Amateur.

I put down a little cubicle and promise them an unspecified amount of blood at some vague point in the future based on attendance and productivity.

It's the only way to kill the mosquito's soul.

They usually fly into a rock on purpose after that, especially after I tell them that I need them to come in on Saturday.

Rum after salt? You could at least do the mosquito a solid and give them tequila.

This would probably work on me.

Mosquitoes love sugar, as everyone knows

This may be a little too smart. They're gonna go extinct

That will work only for humans!