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submitted 2 weeks ago by callouscomic@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
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[-] sudoroot@lemmy.zip 48 points 2 weeks ago

Mom took the door off my room due to her not trusting me? Smoked a lot of weed but never ever in their sight or in the house. All I did was sit on my computer in my room. Absolutely horrible experience.

She ended up putting the washer and dryer in there with me too..

[-] LowtierComputer@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

Your mom had plumbing installed to run the washer in your room?

[-] sudoroot@lemmy.zip 4 points 2 weeks ago

Yup, right into the back of the closet. They removed the doors and tucked the machines in there.

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[-] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 45 points 2 weeks ago

Birthed me. Then they had the audacity to celebrate it each year there after.

[-] ramble81@lemm.ee 15 points 2 weeks ago

On the bright side, life is a terminal STD with 100% mortality rate

[-] Mothra@mander.xyz 38 points 2 weeks ago

My mother passive aggressively bullied me regarding potential love interests to the point I was absolutely terrified of even mentioning boys from my class as dealing with her unfounded teasing was unbearable. This didn't help at all with my romantic relationships, I was always lacking in support in the area as I turned the topic into a taboo during my adolescent years, at home in particular.

As for my father it's not much what he did but what he didn't do. He's one of the smartest men I've ever met, he is good at managing his finances and networking yet he never gave me much support or pushed me to achieve anything in these areas - when he did it was briefly in the form of criticism. Again, this also snowballed into an adulthood problem I'm still grappling with.

[-] dosse91@lemmy.trippy.pizza 17 points 2 weeks ago

I'm a guy but I had a very similar experience with my mother basically making it an embarassment to talk or let alone date anyone. I missed out on a lot of things before I realized that what was going on wasn't normal.

[-] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

And then they wonder why you don't tell them things about your life, like what your hobbies are (if you are even able to enjoy hobbies anymore) or what you're enjoying.

[-] dosse91@lemmy.trippy.pizza 2 points 2 weeks ago

I do have hobbies and enjoy them, but I tend to hide everything from them, even meaningless things.

What pisses me off mostly is how much I missed out on when I was younger for her stupid ideas, things like "you want a wife from your city", "but she's black!" (yes, I'm into black women), "he's gay, if you go out with him everyone will think you're gay", "the trip is too long", shit like that...

[-] PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 weeks ago

That’s horrible and a great way at making sure your child hides their love life and possibly makes impulsive and dangerous decisions.

My parents pulled out a pack of condoms from my toiletries bag one time I visited for the weekend during university and my dad mocked me for having them.

[-] Mothra@mander.xyz 3 points 2 weeks ago

That first paragraph pretty much summarizes my love life, fortunately I'm not one for dangerous but plenty of stupid.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I know the feeling :(

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[-] NineMileTower@lemmy.world 32 points 2 weeks ago

My parents weren't bad parents. They did their absolute best to raise me coming from trauma themselves. They still don't even know they suffer from it. Their trauma made me feel like I was not good enough. However, I will pass intrinsic value and compassion on to my kids.

[-] Crozekiel@lemmy.zip 32 points 2 weeks ago

When my brother and I were both in university, we lived in cities about an hour apart. We grew up about another hour away, so to visit my brother my dad had to drive through the city I lived in, passed the campus for my university, to get to the city my brother lived in. You could literally see the buildings on campus from the interstate through the city.

He would call me about once a month to tell me about the awesome weekend he just had visiting my brother and seeing one of their school football games. He would rave about how much fun it was and always say "you should come down too next time". I would always tell him I probably would if he would tell me about it before the trip instead of after...

I started to resent my brother being the "obvious favorite". For years we barely spoke. We reconnected like a decade later when we happened to live in the same city. One night around a few beers, we started hashing out old shit, and I brought up him being dad's favorite and all the trips dad made to visit him.

That's when I found out my dad made it all up. Our dad only visited my brother's campus twice, the day he moved into the dorms and the day he graduated...

[-] andrewta@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago
[-] reagansrottencorpse@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 weeks ago

Why would someone even do that?

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[-] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 29 points 2 weeks ago

Mom divorced my abusive alcoholic father and married a man from England. I was 14 but she figured I had the maturity to know it would be ok if I stayed with him instead of moving to England with her and my brother. I was angry at her because I was 14 and dumb. She left me in the US and gave me no end of guilt for making my choice once a grew up a bit and realized I made a mistake. Once she and her husband moved back to Oklahoma I took a position in California and now I'm guilted for that at the age of 42 because she can't see my daughter whom she never bothered to spend anytime with anyway because of her constant depression about having married another different kind of abusive man.

[-] PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca 25 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

On my 18th birthday I wanted to go out and spend the day with friends. My parents said they didn’t want me to and they wanted me to stay home. I said I was 18 and an adult and I wanted to spend my birthday out with my friends.

I leave and enjoy a few hours until I get a phone call from my dad. He says “Come home immediately, there’s been a huge accident with mom and your youngest brother. We need you home ASAP”.

I rush home in a panic, spent an hour on the way home preparing myself for the possibility that half my family had died.

Only to find out that he had “played a joke on me” to get me to come home as a power move. No accident. No ambulance, no injuries.

“You think you’re an adult but I will ALWAYS be in charge of you” was what he said.

I’m 30 now and haven’t spoken to him in over a decade. I don’t think much about him since he’s pathetic, but when I do, I imagine that he’s rotting alone and unable to manipulate other peoples physchology and emotions 🙂

[-] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago

That's psychotic.

[-] FeelThePower@lemmy.dbzer0.com 24 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Kicked me out after high school. I ended up homeless for months. That was years ago, but the psychological damage never goes away. To this day I don't spend money on furniture because I'm too scared I'll lose everything again somehow. Even my computers have to be laptops forever now because I feel like if I get a desktop I'll be fucked into losing it if I end up homeless again.

[-] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 week ago

Its fucked up that it is normalized to kick your kid out in the west, no one deserves to go through this and I cannot imagine being that heartless

[-] A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 23 points 2 weeks ago

Their struggles with alcoholism led to me becoming an alcoholic, which nearly killed me multiple times, and did end up killing my mom before she was 60.

Fortunately I got sober a year before she passed. I'd have almost certainly drank myself to death had I not.

[-] dfyx@lemmy.helios42.de 18 points 2 weeks ago

My parents split up when I was in my 20s. They both moved out of the house I had grown up in. My girlfriend and I stayed and rented it from my dad, planning to buy it from him as soon as we were financially stable enough to get a loan.

Fast forward a few years to me having a well-paying job and my girlfriend almost being done with university. Things were looking really good. On my 30th birthday, my dad abd his new wife suddenly started pestering us about the house being too big, too expensive, too whatever for us to the point of ruining the whole evening. A week later I got a letter from him, telling me I had six months to get the money or get out, strongly suggesting the latter. Never even got a reason.

[-] inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 18 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

When I was 15 or so my dad made a fake AIM address and posed as a girl from my school so he could encourage me to masturbate with the child porn he was sending me. When i got freaked out and stopped responding he called my phone and said that "the girl from school" was bothering him at work and I needed to keep talking with *her". I didn't figure out that it was him until a decade later later. I remember panicking all night about what I knew was illegal images, so I told him what happened and he just mocked me for not knowing how to do an ip trace to see who it was.

Dad was a real piece of shit. But that was the worst thing he did to me personally.

[-] Mothra@mander.xyz 13 points 2 weeks ago

I'm not an expert but this sounds like a crime punishable by law. Holy crap

[-] JusticeForPorygon@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago

So... Did anything happen with Dad and his illegal pictures?

Sorry if it's personal, I'm just kinda nosy

[-] inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Nope. It wasn't until after he died that I went to therapy and started talking about the memory before putting it all together. Dad worked in IT security so I don't doubt he was careful.

The closest that he came to consequences that I know about, is when the FBI came to his house to interview me. My parents were divorced and I spent 50/50 with each parent. My mother's boyfriend was being accused of seeding a torrent filled with CP, and the FBI came to ask me if I knew anything. This was around the time of the AIM incident. Dad wasn't home and was pretty upset that I let them inside.

Anyways, it took nearly a decade and countless dollars in lawyer fees for the case against my (by then) step-dad to be dropped. The FBI can led the court date after we uncovered hard proof that he wasn't even home that day, but it had already cost him his career. Unlike my Dad, my step dad wasn't a tech person, like at all. So while I don't have any proof or idea how, I'm fairly certain that somehow my dad got access to his laptop to frame him.

Which is why I said that the AIM thing is only the worst thing he did to me. Another runner up would be the statutory rape of my mom when she was 14 and he was 20 that led to my birth. Unfortunately, the theme of child exploitation runs through many chapters in my Dad's angry miserable life.

[-] JusticeForPorygon@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago

Wow that's fucking terrible. I really hope things have gotten at least a little better, if not easier, since then.

[-] sgibson5150@slrpnk.net 18 points 2 weeks ago

Their utter disregard for me as a person, as demonstrated in particular by the sudden violent outbursts and beatings, was not a great time. Probably the worst, though, was when they disowned me. They apparently didn't like what they had made.

[-] velox_vulnus@lemmy.ml 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I was going to write a lot of stuff about my own experience, but then I decided that it wasn't worth writing and getting my identity exposed, so I'll say "same", minus the disowning part, because I come from a collectivist society. My failure as an mid-20s adult is theirs to blame, because that's how broken I am, and I still can't cope with the past. Tough-love my ass.

[-] transientpunk@sh.itjust.works 16 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Dad - gave mother speed while pregnant with me, then abandoned the family before I was 1, never to be heard from again.

Mom - committed suicide before I was 10

Aunt - Was a raging narcissist who psychologically and emotionally manipulated/coerced me for ten years

Uncle - beat the fuck out of me for ten years

Growing up sure was fun...

[-] POTOOOOOOOO@reddthat.com 12 points 2 weeks ago

I love my parents. We did what we could to get by. Sometimes thet means pushing the expiration dates on food. This lead me to associate meat with illness. I ended up becoming a vegetarian at a very young age; before I knew what that even was. Meat still grosses me out to this day.

[-] callouscomic@lemm.ee 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Interesting how experiences shape us. Glad it sounds like you have mainly positives with respect to your parents.

[-] POTOOOOOOOO@reddthat.com 4 points 2 weeks ago

Yes, no regrets there.

[-] Alice@beehaw.org 11 points 2 weeks ago

There's probably stuff that's a lot worse in a vacuum, but tbh my dad giving me the talk about his own childhood trauma and the cycle of abuse. He concluded it by telling me to remind him of "the cycle" next time he's raging.

Even as a kid I knew that telling a large, angry man with a belt in his hand and daddy issues, "hey, you're acting like your father" would just make the beatings harder.

Second runner up is that apparently he convinced my brothers and sisters that I was the favorite and he never abused me like he did them. That meant they hated me and abused me too.

Third runner up is probably the hoarding or the 24/7 black mold exposure or maybe the animal hoarding, or possibly when he assaulted a woman in front of me (although technically not something he did to me)

[-] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 2 weeks ago

Nitpicked and poked fun at almost anything i watched/read/did/listened to, and anybody i interacted with, to the point that I sometimes struggle to find enjoyment in things, typically prefer to have a wall behind me and eyes on an entrance (they liked to sneak up and surprise me), almost exclusively use headphones for any form of audio, and struggle to form friendships with anyone.

[-] random_character_a@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Public humiliation and forcing me to distribute my hard earned savings to people watching, because neighbourhood kid threw an apple at a rich persons house and I was nearby and didn't do anything.

Edit: I was little vague, due to being in a hurry.

My father has a tendency to brown nose anyone with wealth or influence. The "rich person" in question recognised me and complained to my father, about me and my friends, even though the apple thrower wasn't even part of my social group. My father decided please the neighbourhood with public demonstration of "taking responsibility".

Everyone present was horrified and nobody took my money. That infuriated my father even more, but in the end he was satisfied that I was crying. Lesson learned. Matter was never discussed again.

That "lesson" wasn't the only one, but that one stuck in my mind.

[-] johannes@lemmy.jhjacobs.nl 9 points 2 weeks ago

They died. At very crucial points in my life. My dad 4 years ago, i mom 1.5 months ago.

Its litterally the worst thing they ever did.

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[-] Jarix@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Probabky the last night i spent at my father's.

I had an ear infection that weekend. Ended up having a nose bleed. Apparently i got blood on his GFs babies crib.

I got beat with a hair brush by his gf. He did nothing about all.

Eldest brother screamed bloody murder to get my mom to come pick up me and my 3 brothers while bro had us wait at the bottom of the stairs. Must have been winter because it was dark and i remember wearing a heavy jacket

[-] Truffle@lemmy.ml 6 points 2 weeks ago

My mother not loving me and saying it to me outloud at an early age. It was a very heavy burden no child should ever carry. Also she would put on a show for other people going on and on about how much she loved her kids and how she loved being a mom while continuing the abuse behind closed doors. It was maddening.

Taking myself to therapy as a young adult so I could heal, saved my life.

[-] SurpriZe@lemm.ee 6 points 2 weeks ago

Goes to show that most people aren't ready to be parents and need a good hard look at their life before getting into that, as well as at least some sort of parenting education.

[-] AceFuzzLord@lemm.ee 6 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Well, I know that I definitely have normal parents after reading some posts. Worst would be things like spankings or maybe getting yelled at when I was older. Or the time my mom wanted to beat my ass with a marble rolling pin for how much of an asshole teenager I was being. Did get beat once with a plastic broom, but considering no harm came out of it, I'd say I was a lucky person.

Edit:

It was supposed to be a punishment, but it failed miserably since I didn't learn anything, nor had any bad consequences come of it, but I did once have my bedroom door removed for a reason I don't remember. Just set up a blanket as a makeshift door.

[-] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago

My mother has BPD and is pretty vicious, but I think the worst moment was when she told me it was my fault my brother is gay. She HATES the fact he is gay despite really not hating gay people at all and we were raised to love and accept them, and since she hates me she thinks it's my fault. BPD leads to a lot of disordered thinking.

[-] hitmyspot@aussie.zone 5 points 2 weeks ago

You can have gay kids and still grieve for the life you expected them to have. That doesn't mean you dont love them. What matters is you support who they actually are, not who you thought they would be. But sprinkle in some disordered thinking and I can see how that could go awry.

[-] SilentStorms@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 2 weeks ago

My dad faked having brain cancer when I was 9 to cover up a drug problem. He sent me to live with my mom to party while I believed he was on the brink of death.

We have a strained relationship now.

[-] keepcarrot@hexbear.net 4 points 2 weeks ago

What, uh... what answers were you expecting in here, OP?

I remember my dad slapping me in the face for pronouncing "water" like an American. A bunch of odds and ends like that.

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[-] andrewta@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

My dad dropped me on my face from about 4 feet high (Not joking)

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[-] corroded@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

One day, you're going to die. Unless you are fortunate enough to die suddenly, you're going to experience the terror and the pain the comes along with dying. Anyone who cares about you is going to be saddened by your passing.

None of that would be true if you had never been born. Your parents, every parent, has condemned their children to death and has ensured sadness for anyone who comes to care about them.

The worst thing my parents did? Not using protection or having an abortion. Conceiving a child is the most selfish act any person can do.

[-] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 weeks ago

I suppose it's a matter of perspective. Some would say the joy and enrichment from being alive and caring about others outweighs the sadness from loss.

[-] Floon@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 weeks ago

My mom died.

My father taught me to hate myself.

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this post was submitted on 01 Oct 2024
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