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just interested in hearing peoples stories for how y’all have chosen your new names! doesn’t have to be particularly profound or interesting really, i just like hearing about others experiences.

i’m actually planning on changing my own soon socially despite being cis, and just really like hearing how others came to find their names, as well as am curious about if anyone had to go through more than one to find what’s right for them. i figured this would be the best community to talk about the topic even if i’m not trans :)

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[-] queer_plant@beehaw.org 18 points 1 year ago

I looked up "plant names for people"

[-] archaeoraptor@beehaw.org 13 points 1 year ago

Trans guy here. There was no masc version of my deadname, and my parents didn't have a name picked out for if I'd been AMAB, so those routes were closed to me. I initially tried to pick something where I could keep my initials, but the only names I liked were already "in use" in my social and family circles, and it didn't feel right.

So I looked at the popularity of my deadname in my birth year, then started from that same rank on the boy name charts for the same year and worked my way out. I found a name of very similar popularity that I really liked, and met my other self-imposed criteria (nickname I liked, no nicknames that I hated, not easily misspelled or confused with a femme name). The benefit of looking at birth year popularity ranks is that I ended up with a name that doesn't sound "too old" or "too young" for me, which may or may not matter to other people.

My parents did something similar when they named us, so that we'd have names that were recognizable, but we wouldn't share our name with five other kids in our class. (My mom had a very popular name for her age group and she hated it.)

For my middle name I picked a name I always loved but that I didn't want for my first name, for practical reasons (easily misspelled, gender neutral, much more popular for younger kids than for my age group). In my area, nobody ever knows your middle name unless you go out of your way to tell them, so I let myself have more fun with it.

It's been close to a decade and I still love both of them. I "tried it on" with friends for a few months before starting legal paperwork, and I'm glad I did. Some other names I tried out didn't stick.

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[-] alex@beehaw.org 12 points 1 year ago

It's a gender-neutral variation of my birth name. I'm a simple person.

[-] UngodlyAudrey@beehaw.org 12 points 1 year ago

I chose my name when I was 12. I don't remember exactly, but I hit on the name Audrey and I was like, "I really like that name". Even back then in the year 2000, I knew I was trans, and so I decided to take the name for time being. It kinda stuck after years and years of being my true name. Unfortunately, I did not come out to anyone for over 20 years, so the only one who knew my name was Audrey was, well, me.

[-] nxtequal@beehaw.org 11 points 1 year ago

I wanted a science-based name because I'm a little nerd lol. I considered Kelvin at some point. In the end, (and I really can't remember why I specifically chose it) I named myself after Edmond Halley -- Hal as a nickname, as a reference to HAL 9000 of course.

Honestly, I sort of regret it, because Halley isn't as gender neutral as I thought and everyone considers it a girl name. I wish I'd been more out there and straight up decided to call myself Truck or Brick or something.

[-] DJDarren@beehaw.org 4 points 1 year ago

If you want to be called Truck, then dammit, people will call you Truck.

Also, Brick is a fine name.

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[-] LennethAegis@kbin.social 11 points 1 year ago

I stole mine from a videogame way back in highschool, 15 years before I would officially crack.

I played an RPG where the main character just resonated with me greatly. And might have also been the first female lead I'd ever played as. I held into that name as my future daughter's name, even though I didn't want kids. So it was an imaginary daughter.

When I came out as trans, I figured that I was that imaginary daughter I had been building in my mind all those years.

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[-] thumbtack@beehaw.org 11 points 1 year ago

i can go first, though again i’m not trans to be clear hahaha

for context: i’ve honestly never really liked my name, and have gone by a shortened nickname for a few years now with most of my friends. i can actually remember thinking about how i didn’t like it very much when i was probably as young as 7ish, but going by my nickname has helped me feel better about it overall in recent years.

earlier this year though, probably around january, it really just dawned on me that i don’t feel particularly connected to either my nickname or my legal name. like, even though the nick is better, it’s still just a way to try and get distance from my full name, and i realized it was a possibility for me to just pick another name altogether if i wanted to. so i started searching.

i didn’t have anything particularly in mind, and i tend to be a bit analytical with things like these, so i came up with some criteria (starting letter, syllables, nickname-able, etc), looked up baby name lists, and got to work. after looking, asking for opinions from friends, and sitting on it for a couple months, one of my friends made a suggestion for one that really “fit” me, and i’ve been pretty attached to it since- max/maxine. it’s cool, a bit masculine, has a more elegant and feminine full version, and is just generally a good fit i think.

i’ve been going by it online for a few months now and think i really like it, and would like to start going by it when i start at a new college in the fall, but am just nervous about still about if it’s really right for me or not. i’m sure it’ll be fine, but just a thought that’s been sitting in my mind awhile, making me a little anxious.

[-] artemisia@beehaw.org 10 points 1 year ago

Well, I knew from a story my mum told me ages ago my dad wanted us all to have biblical names, which is weird because he wasn't religious in the traditional sense at all. He must have just liked the idea? And sure enough my assigned-at-birth name as well as my sisters names were from the bible. I wrote a list of female names from the bible that I could remember as a way of honouring my dad's memory and one just popped out at me.

I had already picked my mums maiden name as my last name because I was changing that too, because my original last name had a glottal thing in it that always annoyed me and sort of tripped me up? And when I put them together it was so obviously ... me.

Speaking to other trans and non-binary people that seems to happen a fair amount, but don't worry if it doesn't. Names grow on you especially with use. As it happens I got married, changed my last name and added a middle name, and I prefer this version a lot more so who knows.

[-] artemisia@beehaw.org 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Also don't feel like you have to tie yourself down to your family. My mum turned out to be an utter shit so I was delighted to be free of that surname choice anyway, and my dad had passed away years before I came out as trans and, while he had a kind heart, who knows how he would have reacted to the news? Don't be afraid to forge your own path. Don't feel like you have to associate your new name - first name or surname - with your assigned-at-birth names, even if your current relationship with your family is good.

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[-] Dinonugget@beehaw.org 10 points 1 year ago

I didn't really sit down and choose a name, it was given to me. Some friends started calling me by a shorter version of my deadname and I really liked the vibe of it, so I started going by it.

[-] pixel@beehaw.org 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

its funny, I go by pixel which I didn't pick with the intent of it becoming my name but when you're in gaming spaces for long enough your tag kinda becomes your name, as it were? Like I still use my "real" name in my day-to-day but just about everyone just calls me pixel outside of my family or very very long-time friends, and it's "weird" enough that it kinda reads as an enby name in the first place lol

[-] schreiblehrling@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago

I like how the name naturally got attached to you over the years.

[-] pixel@beehaw.org 6 points 1 year ago

Haha me too. it's funny, I decided to switch to this tag on my 15th birthday which is also coincidentally when I got involved in the gaming spaces I spent the most time in, and also when I kinda started really questioning my gender more aggressively, so going by Pixel let me fit in more and also let me sort of avoid the conversation about gender, because it wasn't a name, but the more time passed the more it was absolutely a name lmao

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[-] jennifilm@beehaw.org 10 points 1 year ago

Oh great question! I always say everyone should consider whether they might like to change their name - i hear so often people saying they can't or don't have a reason, and you don't need one!

I took my grandmother's first name cos she's real special to me, and took my second from my favourite comic book character at the time 😅 but they sound great together!

[-] AssA@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

Agnes the incredible Hulk Smith

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[-] thumbtack@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago

thanks :) i’m a namenerd at heart and have been missing my r-ddit community about the topic, so thought i’d bring some of the conversation here! i love origin stories anyway lol

taking your grandmothers name is so sweet 🥺🥺 it’s like naming a kid after someone important to you, but so much more special because it’s your name. and combining it with a favourite comic character is awesome, i love this origin story :)

[-] frog@beehaw.org 10 points 1 year ago

I ended up taking the boring route: I went with the name that my parents would have named me if I'd been AMAB. My deadname didn't have a masculine version, and there were no other names starting with the same letter I liked, but then I remembered when I was about 11 I'd asked my parents what they would have called me if I was born a boy. So I tried out that name, and found that it just seemed to fit. It's not too common, I don't know anybody else in my personal life with the same name, but it's common enough that people know how to spell it, and it fits my age.

I didn't like the middle name that my parents chose, though. It made my whole name a bit of a mouthful, especially as I had a longer surname at the time as well. Since middle names aren't something that get used often, I went a bit more exotic with it, and picked the closest real-world version of my favourite OC's name.

My spouse and I changed both of our surnames at the same time, as I had taken his surname when we married, but neither of us had a strong emotional attachment to it. So we selected a new one. We're both descended from a white minority group that has its own ancestral language, so we formed our new surname to fit in with the cultural naming style of that language. As a result, our surname is unique, yet doesn't look out of place in a phonebook.

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[-] shanghaibebop@beehaw.org 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Immigrant to the U.S.

I got my English name picked out of a hat when I took a summer English class in 1st grade by the teacher who assigned everyone English names. I decided to go with it since I thought it was a chill enough name after I moved to the U.S. a few years later.

[-] Evergreen5970@beehaw.org 10 points 1 year ago

Cis, just didn’t like my birth name because I don’t like the sound of it. Weirdly enough I’m fine hearing it said if you aren’t speaking to or about me. If you’re talking to or about someone else named [my birth name] it doesn’t bother me to hear the name at all.

Found my new name by going through baby name websites and writing down every name for girls that I liked. (I prefer to be very gender-conforming in my outward presentation and want my name to be so as well.) It was a very long list. Over time, I culled names from the list and ended up with two final choices. I forget how I decided between them, but what I can say is that during the entire process, I picked names based on how they sounded to me. After all, my grievance with my birth name is how it irritates me to hear it. I did not look up the meanings behind the names. They can be interesting, but my birth name had a perfectly fine meaning and that did nothing to endear me to it.

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[-] Butterbee@beehaw.org 9 points 1 year ago

My parents were supportive, so I wanted to include them since in a way I would be taking away that moment that they named their child. I asked my mom for the list of baby girl names she'd had for me and picked my favourite from them. That way she still had chosen my true name and I also got to choose one that fit me very well.

[-] verbalbotanics@beehaw.org 9 points 1 year ago

My deadname started with an "m" so I just started going by "em", which was also one of the gender neutral pronouns floating around at the time, and it just kinda stuck. Using it makes me feel agender euphoria :)

[-] coradora@beehaw.org 9 points 1 year ago

I really liked Korra from the Legend of Korra (ATLA sequel.) She resonated with me, and her struggles and growth throughout the show was very meaningful to me because of my struggles with my trans identity.

I also looked over baby name lists when I was waffling on if I wanted to fully decide on Korra, and there I discovered the alternative spelling Cora. The heart/maiden meaning was more appealing to me, so I went with that. It really just felt right once I got over the initial weirdness of being called something that wasn’t my deadname.

Funny thing, before changing my name, I never met any other Cora’s. Now I’ve met quite a few in the rather short time period. I also love that you are picking a name that is more representative of your identity :)

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[-] heliodorh@beehaw.org 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Everybody gather round for a real horror story: I chose mine because of Harry Potter before JKR came out as a transphobe. I already felt the books had problematic elements back when I chose my names (and the writing isn't like AMAZING or anything), but the fandom made a LOT of things better and wrote a lot of wonderful stuff that reclaimed a bunch of things about her world (sure it was all AUs but still). It was so fun to let my mind run wild in the fandom sandbox - I felt really free.

I had already come out with my names and had been using them for years by the time JKR went all extra with the TERF bullshit. I get depressed thinking about this to this day. Lol.

[-] thumbtack@beehaw.org 4 points 1 year ago

okay, that’s actually TRAGIC to hear :( but i’m glad that you can still think back about it positively in some regard, with how the fandom allowed you to open up your mind and just be able to play around with that world and its characters. that sounds sweet as least :)

[-] FlowerTree@pawb.social 8 points 1 year ago

The story of how I got my name was both interesting and mundane.

I played a videogame named Stardew Valley and created a female character there. I don't really think about it much when choosing her name, I just wanted a plant-related feminine name so I chose Jasmine.

Many weeks later, my egg cracked and I randomly chose Jasmine as my new name. Later that day, I realized that the name was the same as my Stardew character.

[-] LennethAegis@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago

That's cool that the name was already on your mind. Like you were already sorting your identity on the inside before you even realized it.

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As someone whose egg cracked very recently I am still unsure if Maya will be my final decision.

It's tough for me. The female Versions of my deadname were ones ingot bullied with my entire teen years so they have this very negative memory to them.

First I went in a direction of names I just find nice and pretty I guess. Starting with Sofia which didn't really fit my vibe, then Florence which is a really nice name but a bit too extra for me. Shortened it to Flora but that felt odd.

For two months now my gf and some friends have been calling me Maya. How did I find it? I reminded of the 3D program Maya. I remembered it's also a name. I liked the sound of it and it felt like it fit my vibe and so far that has been the case

[-] Haatveit@beehaw.org 7 points 1 year ago

Maya 3D was the first thing that came to my mind when I saw your username! Weird how some normal names become associated like that.

I mean it's literally how I remembered it being a name. And it's a pretty common one too once you look for it.

I don't mind it for now and it has been more if a conversation starter than anything. Also some one line friends keep calling me mayannaise which is funny as hell to me.

With my deadname playing with the name of it in a mocking way always felt like the worst insult possible to me. With my chosen name it's fun and I take part in it... I think that's a good sign

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[-] sludge@beehaw.org 7 points 1 year ago

i had a classmate in second grade named alison, i was always soooooo jealous of her for reasons i couldn't articulate. uh yeah

[-] thumbtack@beehaw.org 7 points 1 year ago

this one’s actually really funny lol. when you took her name, did you also steal all her cool attributes you were jealous of?? 🫢 /j

I tried multiple times to find the name, like, using versions of my deadname and stuff. It didn't really click

And then just randomly chose a basic-ass russian name that I vibed with

[-] CFinley97@kbin.social 5 points 1 year ago

The vibes do be powerful

[-] IcedCoffeeBitch@beehaw.org 7 points 1 year ago

My first name (Gabriela) is just the feminine version of my deadname. I usually prefer the shortened version (Gaby) though.

My second name (Azucena) it was actually from a soap opera my mom was watching. I couldn't care less about the show itself, but that girl was exactly the hair style and overall look I wanted to have(and to an extent, still do). But I'm leaving it as a second name because unfortunately in Puerto Rico it's a pretty rare name (and apparently the people I've asked don't like it much?).

[-] chloyster@beehaw.org 7 points 1 year ago

One of my first real big moments I can remember when I started to realize I was trans was when I was young and my parents told me what my name would have been if I was AFAB. When I heard the name I got this giddy feeling and I was like, "woah, I really like the sound of that name"

So, I decided to take it when I fully came out to myself and the world

[-] thumbtack@beehaw.org 4 points 1 year ago

oh i’ve definitely heard of people doing this too, i think it’s a super neat and cute idea! i’m glad you were able to find happiness with one that was already special to your parents too :)

[-] snowbell@beehaw.org 6 points 1 year ago

Someone in my high school had the name and I really liked it. So I used it after we all graduated so it wouldn't be weird. I actually had picked a different name at first just because I didn't want to come off weird or creepy before we would never see each other again. It is a pretty uncommon name.

[-] Frostflame@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 year ago

I stole my name from my kindergarten girlfriend lol

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[-] crystalcorvid@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

I picked all three of my names, the first was by looking at common names from the year I was born, I just browsed baby name books until I found one that I liked. The second is the name of one of my favorite book characters. The third is a derivation of words out of a conlang that means something special to me and sounds vaguely "foreign" to anyone else.

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[-] Tetra@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

I first saw the name in Pokémon, and immediately felt drawn to it, kinda like the people to their holes in Junji Ito's Enigma of Amigara Fault lol. I can't really explain it.

When I later realized I was trans, it was a no brainer which name I'd go with.

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[-] Louise@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago

You would be surprised by how many of us chose off a video game character.

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[-] binchicken@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 1 year ago

I was 12, I legit don't remember how I even picked it. I tried another name for a couple weeks and thought it was too cringe (easily associated with a famous person), so I switched to my current name.

[-] Laffytaffer@lemmy.fmhy.ml 4 points 1 year ago

Ever since I was a kid, I've loved the video game series Thief, where curse words are often replaced with the word taffer. I chose it as my username, but then it stuck as my actual name when I later came out. Most people just assume I'm related to the guy from Bar Rescue and not that I'm a big fan of a stealth game from the 90s

[-] recently_coco@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago

I had a little Lalafell boy in FFXIV named Cocozan Cozan.

When I switched to femroe I changed the last name, truncated the first to Coco.

People knew me as Coco and she/her online and it felt right. Decided to keep the name for myself.

[-] ShaunaTheDead@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago

I used to play a ton of online RPGs with a strong focus on actually roleplaying and I pretended I was a girl named Alia. So I'm kind of surprised I never considered that name when I actually came out. In my 20s I started hanging out with an older transwoman who was kind of like my mentor, and she named me Shauna. I ended up back in the closet for about 15 years, but when my egg cracked again a couple of years ago I floated a few options to my partner which the same first initial as my deadname, and she didn't like any of them except Shauna, and to be honest I also liked Shauna the best.

[-] TabbyCat@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago

I reused my online handle into a more traditional name, and gave myself a middle name so people nickname me my online handle without prompting lol.

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