Online Dating (2 questions) (lemmy.world)

submitted 6 months ago by dohpaz42@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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First question: how would you handle situations where you show interest in someone by writing a thoughtful blurb (maybe even witty), and they liked it enough to match with you, but not actually respond?

Second question: for those people out there who have someone show interest in you by writing a thoughtful blurb (maybe even witty), why would you not at least also say hi or some other basic acknowledgment? What is the expectation?

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[-] Slatlun@lemmy.ml 9 points 6 months ago

It feels bad when you put in time and thought without any response. That's not their fault. It isn't your fault. Something didn't jive and that was a miss for both of you.

There is no expectation. Just like you don't have to respond to me here. Actually, I take that back. The expectation is that they (and you) will only engage their own (or your own) terms. Neither of you owes the other anything.

What would I do? I would take no response as a hint and back off entirely. Matching carries absolutely no obligation to respond to me.

[-] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 4 points 6 months ago

You’re absolutely right about how no one has to respond or keep a conversation going past its expiration date. If anything, I just find it odd to match with someone and not take it any further.

[-] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Sometimes you match while swiping absent-mindedly, and lose interest on a second look.

Sometimes you hit it off with someone else first.

Sometimes you just have so many matches that some of them fall through the cracks and get buried.

I'm going to guess that you do not have a lot of matches, so each one feels precious. But it's likely that your match has dozens, if not hundreds, of matches themselves.

Crafting a message that comes off as interesting without seeming desperate is a very delicate skill, and even if you nail it you can still get overlooked. That's life.

Dating apps are largely a numbers game. You've just got to tune your profile and try not to be too picky yourself. Most of your matches are going to go nowhere, and you can't let that bog you down.

[-] datavoid@sh.itjust.works 0 points 6 months ago

Sometimes you just have so many matches that some of them fall through the cracks and get buried

Things sure have changed since I was on the apps...

[-] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 months ago

I'm assuming OP is a man matching with women, and that's always been pretty typical for women.

[-] Krudler@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago

Don't take anything personally.

Everybody moves at a different speed, and if the speed isn't working for you, take it as a sign. I have found that people who take their sweet time responding end up being a little selfish, because they don't see you as a person who's investing time to get to know them, all they see is when it's convenient for them to reply.

Sometimes people go on a date and have a great time and then they just don't go back on the app. Likewise, sometimes people go on the app and they only need about 24 hours to feel like that was a huge mistake and they don't come back.

And as for declining or not responding to a blurb. I feel that's completely fine, you don't even need to reply. Not everybody is for everybody, and it's not your job to soothe feelings. Swiping the other way, or ignoring, is a clear sign you're not interested, and that's all is required in the adult world.

[-] etchinghillside@reddthat.com 2 points 6 months ago

Give them a few days or week to respond and then attempt to engage the conversation again with a different blurb.

[-] Asafum@feddit.nl 2 points 6 months ago

Depends on the site, but since they're all swipe swipe swipe tinder clones now I'd have to guess they were quick swiping people they found attractive. The algorithm happened to show you to them since you reached out, but they either weren't in the mood to actually engage in that moment or they found some other reason to not move forward after matching.

[-] manuallybreathing@lemmy.ml 1 points 6 months ago

The best relationships I have developed are those that arose organically in my late 20s / early 30s, online dating sucks and was always an awkward disaster

[-] Icytrees@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Move on. Whatever happened, they're not interested enough to respond.
I usually respond to thoughtful comments even if I'm not interested. When I don't it's because I started dating someone/got busy and haven't had time to go through all the messages -OR- it wasn't as thoughtful or witty as they think and I don't want to engage.

Some examples:

"You sound like a lot of fun. My wife and I recently opened our relationship and..."
"You don't seem like other girls, a rare find in this place..."
"I know your profile says no one over (x) years old but I'm (2x) and..."
"You look like lots of fun. My wife, her boyfriend and I have opened our relationship and..."

[-] captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 months ago

Just...don't. Don't date.

[-] JeeBaiChow@lemmy.world 1 points 6 months ago

Move on mate. Plenty of fish in the sea to sweat the minnows.

this post was submitted on 14 Oct 2025

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