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If homossexualism isn't acquired, why is it true in my case? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by NielRay2707@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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In my view, there are two categories of homosexuality: learned/acquired and innate. Some men have been homosexual since they were kids, like staring at their school friend and feel feelings/have a crush on. That's a case of normal, stable homosexuality as far as I'm concerned. Now take my case, I was born straight, always had a crush on girls, always had a totally masculine identity, male engagements, and no, I'm not a Christian. I was simply born straight, but unfortunately, I had early internet access since childhood, and used to watch an overload of porn/hentai, plus early masturbation in childhood. I would spend a lot of time locked in my room using my computer, and over time, I came across pornography, got hooked, and it ended up warping my brain, starting with imagining that I was in the woman's shoes in porn (autogynephilia), that was my first homo sexual desire. Chances are 100% that an abusive watch of porn, hentai, and early masturbation, as well as traumas of neglect and bullying, distorted me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have had any other fetishes that went hand in hand with homosexuality, like cuckolding for example. Whenever I'm horny, and I finish cumming, I regret it right away, as if I'd been possessed while jerking off. So in my opinion homosexuality is both innate and acquired. However, I've been looking all over the internet and only found a few cases.

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[-] Varyk@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 months ago

my 2 cents:

none of what you've written here indicates you weren't born gay.

"...wish i was in the woman's shoes in porn (autogynephilia), that was my first homo sexual desire."

that doesn't sound like you were "simply born straight"

your post strongly suggests to me you have a lot to learn and accept about sexuality.

"always had a totally masculine identity, male engagements"

saying something like this indicates to me that you don't understand the complexities of masculinity, femininity or sexuality.

did you read a lot of books as a child? is that masculine or feminine? did you climb trees?

assigning labels and expectations to your behaviors may be why you don't view your own sexuality as "a case of normal, stable homosexuality".

which is what it sounds like you are discovering: a case of innate normal, stable homosexuality.

[-] SayJess@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 months ago

Chances are 100% that an abusive watch of porn, hentai, and early masturbation, as well as traumas of neglect and bullying, distorted me.

Hold up. Watching porn as a child does not somehow make people gay. You really should see a therapist who can help you navigate your sexuality.

[-] NielRay2707@lemmy.world -3 points 2 months ago

I didn't say it made me gay, you either can't read or you're an idiot. I said it turned me into a complete sexual degenerate and sent me into a spiral of paraphilias, and homosexuality is one of the MANY I have

[-] SayJess@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 months ago

Why so hostile? Being a “complete sexual degenerate” has nothing to do with being gay. It seems that you have internalized homophobia. Seeking help to understand why you feel that way is a good first step.

[-] NielRay2707@lemmy.world -2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Being homosexual is a different thing, being born that way, liking boys and desiring to kiss them, living the rest of your life with one and feeling love. On the other hand, having a twisted, depraved fetish combined with various other sick fantasies is a different matter. You only think that homosexuality is innate because that's what YOU experience. that's why the LGBT community is so small minded, they think they're the owners of reality, and they call you homophobic when you say the opposite. As I said, I'm not homophobic, I think homosexuality can be innate, that's the “normal” homosexuality. My case was due to trauma; do some research and you'll find cases like this. If you want to know a specific case, look up “Carlinhos Meme Brazil” his wife passed away and he triggered post traumatic stress. He developed homosexual fetishes, along with fetishizing horses (yes, he wanted to fuc$ horses) also fetishes with his own sister, and some sicker things with his nephew.

[-] roofuskit@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

What does your therapist have to say about this?

[-] StupidBrotherInLaw@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

You need to challenge your assumptions, and you've made many bad ones here. If any of what you said is true, I should be a homosexual, yet I'm not.

[-] UnfortunateShort@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Have you considered that you can be attracted to more than one thing, and that this may evolve over time? You don't expect people to be like 'I'm gay now' at age 12 and then automatically have zero interest in anything else, do you?

[-] Kolanaki@pawb.social 1 points 2 months ago

Just because porn made you aware of your homosexuality, does not mean it was the cause of it.

[-] NielRay2707@lemmy.world -2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

No, my case is not natural. Clearly it's due to trauma that triggered this desire in me, just like all the others paraphilias I have. Sometimes it goes away, I haven't had it for about three months. I met a girl who was raped when she was 16 and she said that from then on, she was way more attracted to women than men, and also blames the rape for her homosexuality since she never liked women

Some guys start having Autogynephilia (AGP), which is imagining themselves in the woman's shoes in porn, having sex with a faceless man, they didn't imagine themselves in a relationship with a man and marrying him, clearly from there onwards you might fall into a spiral of paraphilia

Lemme tell you what causes AGP: An overload of hentai and porn, child prodigies with a lack of socialization and schizoid and/or autistic tendencies, early masturbation in childhood, etc. Basically a stereotypical 4chan user.

The lack of socialization makes the child project his attraction to the opposite sex onto himself, after all if he finds a woman sexy, then he would also find himself sexy with a woman's body, even though he doesn't feel like a woman and has an entirely male identity.

I see it more as a sexual orientation than a paraphilia. But ultimately both things are practically the same, they've just been separated because today's generation is touchy about labels. So you could say it's a paraphilia too.

The AGP phenomenon is real, although the LGBTQ+ disagree. But Blanchard is full of shit, his “theory” is nonsensical, and has no basis apart from his guesses. So that's my opinion: AGP as a phenomenon = based, made me jerk off a lot; AGP as a theory = cringe, it's just to troll lgtv (they can't accept how someone can be so different without being one of them)

[-] Stoif@lemmy.world 0 points 2 months ago

I call you troll. Nonetheless, gayness has been running in my family for 3 generations (uncle, me, grand-cousin) now, so if you ask me in all seriousness, I believe it's inherited.

[-] rikudou@lemmings.world 1 points 2 months ago

I read some researches about certain genes making it more likely to be gay. Though it's been a while, can't remember the specifics.

Another interesting research I read (which I need to check for new info) was that each subsequent male child was more likely to be gay and it was actually the mother's body that caused them to be gay because that lowers the competition for the oldest children.

[-] dzso@lemmy.world 0 points 2 months ago

You might want to look up "sexual imprinting". Of course our early sexual experiences impact what turns us on, and who we are attracted to can change over time.

[-] Fedditor385@lemmy.world -1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

"as well as traumas of neglect and bullying" - says it all.

You miss having a strong father figure in your life, because he was either not present, or present but didn't really care for you or protect you. Now that we are adults, the closes relationship we can see where one male takes care of another male - is a homosexual relationship.

I have the feeling you are not gay, just really misses having a proper dad in your life, and your current feelings are just a different manifestation of the true need. You seek male affection and protection, and from the rest of the comment - the regret after masturbation - means you don't need the sexual part at all, you just want the love you see there.

this post was submitted on 17 Apr 2025

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