You can tell this is fake because caffeine withdrawal does NOT just cause "lethargy" people would be going home with headaches and worse.
100% this. By the afternoon the first day it would be anarchy in that office. Headaches, crabby aggression, screaming, crying.
Plus, what entire office actually drinks all the same coffee from the same source?
Plus, what entire office actually drinks all the same coffee from the same source?
If it's coffee provided by the company for free, yes they are.
we have a free espresso machine and two free large cafetieres and a coffee shop where you pay on the ground floor. A lot of my colleagues still go to Starbucks across the street.
We have free coffee in our office. It's terrible. Only half the people drink it. Others buy their own.
Some, but certainly not all. People have their preferred coffee, out go out for the sake of going out. Free isn't an absolute determiner of human behavior.
Plus, what entire office actually drinks all the same coffee from the same source?
Yah that what I find the most hard to believe, especially given the writer is sipping a monster energy drink.
LinkedIn lunatic material
Well it would have to be real and not a “lawyer meme” as well
From the moment I understood the weakness of my biology, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of the boot. I aspired to the purity of Corporate Governance. Your kind cling to your caffeine, as though it will not crash and fail you. One day the crude occupation you call a “job” will be laid off, and you will beg the Government to save you. But I am already saved, for profits are immortal… Even in death I serve the Shareholders.
I hate how much sense this makes. Well, I guess the original is meant to be satire in real life so whatever
If this was remotely true the
Looked ashamed of his natural biology
Would 100% be the psycho misreading this:
I mean, this is the reverse of unknowingly drugging someone, not sure if this is illegal or not, but it feels illegal lol
Pretty sure it's illegal
if it was true it's abuse~
Just like corporate governance.
Noob mistake!
A professional biological terrorist knows that you need to mix decaf beans and light roast beans (high in caffeine) into the bean reservoir at 50/50, resulting in randomly varying amounts of caffeine per brewing cycle/cup of coffee.
Never let their caffeine tolerance know the next move!
coffee does genuinely nothing to me except make me unable to sleep at night. dont get the people that are depending on it daily
A likely indicator of ADHD
Coffee doesn't even do that to me, nor does any caffine. Hell I can drink a monster energy right before bed
Caffeine withdraw is no joke, that’s how you get a really bad migraine or worse.
Should I stop drinking caffeine? I have two in the morning(7am and 8 am) and then none for the rest of the day. Am I subjecting myself to daily caffeine withdrawal?
(I only take medical advice from random internet people btw, never LLMs or 3D doctors)
The withdrawal symptoms would typically start in the afternoon on a day when you missed having caffeine in the morning altogether. But it will depend on your size and metabolism as well as how much caffeine you consume in one serving and how long you have been drinking it habitually.
If anything, you should drink more coffee
I remember this "prank" scribed on some BBS or web page from the early 2000's, possibly even the 90's.
Everything old is new again!
read so many variants as well.
still a shitty thing to do to people
Making things up and sharing them on the internet?
An example of the most moral corporate executive. Involuntary biology experiments on unsuspecting subordinates seems like an upgrade from what they're doing normally through the psychological torment.
a coffee lover knows difference
You think these people drink coffee for the flavor?
They're addicts.
I tried coffee once, I do not recommend. I couldn't sleep for two days and was extremely anxious, could not focus on anything. Strongest chemical I've tried, bar the sleeping potion for the wisdom teeth
what are you twelve?
I adore coffee. But how would they know the caffeine levels of the coffee? That's just not available. It's either decaf or not.
Light roast tends to be more caffeinated than darker roasts.
Also, different bean times have different amounts of caffeine, but I haven't tested this personally.
Fake, but I would love to see it happening IRL.
The red flag for me was saying he switched the decaf for the highest caffeine roast available.
Decaf is roasted pretty dark, because the roasty flavors that creates help cover up some of the flavor destruction you get from the decaffeination process.
High caffeine roasts are light ones, though, because the roasting process itself slowly degrades the caffeine.
Thus, he's saying he replaced a bunch of dark roast decaf coffee with one of the lightest available, and nobody noticed. That'd be like swapping someone's chocolate milk for strawberry milk and them somehow not noticing. You'd even see the difference the moment you looked at the beans, because almost-black and very light brown are different colors.
Next time someone wants to share this story, say you replaced the decaf with a similar roast of regular. That will at least sound plausible to the coffee people.
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