Unzipped my fly at the urinal, started my business, unconsciously learned forward towards the end - as one does - and smashed my face against the wall in slow-motion with 15 drunken dudes silently watching because I forgot I have no toes.

As a bored kid waiting for my turn on the family computer in the basement, while waiting for my older brother to finish, I once stapled a finger. Don't remember which, but it was just really dumb.

There was a row of chairs (touching each other) at work that are purposefully very heavy. I wanted to look under the chairs, so I was lifting them one at a time. The last one was a corner chair and a lot heavier. I stuck my head behind the last chair to look under it, dropped it, and caught my jaw. It hurt like fuck but fortunately didn’t do any actual damage.

No one? 'Airlock'. Is this 2160 or something?

Broke first bone as an adult playing Pokémon Go on release night

Just now. I was reading this thread and grinning at other people's misfortune so my wife decided I should join them and bit me 😵

Sitting in a rocking swivel patio chair while shaving the dog and I leaned forward to get his belly. The chair started to tip. I startled and i was able to stop it from tipping over, but then it felt like my back locked up and i couldn't move. Husband helped me into the house and i missed several days of work. I did the exact same things three years in a row. I still have the chairs. Dog died and that's likely the only reason it stopped after 3x.

Last christmas, I was splitting wood with a wedge and a sledgehammer, and the sledgehammer broke. It didn't hurt anyone, but my dumbass decided to pick up the sledgehammer head and start smashing away. My pinky slipped, and got crushed. I didn't break any bones, surprisingly, and made a full recovery.

Broke my nail once because i had my finger where the door hinge was and kid me was the not the brightest tool in the shed

Also I have really bad scarring from when I used shaving cream and whatever I did fucked up my leg enough that I just have a bunch of dot scars now which is partially why I only wear long pants now

I fell off an electric scooter and broke my wrist, I have a titanium plate in there now.

Got cut with a spaghetti noodle.

I wanted a pineapple and put a cutting board on my lap to slice it up.

I thankfully only stabbed myself a little when the extremely slippery fruit did its thing.

Was attempting to walk over a short trailer ramp (maybe a foot above the ground), caught my flip flop on the ramp grate and fractured by tibia, fibula and ankle. Yea, from a foot off the ground. Never broke anything before and even when I did, I only have this lame story. Haha.

I was going to carry a 5 gallon jug of water on my bicycle. I was just going to let the bicycle handle the weight by balancing it on the top tube between my legs, as I had already done a number of times before.

But this time, as I lifted the jug to place it on the top tube, it came down just a little too far back and totally smashed my left testicle!

"Five gallons of water weighs approximately 41.65 pounds (or about 18.9 kilograms) at room temperature. This is based on the weight of one gallon being around 8.33 pounds." - DuckAssist

OUCH!!!

For the next few months, my left nut was misshaped, thank goodness it didn't outright rupture!

Played computer games for a few hours in a non-ergonomic position and instead of taking breaks or resetting my position I just powered through. So off and on for the last 6 years I've had chronic pain in my elbows.

Threading the needle between a bus and a parked car on my bike at night. The car door opened right after the bus cleared.

When I was younger I learned a lot of things the hard way. For a decade of my childhood I went to the emergency room at least once a year due to accidents.

Accidentally sliced a layer of skin off when i shaved at the shower. Weirdly enough it didn't hurt, bleed or anything when it happened, and it was only after the shower when i was applying moisturizer when it actually did. I didn't know what was causing the pain until the next day, when i saw some scab-like texture forming and realized what had happened. Thankfully it healed fast and left no scars/marks.

It's simple. I accidentally bump my head on something above me, whether it be the top of a bunk bed or a staircase handle where I'm sitting nearby.

I have many stories how I either accidentally cut into my fingers or break the bones. But most of them was pretty logical (still stupid tho) why it happened but one time was I going to lift up my friend + the chair they sat on for the lols and my ring fingers bone broke... I don't know how... Your guess is as good as mine

When I was in middle school, on an organized camping trip to a lake where we would work on our canoeing skills, another kid and I started to horseplay. We were struggling over who could take a specific canoe paddle. My opponent held the handle, and I the blade. We each tried using the paddle to shove at the other & cause them to lose control, thereby securing the paddle for our own exclusive use.

Nevermind that there were a dozen other equally good paddles laying around unclaimed, we had to fight over that specific paddle.

I wound up losing my grip right as my opponent shoved. The blade hit me square on the bridge of my nose. I bled like crazy.

It wasn’t until several years afterwards that I realized how perilously close I had come to losing one or both eyes.

I poured boiling noodle water over my foot, had a big blister there and couldn't walk in shoes for weeks. It's almost a year now but the skin is still itchy sometimes.

Sliced two tendons in my hand when I tried to break a metal motorcycle gasket by pulling it apart

Touched an arm to the air fryer basket accidentally, now I've got a lovely horizontal scar on the side of my wrist

Scraped a huge chunk of skin off my foot while drunk in a pool. I was at an Airbnb in the desert with some friends.

One friend and I worked our way through 40 beers in about five hours but we didn’t realize that until later on—something about the 110°F weather and swimming made drinking far too easy.

The pool had a very rough texture at the bottom and no part of it was especially deep, so I mainly bounced around on my toes while we were in the pool.

When we finally got out of the pool I saw blood everywhere coming from my foot, it had probably been bleeding for hours because I remembered pretty early on I’d stupidly jumped in and hurt my foot. I immediately went inside and ended up sleeping for 10 hours, missing all the fun everyone else had that evening. Because I was on my toes the entire time my ankles hurt for a few days.

It’s been seven months but I still have a mark on my foot, and it itches sometimes still.

Because of skateboarding

Not through actually skating, I was walking along carrying my board and tripped over, because I was carrying the board in my dominant hand I used my non-dominant one to try brace my fall, somehow fucked it up and fractured my wrist

I thought it was just strained until I tried to swim a few hours later

Got a scar on my finger from using a Stanley/craft knife to shave down a plastic Warhammer sprue into a 'spear'

Worst fight injury I ever had was breaking my orbital bone(you should've seen the other guy though! whoa)

I've lost teeth climbing a tree in a stupid way, required stitches after trying to cut myself a slice of pie, and nailed myself in the groin with a ski pole while skiing

Touched a car cigarette lighter that I'd heated up myself while bored with the intent of just slipping a nail between the coils without skin contact and gave myself a new thumbprint.

Then I did that again a few years later.

install gentoo

Got born

When i was a kid i walked down the stairs with 1 roller blade on to get the other one at the bottom and fell and broke my arm.