"MoNeY cAn'T bUy HaPpInEsS"

It sure as fuck can buy some sense of safety to focus on "wants", like children. The wealthy want the labor force to be born, yet are doing everything they can to suck them dry of every financial well-being they try to get. Then they got the gall to write these wedge pieces blaming a generation for not doing some fucking survival gymnastics to fulfill their gloom and doom future!

I mean, same for me. I keep joking that I'm too selfish to have kids, but the reality is I'm not so rich I can afford to have enough help to still live my lifestyle.

/thread

Pretty much. I have kids and we only made that choice when our finances were in reasonable shape. We'd have never made the choice to have them, if we didn't think we could afford them. Because ya, kids are expensive.

I am supporting myself fine and I don't want kids because I'd have to sacrifice the quality of life I'm living now. I couldn't maintain my current quality of life financially with a kid even if time weren't an issue.

Instead of trickle down, we should have piñata economics

I just had this conversation with my SO today. And I said that knowing her parents are going to be close alleviates a bit of the anxiety around having kids. Not because I need their guidance, but to give me a break that I will need to have.

$5K/mo for a sleep pod

The sleep pod.

I'm not sure it will get that bad. Although, after accounting for inflation, you may not be far off on the price of such a "palace".

I strongly suspect that we are at the start of a "rebalancing" here in the US. We are starting to see it in the labor market. Fewer people seem to be heading for degrees that aren't paying and are opting instead for the trades. Which, while good for them, the nation and the states, is going to kinda suck for me in a few years as the job market I'm in becomes more and more saturated and I get older and older.

My husband and I had two kids because we (1) both have union jobs with decent worklife balance, and (2) had high quality yet reasonably priced daycare in our neighborhood. (It still cost us more than our mortgage when both were in daycare.) If we didn't have that we'd have only one kid and still make some pretty big sacrifices (we both really wanted kids). I truly don't know how other people do it without kind, generous family members nearby or very high paying jobs. ETA: We know A LOT of families with only one kid.

I do not have the same experiences you have, but your considerations are one for one the ones I make. I'm not putting someone else in this mess if I can help it.

I have two questions:

1. How old are you?
2. What do your friends with kids say about why they have a kid?

I think you may be projecting your own expectations onto others. I'm one of those folks in a small town, with kids. And yes, it absolutely does add to the daily workload. It is also incredibly rewarding and has gotten more so as the kids get older. In my opinion, having kids is a very expensive exercise in delayed gratification. The first few years will be rough. But, there are the small moments along the way which just make all that effort so very worth it.

It’s so unusual to go to the pub after work and everyone my age leaves before sunset and the only ones sticking around are in their 20s.
Where I used to live, people would arrive at the pub at 8 because they were watching a friend’s afternoon gig, at the climbing gym, or catching up with other friends first.
Here, they’re up at 5 to get ready, then get the kids ready...

This sort of thing is down to personal preferences and shifting priorities. When I was younger, childless and single, I would have enjoyed the more social atmosphere. As I have gotten older, married and had kids, my priorities and wants have shifted. The idea of hanging out at a pub with strangers for hours, drinking my paycheck away has lost any appeal. It's not a matter of not being able to, I actually go to a climbing gym several times a week. But, I go to climb, not to socialize. Sure, I talk with others, but it's not my focus while I am there. It's just that I don't want that sort of lifestyle. I'd rather be at home, playing games with the family or engaging in my own hobbies. Let the young bucks have the pub, I have "better things" to do with my time. And, I suspect you're the other side of that coin, you likely see the time out socializing as the "better things". Far from being "miserable and broke", I'm actually really happy with my life and in a good place financially.

I feel like I don’t belong here simply because I’m aware of the reality I’m in and the little life I normally get each day is too precious for so many reasons. It’s so weird that people understood this in my much bigger city, but not here

You probably don't belong there. You are in a different mental place from the folks living around you with different priorities. It's not a matter of people "failing to understand" anything, it's that you are failing to consider the situation from their perspective. You'd rather feel smug and superior to others; so, you project your own views on to them and declare their lives somehow "wrong" or "bad". In fairness, they are probably judging you too. No doubt you are facing many people claiming that "you'll change your mind later" or other such drivel. If want you really want is the fast paced social life, a small town is probably not the best choice for a home.

I think under earlier circumstances, I’d have made an excellent parent.

Maybe, maybe not. The article touches on this, but I think it's important that it's explicit. One of the important things for having kids is wanting to have kids. It will change your life drastically. If you aren't ready for that, you will be miserable. If you're miserable and blame your children for that misery, you are going to make their lives miserable. I remember hearing the phrase "oh, you're never really ready for kids" so many times before I had kids. And yes, it's sorta true. However, it's also really, really bad advice. Kids will change your life (and you) in so many ways that it's impossible to explain fully and to be fully prepared for. They will also do things that you just don't have the mental framework to deal with; but, you slap it together really fast, because you have no other choice. "oh look at the cute baby in a onesie...wait, is that onesie also full of runny baby shit?! Why is it green, and what are those odd chunks? The fuck do I do now?" At the same time, you need to be in a stable personal and financial situation before you consider kids. If your personal life or financial situation is already unstable, kids are NOT going to help with that. You can be "ready" for kids, in that you have a stable life, but they will absolutely throw you a shit, piss and puke covered curveball now and again.

There are stronger people out there than me and I admire them for it, but I’m not willing to risk myself and another human to find out if this engine at 90% capacity has another secret gear.

Na, they're nothing special. Humans are amazingly resilient, we can adapt to just about anything. I'm willing to bet you would too, if that was what you wanted. That you don't is just fine and it's nice we live in a society where you are free to make that choice and have to tools to do so, without having to give up sex. But, also keep in mind that this is (for many) the life they picked. And they are likely happy overall. Maybe spend less time judging them and more time trying to understand life from their perspective, you might learn a bit about yourself along the way as well.

I'm a millennial with a child and I'm so happy. The company you keep just seems dumb. They sound like people that can't make choices for themselves. You can absolutely plan having a child if you want one and still be happy. We live in a tiny two bedroom apartment and it's fine.

Another millennial adding on:

5. Bringing a sentient life into a world of suffering and climate change that will only worsen seems malicious to that life, at this point.
6. My partner really doesn't want to go through the body changes that come with pregnancy.

Additional emphasis on #3, even if it didn't compromise safety, a healthy pregnancy is expensive! Healthcare from any complications is financially devastating.

Small aside that adoption is not off the table for us, but we're not financially comfortable to get a dog yet, which we've been saving for for a few years. One of us would need to get a huge raise to be able to afford the costs of adoption and raising of a human child.

Just asking, but how would you have titled it?

The article's title wasn't misleading. It contained what it said on the tin. Not it's fault that we are slightly more well informed than many others.