I've been wandering around my neighborhood armed with a Gladius (trad roman, my ancestors were gladiators) and I'm searching for CCP spies I know are out there. (hexbear.net)

submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net

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I held the nice lady who has a garden at knife point and demanded she say "CCP" as we all know Chinese demons cant's say CCP since there's a hex on their brains controlled by Xi. The police were called and they took my phone and I'm sitting in a squad car. Little did they know I boofed an extra burner phone just for this exact scenario. No doubt they're taking me to the local party headquarters for torture. Even the police are in on this. DON'T USE TIKTOK

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[-] AcidMarxist@hexbear.net 20 points 7 months ago

Sorry sweaty, if your ancestors were gladiators you arent a REAL roman, youre probably a stanky gaul or germanic

[-] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 10 points 7 months ago

shatter

[-] duderium@hexbear.net 17 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

A dude I knew in high school got the cops called on him once because he was waving around a sword in the woods while dressed as a medieval monk. He also came to school dressed that way on the first day of junior year (without the sword). I think he has a farm or something now and sells like hand-crafted knives.

[-] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 18 points 7 months ago

Dude's rock.

[-] SuperZutsuki@hexbear.net 8 points 7 months ago

May I see it? (the dude's rock)

[-] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 10 points 7 months ago

Calling officer Debrewski a traitor to the United States and asking how much Xi is paying him?!

[-] Nakoichi@hexbear.net 3 points 7 months ago

Debrewski

I'm fucking dying lmao

[-] Nakoichi@hexbear.net 10 points 7 months ago

Incredible bit. gold-anarchist

[-] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 9 points 7 months ago

Thanks, I'm sick rn and I think the brainworms helped.

[-] allthetimesivedied@hexbear.net 7 points 7 months ago

This is a good bit. Delightfully deranged.

[-] GinAndJuche@hexbear.net 5 points 7 months ago

Stuff like this makes me really appreciate human creativity. How this thought process occurred is beyond me. Yet, delightful is just the word for it.

[-] DyingOfDeBordom@hexbear.net 3 points 7 months ago

probably channeling things a relative/neighbor said

[-] GinAndJuche@hexbear.net 3 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Channeling is a skill set. The mantling of another’s mindset, a wild hunt that forces the shitposter to join and create bits instead of the whole murder thing.