banging rocks together. Literally, in fact. The pivot surfaces are just the blade steel riding directly on the inner surfaces of the handles. The bead blasted and textured aluminum oxide anodized surfaces of the handles. You know, that stuff they make sandpaper out of? So you'd predict that it scuffs up the pivot area something fierce.

And you'd be right. Give that reader a cigar. No washers, no nothing. Not even a pair of perfunctory plastic ones.

The other part is, all of this needs to have a generous clearance so that you can actually slide the pieces apart without them getting all jammed up. So with no bearings or bushings in there either, this thing must rattle like a telegraph office.

Right again.

I will hasten to point out that the pivot play on this knife is so bad that if you look carefully, you can see that the only thing stopping it from getting even more off-axis is the fact that it's stopped by the inner face of one of the handles hitting the flat of the blade. Oof.

(I hue shifted that photo, by the way, because the gripper-stuff on those gloves I was wearing happens to be red and I just know the types of comments that would garner. The original, unaltered photo is here, you weirdos.)

You absolutely cannot tune this knife. Not in any way, shape, or form. There is no screw tension to adjust, no washers to swap, no bushings to shave. It is what it is, now and forever. And part of the problem is that the "pins," for lack of a better word, that make up the pivot and release mechanism don't even engage with the holes in the blade all the way through. The solid part only rises up a little less than halfway through the thickness of the blade so the top half is always left freely floating and able to wiggle around.

Mantis probably could have cured that by making the blade a little thinner. But they didn't. And lo, here we are.

So that leaves the question of the Mothra's balisong action hanging in air. Like a particular metaphor. One that I'm not going to make.

The answer is that it's distinctly weird. The enormous rattle and play in the blade notwithstanding -- that doesn't actually impact the moment-to-moment usage any. The Mothra's rebound action is also pretty okay, probably owing to its trendy but now common "zen" pin design which locates the rebound pins inside the handles rather than having them press fit through the blade. But other than that, since we're on the topic, there are no other fancy features. No spring latch, no weights, no interchangeable scales. Heck, no scales at all.

The Mothra's downfall is presented in two acts. Neither of them, surprisingly, are the weird handle texture. And rest assured that it is weird, but you can get used to that sort of thing easily enough. No, there's another uncanny feeling to its action that's tough to put you finger on until you really think about it. Eventually you'll realize that it's caused by the blade (64.6 grams) weighting significantly more than the handles (44.5 grams each) which is the opposite of most balisongs.

Beyond its pivot mechanism, a balisong knife's flipping feel is normally pretty much exclusively generated by its handles, which should weigh the same or more as the blade. Often they have thin blades that are carefully tuned to achieve this effect. Not so with the Mothra. As previously noted, its blade(s) are enormous, thick, and above all very heavy. So that leaves the point of balance not in the handles or even hanging around the pivot point but swinging around wildly somewhere out in space. And because of that, where it is also changes relative to where in its arc the blade happens to be at any given moment.

This causes the Mothra to feel a lot less like a competition balisong and a lot more like a medieval flail. Its spins are by necessity long and slow, and if you try to apply any kind of speed to any trick and break concentration even for a split second it will positively leap out of your hand and away, seemingly of its own accord. The action is epicyclic, with its center shifting around in an unintuitive manner; circles within circles. Again, this could have been remedied by a just using a thinner blade so it'd weigh less. Indeed, the monstrously fat blade is cool and all just in and of itself, but if Mantis wanted to do something like that'd it'd probably have been a better idea to put it on an ordinary folder or similar and not their flagship balisong. Just saying.

And here's the other thing. Have you spotted it?

The Mothra's clip is in the wrong place.

No, I don't mean on the wrong side of its handle because my objectively correct opinion is to prefer it to be rearward towards your pocket seam when clipped and I always complain about that, nerrr. No, it's on the fucking safe handle. The one you hold, and have to spin and roll over in your hand when you're manipulating the knife. That's not where it belongs. There's a reason it always goes on the bite handle, at least on other knives, and also why that's the side with the latch. But here it isn't, and there are no mounting holes on that handle so it can't be put there. So it's in the way. Always. And it's massively disconcerting.

The only cure for that is to just take it off.

Okay, yes, there's nothing stopping you from just popping the knife apart and flipping the blade over so the edge slots into the other handle instead. But now the latch is on what has become the safe handle, and that absolutely will come back to bite you (literally) if do that and then switch between this and a different knife.

I have no idea why this is. Do you hear me, Mantis? Fix it. Put the stupid holes on the other handle. There's plenty of room for them there; it'll be easy.

So yeah. It looks cool, it definitely has a gimmick, but it's all talk and nothing in the sack.

Look, here's the Mothra with a pair of other full sized balis. That's a Kershaw Moonsault on the left, and a Benchmade 42 on the right. The Mothra's about the width of a Moonsault (although it's thinner in profile), but about the same length as the Model 42. Monkey in the middle, there you go.

The Inevitable Conclusion

The entire Mantis BladeXchange series is one of those situations where there's a solution desperately in search of a problem. I mean, sure, you can theoretically use this to arrange your life so that your trainer balisong and your real balisong are the same knife. But so many compromises and sacrifices need to be made to get there that you have to ultimately ask yourself, is it worth it? A nice live balisong can be had for $200 (or a lot less), and trainer versions of various knives even from major manufacturers are basically free by comparison. I'm feeling like a two-knife solution is probably a better strategy overall.

That brings us back to that point I stuck a pin in earlier, actually. Riddle me this:

Where, precisely, is the value found in a balisong knife?

I mean, physically, not philosophically. Dollars and cents. What part of it makes it cost what it costs, $40 or $100 or $300 or whatever it is? Half of the world will say it is in the mechanicals: in the precision machine work, the design, the pivot mechanism, tuning the balance, and all of those tactile but ultimately conceptual things that take time and care to get right. That's why a flea market knife costs $20 and is crap, and why a Benchmade costs $300 and it isn't. Right?

The other half of the world will say it's obviously in the blade, dummy, with whatever fancy alloy steel it is plus all that heat treating and cryo quenching and sharpening and polish work. Which is clearly why, say, a live blade Flytanium FlyOne costs $500 but a Flytanium Zenith trainer is only $60. You dig?

Well, a whole Mothra costs you $180 real world dollars or so, but you can buy its blade loose for $35. And there ain't much precision machine work in the handles, which is all that's left over. Hell, they're even cast to reduce cost, and not very well at that. And as we saw there isn't a single washer, bushing, or bearing in the entire damn assemblage. Somehow here, one plus one comes out equaling five.

So where, exactly, is fancy bred? Is it in the heart, or in the head?