692
Wholesome
(lemmy.world)
TLDR: therapy really helped me.
I spent most of my life doing what this comic shows: telling that critical voice to shut up, go away, leave me alone.
I can only speak to my experience, but parts work therapy has been transformational for me.
I used to use an oppositional voice in my head to drown it out which shouted over the critic; saying that I’m great, my friends love me, people have told me in talented, I’ve done this before and I can do it again, etc - but it made my head so loud all the time and in moments of weakness - tiredness, depression - the negative voice was louder than i could muster.
In parts work therapy I learned to stop rejecting that part of myself and actually listen to what it’s saying. To empathise with it. To try to listen to its fears, and offer it understanding and love.
I learned that my critical voice grew to protect me: to self censor my behaviour to help protect me from the much larger pain of judgment and humiliation I experienced as a child when I expressed myself freely. I haven’t needed that protection for decades, but that part of me didn’t know that. It was a part of the mind sealed off, entrenched in its fear, which I shunned and tried my hardest to ignore.
The more I listened and gave compassion and understanding to that voice, the nicer it got to me.
Over time I really learned to talk to him. To tell him how sorry I am that he had to carry such a burden for so long, that I’m strong enough to deal with peoples criticisms now, that he doesn’t need to hold on so tight anymore, that we’re safe. It’s one of the most bizarre experiences of my life: to talk inward and really hear a response which I can tell doesn’t come from what I identify as my current ”self”. And I learned to identify other parts in me too; other bits which froze at a certain age, wrapping up a bit of me in protection I didn’t even know was there.
When that protective boy in me pops up now, and he still does sometimes, I know to reassure him, not shout him down. I tell him that we’re safe, I’m strong enough to deal with what’s happening, that I want him to enjoy what we’re doing.
I don’t know if everyone’s negative voices come from the same place, but I wanted to share this incase it’s helpful for anyone. If you can afford therapy, go for it. It took me years to find a therapist because it felt like a mountain infront of me, and that voice would pop up telling me that I was being indulgent, that I don’t have real problems, stop making a big deal, don’t draw attention to yourself… but I’m so glad I did it. My head is so much quieter than it once was.