Competition? I don't see why we can't work together

win, somehow

Consulting the made up Chuck Schumer in my head and asking what he would do

Schumer! My tulpas are even more pathetic! I'm a joke to you!

changing all the passwords so only I know them one day before a major launch and then dying

I deliberately shit myself and pass out on the floor in public. I still win.

So if I win, I lose and if I lose I win? And I have to fall into this logic vortex with Chuck Fucking Schumer? As if that idea didn't already make me motion sick...

concede

I congratulate my opponent, but encourage him to go further.