Presdigitation (not even gonna try to spell it right), Druidcraft, and Thaumaturgy

• Cantrip
• Does, like, whatever I fuckin' feel like and can get away with. What do you mean Druidcraft can make buds open? No, if can make whole plants!

That party never would have survived in 2nd ed.

Me and a few of my partymates had the message cantrip, and I pointed out that due to the cantrip's effects, we can virtually "have a telepathic group chat" via those of us who have the cantrip.

At first, I tried to stick to the illusion that I act as an intermediary to those in my range but doesn't have the cantrip, and that I identify myself before I speak up ("Megane here... blah blah blah").

The more it went on, the more the facade broke and eventually we were just discussing strategy under the assumption that it's "message-mediated".

The DM allowed it, and later gave all party members an artifact that has the following effects:

• anyone with the artifact can telepathically send a message to everyone else who has the artifact (within range)
• those who have the artifact can hear any and all such messages sent through the artifact (within range)

Later on, even the range stipulation was handwaved off (within limits—basically those who are in the same scene are assumed to be in range of each other).

Near the end of the campaign, the DM reminded us through an NPC that we're all "staring off into the distance" whenever we use this telepathic "group chat". We basically forgot to talk to each other normally (in character).

For your group I would have a DM screen and a DM stick. The screen to obscure roles, notes and and have all that nifty quick reference stuff on the inside.

The stick so I can wack anyone tryin his bullshit. Week one it would started as a padded wiffle bat. And each week it would be upgraded to a more solid and rougher hitting object

My favorite thing to do when I was a monk was walk on water or walls. My DM would tell me that I could not end my turn while walking up a wall and that I would need to roll an athletics roll to hold on. I would retort Nuh uh, because that is bullshit.

My buddy was recently a rogue that could get surprise attacks in shadows. He would jump from shadow to shadow. We were in the underdark. A cabin was in the middle of an open cavern, it was well lit by lanterns. Said friend wanted to jump from porch post shadow to porch post shadow until he was in the shadows of a rocking chair where a sleepy enemy sat. DM and buddy got in a 30 minute shouting match countering each others argument with bullshit.

I had an echo knight once. Could leap and teleport onto ledges and escape prisons. DM got so flustered that he was the one that called bullshit. Character was promptly incinerated.

DND nights are fun.

My favorite thing for DMing a Pathfinder game for a guy that only listens to Critical Role. "That's not how it works in DnD. This is bullshit. I wouldn't have taken it if I knew it worked differently."

If I wrote a CRPG game, like an ASCII roguelike or something, I would totally include a spell that makes the target shit its pants. You could make that work, it would even be a useful thing in combat. Vampire lord misses a turn because he just shat his pants.

I have a friend who plays a sorcerer who abuses the hell out of Mold Earth, Shape Water, and Create Bonfire. RAW most of the things he gets away with shouldn't work, but the DM rarely calls him on it. His most egregious attempt was when he tried to basically part a sea Moses style by casting Create Bonfire and expanding the flame with Control Flames, intending to evaporate all the water occupying the space of the flames. This was too much even for our otherwise pretty lenient DM.

Oml, I could never, that's some problem player shit right there.

pathfinder (2e) fixes this by adding flavor text and/or being more specific

i totally don't just have a group of lazy people who don't even want to use spells