Bring home a boyfriend and call both of them daddy

Time crawls when your kids don't speak to you during retirement.

Next time the dad says "Well that went quicker than I thought" you just repeat the same line he said to you.

This is gay but is it fake?

Moral high ground. "I'm disappointed in your lack of ethics," and walk out.

Or you could move out of mom and dads house and be an adult.