"It turns out that reading conflicting opinions from more than 50 people online can be detrimental to both your mind and body.”

I'm practically on my deathbed

i dont smoke but my partner thinks smoking is kinda hot. gotta fight with more people online to become the hottest ever

(Just in case anyone's confused, Reductress is satire. It's like a girl version of the Onion)

Woah, 5 packs? Shitposting is free! I'd have to spend 80$ if i wanted to look this cool using ciggies

I want everyone to know that i was hoping this was true bc it'd either give me a reason to log off and go live in a cave waiting for the end of the world, or it'd hasten the sweet release of death.

I’m triggering the libs, slowly, with carcinoma.

Moderators are basically fentanyl. Even if you're just by them you're liable to be harmed.

my brain getting 5 packs of cigs every 20 minutes explains why I never got hooked on anything

TIL that normies are so annoyingly stupid that they're an actual health hazard. Conservatism is cancer.