I mean, realistically I probably don't

Find an abandoned building and make it a home. Steal resources from those that can afford to lose them. Become a professional hobo. Teach others and raise a hobo army called The Hob Nobs. Take over the United Kingdom and rebrand it the United Hob Nobdom. Free healthcare and education for everyone. Eton becomes a school for children with learning disabilities. Prisoners are rehabilitated, royal family and aristocracy are imprisoned. Public policy is based on reasoned argument, scientific principles and evidence based. Drugs are legalised. Conservatism is banned. Money is abandoned. War is illegal. Everyone is happy.

OP's mother already has me on retainer

If I were homeless I'd just buy a house, duh

Assuming that I'm in a position where even fast food chains won't hire me (and believe me, these guys will hire anyone), beg for spare change; get enough to buy packed water and start selling it on public spots. This should get me enough to feed myself and save up a little. Sleep in parks. Use gyms to shower.

After I can reasonably do my hygiene too, try to apply jobs within my local range. Newspaper job listings could also help a lot here. There always exists some need for a job in somewhere after all. I'd be guaranteed a minimum wage (which is not a lot in my country), but definetly would let me afford rent and food. This is a satisfactory end for some people already, but to get bigger you can try to find work in smaller political parties next to get connections (sometimes people that rake in lot of money could have the dumbest political ideas); or save up to get a small motorbike to open up your job opportunities even further.

Befriend an idealised version of yourself and start stealing fat from the backyards of clinics that practice liposuction. Then make soap and "other stuff" with the fat while you build a secret society of homeless people and use it to destroy the very infrastructure of world economy and finance.

You should be fine.

Overdose and die.

I would pick up a trade. You can make decent money as an electrician's apprentice or as a roofer depending on your body weight and strength.

You can also go and join the Ironworkers union.

If trades are not viable for you, I would apply at the cheapest college you can get into that has dorms.

Yeah you're going to be picking up a shit ton of debt but you would have a place to stay and a thing to do to help improve your future and the opportunity to meet new people.

If neither trades nor college or something you can or will do, then I would pick up odd jobs and save up the money to get the cheapest car that you can sleep in and then start figuring out what you can do from there.

I'd find a social worker to lean on for help and a shelter for temporary housing. It's a long road, but that's where I would start my journey. You'd have to baby step it and hope a couple things come together simultaneously.

I mean ... you've taken away my job skills. So crime I guess.

Find a safe area to find a retail job in and start learning some skills. I spent 24 years in retail, over half in management, and made a good living doing so.

You just have to be:

1. Reliable, I can’t stress this enough. Be there before they ask, take every opportunity they give you to work more hours (assuming you’re hourly). This is the #1 reason people don’t get the opportunity to move up and/or get fired.

2. Willing to cross train in other departments. This is always a good thing.

3. Willing to listen to superiors, take criticism and work on what they’re telling you for your development.

4. Developed. Once in a job, look for leaders to work under to mentor and develop you. This is crucial as you’ll excel faster with good leadership. Even Walmart has good leaders if you know what to look for. Does this person lead a team and support them or are they just a boss that demands things happen with no support?

5. Willing to get out of your comfort zone daily. Being homeless will quicken this skill but it’s still imperative that you don’t hold yourself back in the work world because you’re afraid to fail. I mean, how much worse can it get for you?

Lastly, sorry to hear you or others may be going through something like this. I hope shelter, safety, and support is found quickly.

Rob some shops, learn an instrument I could busk with, suck some dick for tips.

I either kill myself or charm my way to a warm bed and some semblance of stability while I climb up the job skills ladder.

I view the latter option as morally reprehensible, but I guess if I’m honest from the get go, I could justify it.

Find some houses in the suburbs and start mowing lawns.

Realistically, if it has gotten to that point it would be for a reason(addiction, mental health, etc). You would have to address that reason. If you can't then there are 3 options:

1. You turn to crime. Go to SF, it's considered a misdemeanor to rob anything lower than $900. This also applies per job so if you hit 2 stores and gather $899 worth of goods in both, the worst case scenario is a few days in jail. It's basically free money. You can keep doing this until laws change.

2. You try to get government assistance in some way. You may need rehabilitation so you would need to probably hurt yourself and go to a hospital. Then after that's sorted, you need to figure out everything on the streets. If that means going to a YMCA, going through whatever process to get medical and food assistance, get temporary housing.. you can basically live rent free as long as you clean up.

3. If 1 and 2 don't work, going to jail might work for you. Go and try to fake a serious crime and get arrested. You can then go to jail and have everything taken care of for you.

If all that doesn't work, you will need to put more thought into it. You could try panhandling, you could try to hitch a train to another area to live.. most likely though you are going to kill yourself.

Eat a bullet.

Almost at 69 up🫶otes

Opiates.