They're a stubborn asshole too!

You forgot micromanaging.

I like my boss, he's very hands-off and let's me do what I want. But I dont think he understands responsibilities very well and keeps delegating tasks to employees who don't exist.

The backlog is tremendous, but I just shrug since it's above my paygrade, and the investors dont seem to notice

Jerk can't keep his hands to himself either. I can't complain to HR cause .. you know.

And the only employee is an autistic epileptic who frequently drinks on the job.

To be fair, that "self" neither does what the boss tells it. Like, going earlier to sleep (lol, no) or eating less in main meals.

I feel this hard.

Also depending on what you do the results can be virtually unnoticeable for months or years and may never lead to anything tangible.

You have made me realize I need to hire a smarter life coach.