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submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by Flickerby@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

Title. Interested to see the response from different religions

Edit: Stating your religion would be appreciated. Lack of religion counts for the purpose of this question. Also let's not downvote people for differing religions, all voices are welcome here.

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[-] JASN_DE@feddit.org 30 points 2 weeks ago

No. I couldn't be with anyone who actually takes religion seriously. It just wouldn't work.

[-] sanderium@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 weeks ago
[-] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 5 points 2 weeks ago

who needs tinder when there's lemmy ?

[-] Ek-Hou-Van-Braai@piefed.social 5 points 2 weeks ago

Best way to find a boyfriend who knoes his way around Linux

[-] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 17 points 2 weeks ago

I wouldn't get involved with someone deeply religious. I'd consider someone religious if they were sufficiently wishy-washy about it, though, e.g. people who are christian and believe in it at least enough to not call themselves atheists or agnostics but don't really DO anything christian.

[-] Flickerby@lemm.ee 1 points 2 weeks ago

Would you turn someone down for believing in heaven/hell/etc alone?

[-] remotelove@lemmy.ca 13 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I am atheist and my wife is Buddhist. While not exactly true, I view Buddhism more as a philosophy and it is more palatable in that regard. My tolerance for people practicing religion is also fairly high as long as they don't try and "convert me".

As a result, I have been to plenty of ceremonies for things over the years and it doesn't bother me. Of course, I don't believe in any of that "magic" but there is usually loads of good food that comes attached, depending. (Also, there is a high probability of after-hours gambling and drinking which was cool when I did that stuff, at least with the Asian crowd I roll with.)

+20 years married into a Buddhist family, if you were wondering about that.

[-] Flickerby@lemm.ee 6 points 2 weeks ago

Am also atheist, I have an extreme...distaste for religion in general. There are some that I find easier to mesh with, very dependent on the person in particular. But I have some long married friends with vastly different religious views and they work out somehow.

[-] remotelove@lemmy.ca 8 points 2 weeks ago

Oh, I get it. My distaste for religion runs deep as well. However, in my own direct experience, I have not seen any overt religious-driven nasty behavior in my years around Buddhism. (Not to say that it doesn't exist, but I haven't seen it.)

For the record, I grew up in an extreme Southern Baptist area, and still hold the belief that all those fuckers are all pure evil.

[-] Flickerby@lemm.ee 3 points 2 weeks ago

Buddhism seems like one of the easier ones to mesh with, yeah. Thank you for your response, I appreciate it very much!

[-] Zeppo@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I had a gf who considered herself Christian. Not someone who talked about it a lot, but I guess she has some belief. I have a fairly negative view of organized religion in general. She really wanted to start going to church and I was um, wow, sounds horrible. She looked around found a church with surprisingly cool people - not at all bible thumpers, or full of pretentious nonsense, hell and brimstone, none of that. They support LGBTQ, operated a homeless shelter, gave sermons about pro-abortion rights and astronomy. I was pleasantly surprised. Still I ended up determining that I didn't want to wake up at 7:30 each Sunday to go there. I figured out that she viewed church more as a social club and some sort of tradition from her family.

If it was someone drastically different, like talking constantly about reading the bible and telling me I had to convert and basing half their life around it, absolutely not. I not only am not interested myself but I think it would illustrate some negative aspects of their personality that I don't want to be around. I had a gf who owned a retail store and people would come in and tell her ridiculous stories about Jesus healing people when they were missionaries in Africa. Later she'd tell me and ask "Do you think that was true? Jesus really DID THAT?" and I'd have to be um... no. That lady sounds like a liar or a psycho, sorry. Not great for a relationship. It turned out it was just some feel-good thing for her. She didn't read the bible or really know anything about scripture. Just thinking "magic jesus loves me" made her feel good. I'm only really vaguely religious but still I can't respect that.

[-] TheBananaKing@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

I'm atheist, and my partner was Muslim when I first knew her.

People say it doesn't mater - but honestly it really fucking does.

Imagine being in relationship with someone who never really left North Korea, deep down. There's so much fear, so much fear-driven obedience, and so much fear-driven defense of the indefensible.

I never really understood the concept of freedom of conscience until I was arguing with one of her friends about Amina Lawal, the Nigerian woman sentenced to death by stoning for adultery - with her sentence delayed until her baby was weaned. Despite being really very progressive at heart, my partner ended up arguing in favour of it - and then later on was seriously pissed off at me for making her defend that.

She ended up deconverting several years later (certainly not at my behest), and things got immeasurably better from then on.

But that's not a possibility I'd recommend banking on. My honest advice is just don't go there, it's far more stressful than you think it is.

[-] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 3 points 2 weeks ago

Damn that is hardcore

[-] Flickerby@lemm.ee 8 points 2 weeks ago

I'll chime in myself here. Am an atheist, have dated hard core Christian women, Wiccans, and atheists. I've found that religion didn't actively impact the relationship until it spilled over into daily life that my partner required I take part in. I actually really enjoyed religious history conversations with my more moderate partners. It started to break down when it was "shut up no debate this is how it is" and those are the relationships that ended badly.

[-] TheFriendlyDickhead@feddit.org 8 points 2 weeks ago

Atheist. In general I don't have a problem with religion, as long as it doesn't get uncomfortable. By that I mean stuff like forcing or forbidding me to do stuff. Not believing in basic science is a hard no as well.

But I feel like that's a problem that only part of the world has. Christianity in the U.S is a fucking cult. I don't think I could date anyone from that hardcore believe system. I'm from germany andI am yet to meet a christian that believe in the bullshit parts. Like believing in what the bible says alone is fucking weird to me and pretty much novody exeptfor hardcores does that here.

So I'd say for methe line is at "cult" level

[-] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I'm an atheist. I dated a woman once who believed in spirits. I think she experienced night terrors among other things and interpreted them as supernatural phenomena. It didn't cause problems then but I was a lot younger and I think now I'm less tolerant of that sort of thing. But who knows - I was crazy about her so maybe if I meet a woman I'm crazy about like that again then I'll tolerate anything.

More recently I've dated people who believe in a vague sort of life after death but never someone who practiced any religion. I think I would immediately rule out practicing religious people if I were going through a list (as when dating online) but if I met someone in person, really liked her, and then found out she was religious then I'm not sure what I would do. It would definitely be off-putting.

The problem for me isn't the lifestyle differences but rather my impression that religious people are missing the point about the basic nature of existence, when it really should be obvious. It makes me feel like I'm patronizing them, because to be frank I don't tend to think of them as my intellectual equals. (And I know that makes me sound like a pompous jerk.)

[-] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 1 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Yea I kinda get the same feeling. Although for a lot of people their religion does not preclude the acceptation/understanding of a physical world, it's a more of set of rites that they inherited and that's part of their identity. There's plenty of religious people who are scientists. For some, I imagine it may be difficult to reconcile.

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[-] Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Hard to say for sure really.

I can respect someone's religious views as long as they aren't trying to push them on me. That's to say; not trying to make me believe the same or insist that I have to follow the rules of their chosen religion.

As far as my own views go; I don't follow any particular religion. I don't necessarily believe there isn't some form of god, but I don't follow/believe in any specific deity either. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't; but there have been hundreds of thousands of gods/goddesses/deities/religious figures throughout human history. Who's to say you've chosen the correct one, along with the correct set of (sometimes oddly specific) rules and regulations to go along with it?

You want commandments to follow? Here's one:

"Don't be an asshole"

Everything else kind of just falls into place around that. As long as we can respect each other and our differences; yeah, romance is certainly possible.

[-] MyDarkestTimeline01@ani.social 4 points 2 weeks ago

Depends. Do they love and respect me? Are they trying to convert me every chance they get?

[-] Flickerby@lemm.ee 1 points 2 weeks ago

Where do you draw the line? That's what I'm curious about

[-] MyDarkestTimeline01@ani.social 4 points 2 weeks ago

I don't. Believe whatever you want to believe. My wife thinks bigfoot, ancient aliens, ghosts, werewolves, vampires, demons, angels, etc exist. I think that statically aliens have to exist but the rest are bunk. It doesn't affect me if she believes those things.

[-] Geodad@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

I could maybe see myself with a pagan, but it depends on how much woo they believe in.

Luckily, a wonderful atheist woman found me and we've been married going on 10 years now.

[-] Libb@jlai.lu 4 points 2 weeks ago

I don't date/wed a religion, or a god. Only a person.

That being said, there would still be the obvious limit that I would have to like (and be liked by) the person which, as far as I'm concerned, would most probably exclude some of the more... extreme religious beliefs.

[-] vaguerant@fedia.io 4 points 2 weeks ago

There's already several comments saying "depends on the beliefs and how important they are," and obviously there's that.

I'll add that there are beliefs people don't immediately think of when talking about religion. There's religious humanism, which is a secular religion based around behaving ethically which also has a bunch of traditions similar to spiritually-based religions, minus the spirituality. Adherents (can) attend church and hear sermons on ways to be a better person, etc.

I'm not a religious humanist but they sound like they're probably decent enough people. They're quite different to my generic fediverse atheist/irreligious views, in the sense that I don't have any desire to attend congregations of people who identify as religiously ethical, but I don't harbor any strong objections to their beliefs.

Personally, I understand it more as something that might be nice for people who have left spiritual religion but still want the trappings of a place to go and be with a community of like-minded people, but that's not my experience. Ultimately, that's probably about as far as I'd be comfortable, where we have roughly equivalent spiritual views but highly divergent religious views.

[-] Flickerby@lemm.ee 2 points 2 weeks ago

Thank you for this insight! I had no idea myself

[-] NoneOfUrBusiness@fedia.io 3 points 2 weeks ago

Muslim here and nope. Setting aside that it's forbidden in Islam, I'd have to get them on board with so many things they might as well convert.

[-] Flickerby@lemm.ee 1 points 2 weeks ago

Do you live in a country where Muslim religion is assumed or do you have to ask their religion right off? That seems rough

[-] NoneOfUrBusiness@fedia.io 2 points 2 weeks ago

I'm an immigrant in a country where save for a small foreign diaspora Muslims basically don't exist, so while I'm choosing to leave this stuff for future me to figure out, if I ever do choose to find someone it'll be rough going.

[-] Flickerby@lemm.ee 2 points 2 weeks ago

Ouch. That does seem complicated. I wish you luck!

[-] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

My wife was a freeform muslim when we met and we learned a lot from each other, then again she's a very flexible and tolerant being. I was and still am pretty much agnostic I guess. No strong opinion... no horse in the cosmic race

[-] floo@retrolemmy.com 3 points 2 weeks ago
[-] aturtlesdream@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Not anyone who is actively/strongly religious of any kind. Philosophical/spiritual beliefs is fine with me but anyone who is drinking the Kool-Aid is either delusional or dumb (and probably stubborn/hard to reason with). I was raised Catholic (even went to Catholic school from elementary up to finishing HS) but would consider myself somewhere between agnostic and atheist now

[-] jordanlund@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago
[-] Bo7a@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 weeks ago

Atheist here. Married a Christian who was into missions, taught Sunday school, etc...

Love is love and we don't choose who we fall in love with.

I never once tried to convert her, or call out her beliefs. But over time (she was from a small religious (mennonite) town) she came to see on her own how the indoctrination was just a cover for a lot of evil shit that went down in the church, and in its name.

She is no longer Christian, and veers towards agnosticism, but when pressed would say she is now more aligned with animism, or the idea that nature is the only 'face' of a god that is not a conscious being, but is just the culmination of all the processes in nature.

[-] Rhaedas@fedia.io 2 points 2 weeks ago

I think the biggest problem is when one partner believes that the other is condemned for eternity in some way (not just a hell, but also other forms like reincarnation to a lower state or anything else deemed bad)...and either they spend the relationship trying to change the other person and probably ruining it, or worse, they accept that fate for someone they claim to love.

As an atheist, I don't have that concern that my loved one is doomed to torment somehow, I just have the here and now to try and make their life with me as pleasant as I can. There is the issue of whether or not an atheist could live with someone whose rational is governed by beliefs that affect their judgement, either like mentioned above trying to convert them for their sake, or in other ways where religion steers them vs. having their own thoughts. But for what I think is a large majority, religious people mostly go through the motions if any just to fill some subconscious uncertainty and it's not enough to threaten a relationship with a differing viewpoint.

The human brain is very good at compartmentalizing things to help us get through the day.

[-] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 1 points 2 weeks ago

Yea I suppose if you consider your significant other to be a filthy kuffar doomed to wade through lava for the rest of time.... that relationship is going to be a ride

[-] fraksken@infosec.pub 2 points 2 weeks ago

Atheist, married to a Buddhist. He prays daily and has his rituals.

Made it clear from the start that I'm ok with religion as long as they don't try to convert me or harm others.

Aside some dietary requirements, it works quite well. Married for 9 years now.

This works quite well for us, but results and experience may differ based on religion, patience and personal beliefs. I imagine I might have a hard time dating a religious zealot though.

[-] DeuxChevaux@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Same here. I am not interested in religion (so not even really atheist), wife is Buddhist doing Buddhist things. Married for 40 years this year, and it's not an issue.

[-] Opinionhaver@feddit.uk 2 points 2 weeks ago

Most likely not. Depends how serious they are about it and how big of an factor it plays in their daily lives. Belief in god, to me, is an indication that a person is not capable of thinking rationally. At least not to the extent that I'm expecting from a parther. I don't want to be with someone who can't be reasoned with.

[-] Pika@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 weeks ago

as long as they aren't going to force me into said religion I would be fine with it, if I dated anyway.

I would try to support them and all but, I'm agnostic

[-] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 1 points 2 weeks ago

I'm an aethiset, she was christian. I moved on fairly quickly, it's just looppy shit i would have started to laugh..

I assumed she'd come to her senses, she assumed I could be indoctrinated.

[-] Almacca@aussie.zone 1 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I wouldn't get involved with someone from any religion.

[-] dingus@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Anti-religious atheist here.

You know what...years ago I would have said "no". Imo, often fundamentalist religious people have views that actively harm society through systemic actions. So it's not something I am able to generally sit well with.

However, years back I met someone irl (not online) with absolutely polar opposite political and religious views as me. I am an atheist who actually opposes the concept of religion in general and I am very liberal. This person I know is very Catholic and conservative. They are a hardcore Trumper and I have always seen him as a dangerous threat to the US.

Yet...

Over the years, this person has legitimately become my absolute best friend. They are the kindest, funniest, most wonderful person I know. I absolutely love spending time with them. We just don't debate our polar opposite viewpoints. We still share and talk about deep, personal things...but we don't instigate political debates or anything like that. I take their views as someone who has been brainwashed by society, and I'm sure they feel the same about me. But it means that I don't see them as evil for their views and am able to easily look past that.

I don't know what the fuck I would do in life if I ever lost them. Sometimes they are the reason why I look forward to the rest of my day.

We are not romantically involved or anything. They have a partner and a family, and I wouldn't be interested with doing that with this person anyway.

But the point is, it taught me that I can have a very deep, personal connection with someone with polar opposite views. Ideally, I would like for a partner to share my views. But life has shown me that it is possible to be opposite like that and still really deeply care for and enjoy someone.

[-] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

No lol

I couldn't be equals with someone who isn't living in grounded reality.

[-] stepan@lemmy.ca 1 points 2 weeks ago
[-] FriditaBonita@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

No. Spirituality is a very core value. I wouldn't negotiate it.

[-] Kolanaki@pawb.social 1 points 2 weeks ago

I am strongly atheist, and I don't think I could ever feel like they were equal in intelligence, and respect someone who believes in total nonsense.

[-] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 1 points 2 weeks ago

Eww, no, I'd never date anyone with religious views.

[-] qyron@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 weeks ago

I'm laic.

What beliefs a person holds to themselves is indiferent to me. And it should not matter to anyone. Relationships are a negotiated endeavour, from both parts, where everyone gives a little to reach a mutual understanding.

Unless a person subscribes views capable of leading to individual, personal and socially harmful and regressive thought and action, it does not matter.

Removing the religious view from your question: would you date a vegan, not being one? Would you date a non vegan, being yourself one?

Zealotry goes both ways. Both the believer and the non believer can entrench themselves in their views so deeply they become fanatics.

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this post was submitted on 22 Jun 2025
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