743
submitted 10 months ago by ItzzMe@midwest.social to c/196@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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[-] Raykin@lemmy.world 122 points 10 months ago

Ah, the dead man's switch. It always reminds me of the time my homophobic uncle-in-law died in a car crash and they found his secret stash of gay porn in the wreckage. Yeah, good luck explaining that one at the pearly gates my man.

[-] drolex@sopuli.xyz 111 points 10 months ago

What a brave man. While trying to protect the society from the evils of homosexualiness (rainbows, questionable moustaches, etc), he still tried to study the enemy to understand their flawed logic. 🫡

[-] itslilith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 9 months ago

No, no you misunderstand. He was heroically hoarding all the gay porn, so it can't corrupt the youth. A true hero o7

[-] SaltyIceteaMaker@iusearchlinux.fyi 39 points 10 months ago

He was trying to keep all the gay porn for himself

[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 23 points 10 months ago

Opposition research, duh

[-] tourist@lemmy.world 16 points 10 months ago

man not only had a secret stash, he kept it in his fucking car

that means he was either going back and forth between the wank cave and the honda every session or he fapped in or around his car

[-] Raykin@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago

Hearing them tell it, you would think they were more upset about the stash than his death.

I like to think it was both. He probably crashed because he was fapping in the car on the way to the wank cave to swap the fap cache. At least then he died doing what he loved.

Come to think of it, I'm reminded of a detail that may corroborate my theory. He was ejected from the car when it rolled. It actually pancaked his head, leaving the rest of him pretty intact.

Anyway, he clearly wasn't wearing a seatbelt. So now I'm thinking why wasn't he wearing it? And why was his dick out when they found him? I guess God is mysterious or whatever he used to like to say.

[-] problematicPanther@lemmy.world 102 points 10 months ago

meh, if i die you can check my porn history. You'll just find femboy furry hentai, like everyone else. i'd be more embarrased by the duck duck go searches for when I'm trying to fix something.

[-] Jimbo@yiffit.net 36 points 10 months ago

You'll just find femboy furry hentai, like everyone else.

Don't know about the accuracy of this statement, but boy I hope it's true

[-] problematicPanther@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

you might also find some arlo and janice r34 on my history. i'm more embarrassed about that one.

[-] can@sh.itjust.works 1 points 10 months ago
[-] problematicPanther@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

No, arlo and Janice was a comic strip from the 90s, back when we had newspapers

[-] ziixe@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

You'll just find femboy furry hentai, like everyone else.

Can't wait in 10 years when I can check my femboy friends search history after he dies from a heart attack (he excessively drinks energy drinks), I bet there will be shit like "femboy tentacle expansion" or something weird like that

[-] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 58 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I just write a no-kink-shaming-rule into my testament.

[-] drolex@sopuli.xyz 47 points 10 months ago

Priest or equivalent: 'We are gathered today to remember the life of Bjrn Tantau, who had this uncommon, but not weird, kink about hobo feet'

Assembly: 'Good for them'

[-] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 45 points 10 months ago

jokes on you I don't have a browser history, gardened firefox is amazing

[-] phuntis@sopuli.xyz 88 points 10 months ago

what are you growing in your firefox?

[-] Raykin@lemmy.world 55 points 10 months ago

Secrets by the sounds of it.

[-] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 18 points 10 months ago

Secrets and artichokes. Secret artichokes.

[-] Raykin@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

You slipped up now, Hippie. We will expose the heart of your delicious plan(t), one buttery piece at a time.

[-] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 10 months ago

But enough talk, have at you!

[-] NakariLexfortaine@lemm.ee 3 points 10 months ago

I've heard that only takes 7 days.

[-] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 10 months ago

I meant hardened firefox lmao

[-] phuntis@sopuli.xyz 4 points 10 months ago

yeah I knew don't worry I use arkenfox I'm just annoying and found it funny

[-] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 10 months ago

yea it's funny I didnmt edit the comment to make it correct for that reasin >:3

[-] msgraves@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 10 months ago
[-] variants@possumpat.io 27 points 10 months ago

Do you not set browsing history to erase on exit

[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 40 points 10 months ago

No, I think it's useful to find sites I've browsed before

[-] itslilith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 9 months ago

Bookmark anything important, cast the rest into the fire

[-] survivalmachine@beehaw.org 4 points 10 months ago

You're assuming we don't programming ifttt to stop our hearts on exit, which subsequently triggers the erase history task.

[-] verdare@beehaw.org 1 points 10 months ago

I keep history on, but use private mode a lot.

[-] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 23 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

You'd better be careful and spell "below" correctly, otherwise they're gonna find a way to involve a bellows. Time stamp 49 seconds

[-] MonkeMischief@lemmy.today 5 points 10 months ago

"HE'S ONLY MOSTLY DEAD!"

[-] PipedLinkBot@feddit.rocks 2 points 10 months ago

Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

they're gonna find a way to involve a bellows.

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.

[-] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Is that really a function it offers? If this really works, it's the first time I've ever considered wanting to maybe finally buy & own & wear & use a smartwatch.

[-] princessnorah@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 10 months ago

I just checked, because I thought this might have been added in an update I missed. But no, you cannot use heart rate as an automation trigger for a shortcut. I have POTS and I wanted to make it play “I Will Survive” when my HR passes 150 randomly.

I also checked and there isn’t even an action for clearing your safari history. Shortcuts could be so powerful if Apple didn’t hamstring the shit out of it.

[-] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

Thank you. gosh technology could be even more advanced useful if they kept users' needs in mind. But technological advances seem to cater to whatever increases revenue and data collection.

[-] vox@sopuli.xyz 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

kinda unrelated but huawei wants you to upload your ID AND bank account details just to gain access to local data available on your own watch.

there are ways around it tho, one of the prs for Gardgetbridge includes full support for huawei devices, and of course you could use that and documentation that was created during it's development to pull data via Bluetooth directly (without using the proprietary Huawei SDK)

[-] moonburster@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

Wait what. What is their reasoning behind this? It kinda feels like it won't hold ground in a lot of countries either

[-] vox@sopuli.xyz 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

well you need access to the developer account in order to use the Health SDK, which also includes access to their app store so of course the verification process is pretty rigorous.
you also need an app published on appgallery (even if not publicly available) in order to use most apis, even if they just interact with local devices

this post was submitted on 18 Mar 2024
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