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The bubble is dead, long live the bubble! (lemmy.world)
submitted 10 months ago by ReadyUser31@lemmy.world to c/microblogmemes@lemmy.world
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spaf @spaf

Every vendor booth at RSA this year: Powered by world-class Al with a proprietary language model, our product offers unbelievably agile, next-gen threat intelligence-based risk management in the dark net on a quantum containerized blockchain employing breathtakingly advanced data science. Built to be compatible with your SIEM & cloud, its zero-trust architecture is programmed in a memory-safe language with no supply chain to monitor!

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[-] henfredemars@infosec.pub 103 points 10 months ago

Literally no supply chain.

As in, we don’t have a product yet, but we’re working on it!

[-] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 99 points 10 months ago

Hey I know, what if we let Sales set the direction of the company?? They get us money, right? It’s jenius!

That’ll show those surly waaah-i-wanna-work-from-home engineer people!

More colored charts! Add AI to the printer toner! I read a business book once!

[-] SturgiesYrFase@lemmy.ml 27 points 10 months ago

You misspelled jeanius

[-] conditional_soup@lemm.ee 10 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

This is the most injeanious comment I've read in a long time.

[-] SturgiesYrFase@lemmy.ml 8 points 10 months ago

Can't help it my dude, must be in my jeanetics....Still, I shot my shot, and my argument stands.

[-] Napain@lemmy.ml 4 points 10 months ago

you mean your jeans?

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[-] zik@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I once worked for a company which did exactly that - they put the marketing people in charge. It may surprise you to hear that they went from being a large organisation to going bust within a few years.

[-] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

I’m pretty sure every organization is under some kind of siege by their versions of sales and marketing. In better days those voices get balanced or bested by smarter heads. In worse days, they don’t, marketing takes over and the company is sold for scrap two years later.

[-] bort@sopuli.xyz 55 points 10 months ago

its zero-trust architecture is programmed in a memory-safe language with no supply chain to monitor!

this is good.

[-] Hasherm0n@lemmy.world 29 points 10 months ago

They're fully vertically integrated from the silicone through the compiler, os, and all software running.

[-] Fermion@mander.xyz 31 points 10 months ago

Silicone? I suppose even sex toys need proper security these days.

[-] BingBong@sh.itjust.works 12 points 10 months ago

To be fair smart connected chastity cages did get hacked recently so their owners couldn't get them off.

[-] Randelung@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

And some of them did get off on that.

[-] Hasherm0n@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

Ah shit, serves me right for posting off the cuff...

Though that is also a thing.

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[-] MycelialMass@lemmy.world 15 points 10 months ago

And it comes with a free gogurt!

[-] samus12345@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

That's good!

[-] Qli@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

The gogurt is proprietary blockchain.

[-] msage@programming.dev 5 points 10 months ago

I mean isn't it the only part that actually makes sense?

[-] MotoAsh@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

The others make sense if you drop the extra extra buzz words. Like quantum. Containers exist, the block chain exists, I wouldn't be surprised if some idiot combined those. Though quantum computing ... is not related to normal computing.

[-] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 53 points 10 months ago

[-] achance4cheese@sh.itjust.works 17 points 10 months ago

Ah yes, I love tech jargon overload

[-] BowtiesAreCool@lemmy.world 27 points 10 months ago

Fun fact, the whole thing is actually a science/engineering injoke that’s been going for decades. Look up Turbo Encabulator

[-] nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 10 months ago

Kinda miss VXJunkies now and then. Mostly then though.

[-] crawancon@lemm.ee 38 points 10 months ago

wow that is an impressively triggering paragraph.

though I should get spaf to write my résumé

[-] slazer2au@lemmy.world 36 points 10 months ago

Due to your product not being turnkey I am unable to get management buy-in.

[-] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 18 points 10 months ago

Also no single pane of glass. What is this, amateur hour?

[-] foofiepie@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

And no ‘single push of a button’, the filthy casuals.

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[-] DerArzt@lemmy.world 35 points 10 months ago

I would like one security please.

[-] Anticorp@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago

Sorry, the least I can sell you is four on a subscription.

[-] elxeno@lemm.ee 35 points 10 months ago

But is it blazingly fast?

[-] Alexstarfire@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

Well, a brick is technically unhackable.

[-] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 24 points 10 months ago

At least "fuzzy logic" is now a long dead buzzword.

[-] fruitycoder@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

But my rice cooker uses fuzzy logic to better cook the rice /s

I mean its not totally useless jargon but it made me laugh

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[-] NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 22 points 10 months ago

[-] lemmyreader@lemmy.ml 20 points 10 months ago

The future is ~~bleak~~ bright!

[-] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago

Just ~~peachy~~ bleachy!

[-] dojan@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Blight?

[-] 42yeah@lemm.ee 8 points 10 months ago

Is this human language?

[-] ZombieMantis@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

It's bullshitese, specifically.

[-] Mango@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

Nice. I'll take two.

[-] NoiseColor@startrek.website 3 points 10 months ago

This hits too close...

[-] GraniteM@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Invest in world-class technologies to leverage our core competencies!

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this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2024
684 points (98.3% liked)

Microblog Memes

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