117
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] art101@lemmy.world 30 points 1 year ago

Not sure I'm fully onboard with this to be honest.

I mean, we're all adults living in a civilised society and you missed an apostrophe, it should have been "you're a cunt", not youre.

We all know better for next time ;-)

[-] killa44@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] ArgonautVehicle@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

On a fine Monday morning, Steve Huffman, known colloquially as Spez, awoke from his gold-threaded sheets in his penthouse, sipping on his ethically questionable yet preposterously expensive civet coffee. He looked out his windows, the horizon offering the perfect view of his kingdom, his creation, his Reddit.

Having decided to raise the cost of API use to levels that would make a NASA engineer's jaw drop, Spez had embarked on a mission to squelch third-party apps, steering users towards the official (albeit buggy) Reddit app. He chuckled to himself, confident that his plot was as foolproof as an uncrackable safe.

Little did he know, the storm was brewing.

As he logged on, dressed in his favorite power suit, he noticed the eerie silence. Subreddits, once buzzing hives of memes, jokes, and shower thoughts, were now as barren as the surface of Mars. The once-mighty r/AskReddit, now reduced to a ghost town, echoed with digital tumbleweeds.

Confused, he navigated to r/pics. The screen loaded and his eyes were met with an endless scroll of buttholes, every variety, shape, and color imaginable. His newly nanobot-manicured eyebrows knitted together in bewilderment.

“Must be a new meme trend,” he said, shrugging it off.

He then moved to r/science, a bastion of intellect and reason, only to find NSFW content occupying every single thread. The Higgs boson was being discussed in a manner Einstein could never have predicted.

“What in the name of...?” He blinked, checking whether he was still on Reddit and not some obscure corner of the dark web.

He decided to investigate, opening his mailbox. "Surely my loyal subjects will inform me what's going on," he mused.

And inform they did. His inbox was flooded with messages, each more colorful than the last. "Spez, you're a legend!" one began, before ending with a plot twist, "...at being a daft cunt."

"Has everyone lost their minds?" he wondered, failing to connect the dots.

He banished anyone who dared cross him, banning his way through his subjects like a monarch with an itchy trigger finger.

As the day wore on, Spez grew restless. His grand plan was not unfolding as expected. But, in his characteristic arrogance, he was certain that the chaos would soon subside and he would ascend as the one true app lord.

In his plush office, surrounded by screens showing falling Reddit stocks, he clutched a crystal ball he bought from a New Age store, whispering, “Soon, my Reddit will be worth billions…” The crystal ball, deciding it had enough, promptly rolled off his desk and shattered on the Italian marble floor.

In the end, a day that began with grand ambitions ended with a lonely billionaire, surrounded by pictures of buttholes, an inbox full of profanity, a shattered crystal ball, and a kingdom in chaos.

Unbeknownst to him, the Reddit community reveled in their rebellion. They might not have won the war yet, but oh, how they celebrated the battles. As the moon replaced the sun, one phrase echoed throughout the kingdom of Reddit, repeated in posts and comments, whispered in DMs, etched into the heart of the rebellion,

"Fuck Spez."

[-] Gestrid@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 year ago

This is now canon.

[-] muaveri@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Any ongoing crowdfunding for your upcoming book? Give me a link please? You got me interested. Anything published already?

[-] Rogue_General@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

This is a masterpiece

[-] BeardyGrumps@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Let’s sing all together:

Well Spez is a cunt, he's a big fat cunt, He's the biggest cunt in the whole wide world. He’s a stupid cunt, if there ever was a cunt, He's a cunt to all the boys and girls.

On Monday, he's a cunt, On Tuesday, he's a cunt, On Wednesday though Saturday, he's a cunt, Then on Sunday, just to be different, He's a super King Kamehameha Cunt.

Have you ever met Reddits Spez? He's the biggest cunt in the whole wide world, (La-la-la-la-la-la-la) He's a mean ol' cunt and he has wangy eyes, He's a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt.

Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, He's a stupid cunt! (Woah!)! Reddits Spez is a cunt, And he's such a dirty cunt! (Cunt!)!

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] monko@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 year ago

"an endless scroll of buttholes"

art

[-] Casmael@geddit.social 2 points 1 year ago

Tried to record an amusing audio of this but fucked it up

[-] DickFiasco@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

I read it in David Attenborough's voice. It was glorious.

[-] Gestrid@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 year ago

You should read it in The Narrator from The Stanley Parable's voice next.

[-] DickFiasco@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

You use your words prettier than a $20 whore.

[-] dox@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

This is pure, artistic and linguistical gold. Bravo!

[-] ciapatri@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 year ago

If only we had Lemmy Gold...

[-] Rull_9@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

I need this entire comment printed out and framed. Its composure is truly artistic!

[-] hemmes@vlemmy.net 1 points 1 year ago

Fuck, take my money

load more comments (7 replies)
[-] Poglathegrate@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Claim you're Australian, and live in NSW.

Show that it is your constitutional right to call any leader a cunt

https://nswcourts.com.au/articles/court-rules-its-ok-to-refer-to-tony-abbott-as-a-ct/

Sue Reddit

[-] Col3814444@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

To be fair, Tony Abbott is actually a total cunt, so the case result was always going to be.

[-] cooopsspace@infosec.pub 1 points 1 year ago

I'm pretty sure he was a laughing stock across the world when he was in.

Then US one upped us.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] LA71@lemmy.one 9 points 1 year ago

I’m actually proud of this and might frame it for my office 🤣

[-] can@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 year ago

I'd be thrilled to know I personally offended a CEO

[-] OctopusKurwa@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

You should. I printed out a screenshot when I got blocked by Rudy Giuliani on Twitter lol

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] manitcor@lemmy.intai.tech 6 points 1 year ago

please tell me you did this AFTER systematically devaluing your years of submitted content?

[-] Kerrangutan@lemmy.one 5 points 1 year ago

called /u/Spez a cunt

This is inaccurate, /u/Spez lacks warmth and depth and has never given anyone pleasure.

[-] RestingBitchFace@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

I edited all my comments to Fuck u/spez and deleted them and then deleted my account. They ruined a decent thing.

[-] ShowMeYourCock@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Same, then they perma-IP banned all of my accounts, lmao.

[-] delfinom@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

FYI, they go beyond IP and use browser fingerprinting to ban all your accounts.

There's also a hilarious bug in reddit logic that can let you ban innocent users this way :3

[-] RestingBitchFace@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

That’s what happens when the CEO starts taking advice from Elon Musk on how to run a social media company.

[-] sonofbattles@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

I hope you did all this behind a good ad blocker/DNS filter or else you just increased engagement with the site and potentially their ad delivery network. They also collect the analytics, think advertisers won't pay for metadata related to a cohort of users mass exodusing? I love the decentralized setup here, this is really cool. Let's get more time and engagement here instead and stop providing our data to Predditers.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Bushwhack@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

I tagged him in messages for a few days calling him a cunt but never got banned. I guess DM was the thing to make it be effective?

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] Anonymau5@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

This is the most epic way to end a Reddit run

Imma start doing that with all my throwaways from now on

[-] ModernRisk@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 year ago

Surprises me that you get banned for it but whenever someone else call another person that - they get away with either a warning or nothing happens. Lol.

[-] adinfinitum@lemmy.film 1 points 1 year ago

Much like on twitter, you can insult us common folk (and landed gentry), but insult a celebrity or rich person, and that's a ban.

[-] gsa32@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Wow I'm sure you epically owned spez soooo hard in that message

[-] art101@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Not sure I'm fully onboard with this to be honest.

I mean, we're all adults living in a civilised society and you missed an apostrophe, it should have been "you're a cunt", not youre.

We all know better for next time ;-)

[-] Finnbot@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Glad to see my permanent ban for reporting one fucking Fox News post on politics for blatant climate change denialism is on level with this. For using the report function to bully/harrass ffs. Laughable!

Place was becoming a shitehole months before these API changes anyway.

[-] TwoGems@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
[-] XEAL@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

Fuck money hungry /u/Spez, an all censoring Reddit admins.

While I side with mods protesting, sadly some Reddit mods are also first class censoring cunts.

[-] samokosik@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Jesus christ

[-] Ryan213@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Totally worth it!

load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2023
117 points (96.1% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26708 readers
980 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS