I can imagine the secret service will.

Just like how he smells

I'd honestly be very cautious with anything google. Aegis would probably be a better option.

Fedora will always be my go-to, and the KDE spin should be pretty familiar layout wise for former windows users.

Since you have an nvidia gpu, Pop OS will probably be your best bet if you need it working immediately.

I wouldn't recommend Ubuntu anymore, as it's been pushing snaps (package manager) MS-style, and it's gotten some shit from the community for various reasons over the years.

Linux Mint is also good, too. It's very easy to just get up and going, perfect for people who aren't familiar with Linux, too.

Straight orgasm to sleep sounds like a really shitty superpower.

It might be even hotter than that

Debian! It sounds perfect for your use cases and requirements.

I haven't noticed any outages recently. I'm pretty sure the situation has gotten better at this point.

We'll die on this hill together.

free software or bust

I'm not that old! I'm still a linux user and tech enthusiast though, so you're not that off.

Love it, I fell like it just rolls off the tongue nice.